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Friends dictating where I "should" be in my relationship?!?

1K views 13 replies 12 participants last post by  Becca93 
#1 ·
Oh my goodness. I feel like I can't even talk to my best friend about the status of my relationship or even joke with her about these things because the topic turns to "well you guys should AT LEAST be living together" or "him not proposing just makes it look like he's not committed"

We've been together for four years. I moved to New York from Virginia to be with him. His family took me in 3 years ago before I got my own place a few months later. We both have our work/school/commitments outside of our relationship that makes us who we are and we have the most bonded, loving relationship. We are only 22 years old. Since when does time dictate when a couple is ready to take larger steps in the relationship? We talk about the future, we know we are going to be together. We just like taking it easy. We don't have money, he just graduated and hasn't started his career, I haven't finished school yet. Aren't these things more important for our future? We are totally comfortable with the way things are. It's just so awkward when our friends are in a relationship for 6 months before they're moving in and getting engaged start telling us we should be doing the same thing. I've tried telling them to knock it off and that I'm deliriously happy right now but they still remark with "well it just seems like it should be this way..." SERIOUSLY?? What would you say in this situation? I can only put it nicely for so long before I start throwing tables
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#2 ·
I would tell them to stuff it. It's not their place to tell you what you should be doing. And at this point if they're not respecting that, I'd get a little snappy with them.
 
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#3 ·
It would depend on how good of a friend they are and how important their relationship is to me. If it weren't all that valuable, I would just tell them, "well, it just seems like you have forgotten how to mind your own business"...and let it ride. If I valued it, on the other hand, I would tell them the obvious... that you have a different perspective than they, and that you heard and understood their perspective the first time, could they just not "go there" anymore?
 
#5 ·
If you think your going to be with the person you love, then whats the point of getting married now or in 30 years? Your still spending your time and love with that person either way LOL

My sister has been with her boyfriend for 6 years and just got engaged a couple of months ago.
 
#8 ·
Too many people these days are rushing into relationships, marrying, and divorcing a few years later. What I think you're doing is heaps heaps better than that.

As for those friends, are they really your friends? If not, it might be time to tell them to mind their own business. If they really are (not just 'I want them to be') they should be supportive of your relationship and you should tell them that.
 
#9 ·
I agree that it is no ones business but the pair of you.
You are both young, have your heads screwed on the right way and are thinking ahead rather than jumping blindly into marriage, which happens all to frequently nowadays.

Do things in your own time , nothing to do with anyone else.
 
#11 ·
a bigger issue is your own self esteem. Why do you feel the need to justify your relationship status to a third party ?
For that matter why do you feel the need for validation of your relationship status on an internet forum ?
The fact that the issue even bothers you enough to waste time thinking about it tells me there are deeper issues at work.
You cant control other peoples thoughts and words. You can only control your reactions to them.
The cause AND solution to your problem is looking at you in the mirror.
 
#12 ·
Well joe I can tell you that my self esteem is fine and I don't feel the need to justify my relationship to anyone. The problem here is that my best friend of ten years things she knows what's good for my relationship better than I do. I've been dealing with this for like two years now and I thought I'd get some fresh perspectives on dealing with it rather than saying the same stuff over and over again because at this point it's gotten really old and I don't want to be mean. This is a girl who moved in with her boyfriend after 6 months of dating. I was happy for her and continue to be happy for her, but that's not the life for me. I can't even talk to her about "that cute thing he did the other day" or "we joked about naming our kids this" because it'll turn into this unpleasant conversation I don't want to have.
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#13 ·
Sit down with her and tell her EXACTLY what you said on this thread. Seriously. You can just say, "I know that you're concerned about the relationship I have with X, but I just wanted to say that a) both he and I are very happy just as we are, b) while I appreciate your concern it isn't necessary and we're not going to change no matter what you say, and c) I don't think it's appropriate to be judging me by the standards that you are."

You can set whatever tone in this conversation you like.
 
#14 ·
Don't listen to anyone - whether they tell you that you are too young, too old, not moving fast enough, or moving too fast. Its YOUR relationship - consisting of two people and only those two peoples opinions matter. If you are both happy with where it is heading, tell your friend you appreciate the thought but the advice isn't needed and stop listening.

I have been told 20 is too young to be engaged - but it is 100% right for both of us so that is what we are sticking to. If she is a true friend she wouldn't be judging - I would say she is just jealous or insecure herself.
 
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