Join Date: May 2011
Location: Chino Valley, AZ
Feeling...I don't know...
So my BF and I have been dating for just over a year (our anniversary was June 16). I'm 30 and he's 43. We both grew up in the same town, and he was good friends with my oldest brother when they were in high school. He's a former Marine. We met at my work (he was the vending machine guy and was stocking the machines one evening...I came out of the restroom and stopped to check out the machines...he gave me a water and a candy bar, we talked for a little while, then he boldly asked for my number) and hit it off pretty much right away.
We've had our ups and downs, just like any couple, but we're good more often than not. We've both been married before (he was married for ten months and I was married three and a half years), and I have a beautiful nine-year-old son, while he doesn't have any kids. We both know what we want from a relationship and are both old enough to know that we want to settle down and have a family.
For Christmas, he gave me a beautiful promise ring, and we've always talked about *when* we get married, not *if.* He wants kids and I definitely want more, but I want to wait until we're married (I'm very traditional that way). My family loves him and really want us to get married (to the point that my dad asked him point-blank why he hasn't married me yet). He, in turn, adores my family. We're just not going to get into how his family feels about me.
Anyway, any time I bring up the subject of us getting married, he either skirts the issue or comes up with excuses. His favorite excuse is that he can't afford to buy me a nice engagement ring. I don't know how many times I've assured him that I don't care about that kind of stuff. He knows me well enough to know that I'm not just saying that. My dad has even (independently) told him that I don't care about that. I understand it's a pride thing, but to me, it just feels like an excuse.
I know that a lot of people are thinking that getting married is "just a piece of paper" and that we're perfectly fine the way we are (we live together and have since before Christmas, and now we're looking to buy our own home), but I'm very traditional (as is my entirely Mormon family). I want to get married and become Mrs R_____ L____. I just don't know what I can do to help things along.
The other night, he asked me where I'd want to get married. I've thought about it a lot (especially since my dad talked to him about marrying me) and I think the park on my parents' property would be perfect. I helped transplant the majority of the cottonwood trees that make up the park and I feel like it's a part of me (I used to go out there and read during the summer when I was in high school). We're also both very outdoorsy and I just think it would suit us. His answer? "Oh, my mom will love that" (said with EXTREME sarcasm). I will admit that my temper flared and I shot back with "Well, good thing your mom isn't the one getting married, huh?" Not the best/smartest/nicest answer, but his comment (and the way it was delivered) kinda hurt. The problem is, my parents are about to put their house on the market (not sure how long it'll take to sell, but it's a beautiful 3400sq ft custom house on five acres with a four bay, 40' by 100' garage on it, and it's horse property, so it should go fast) and if they sell the house, we won't be able to get married there. I'd love to have this one last big memory from the house I spent my high school years in.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like he's comfortable with the status quo...but I'm not.
I'm not sure if I'm just ranting or asking for advice. If you have advice (that's positive), that'd be great. If not, no worries, have a virtual cookie for reading my patheticness.
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Last edited by DraftyAiresMum; 07-03-2013 at 12:30 AM.