Friends dictating where I "should" be in my relationship?!? - The Horse Forum
LinkBack Thread Tools
post #1 of 14 Old 08-17-2013, 12:08 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: new york
Posts: 75
• Horses: 0
Friends dictating where I "should" be in my relationship?!?

Oh my goodness. I feel like I can't even talk to my best friend about the status of my relationship or even joke with her about these things because the topic turns to "well you guys should AT LEAST be living together" or "him not proposing just makes it look like he's not committed"

We've been together for four years. I moved to New York from Virginia to be with him. His family took me in 3 years ago before I got my own place a few months later. We both have our work/school/commitments outside of our relationship that makes us who we are and we have the most bonded, loving relationship. We are only 22 years old. Since when does time dictate when a couple is ready to take larger steps in the relationship? We talk about the future, we know we are going to be together. We just like taking it easy. We don't have money, he just graduated and hasn't started his career, I haven't finished school yet. Aren't these things more important for our future? We are totally comfortable with the way things are. It's just so awkward when our friends are in a relationship for 6 months before they're moving in and getting engaged start telling us we should be doing the same thing. I've tried telling them to knock it off and that I'm deliriously happy right now but they still remark with "well it just seems like it should be this way..." SERIOUSLY?? What would you say in this situation? I can only put it nicely for so long before I start throwing tables
Posted via Mobile Device
whalegirl is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 14 Old 08-17-2013, 12:12 AM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Eastern Ontario
Posts: 1,166
• Horses: 3
I would tell them to stuff it. It's not their place to tell you what you should be doing. And at this point if they're not respecting that, I'd get a little snappy with them.
Foxhunter likes this.

Thank you for feeding us years of lies. Thank you for the wars you left us to fight. Thank you for the world you ruined overnight. But we'll be fine, yeah we'll be fine.
BornToRun is offline  
post #3 of 14 Old 08-17-2013, 12:25 AM
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: The land of Enchantment
Posts: 8,318
• Horses: 0
It would depend on how good of a friend they are and how important their relationship is to me. If it weren't all that valuable, I would just tell them, "well, it just seems like you have forgotten how to mind your own business"...and let it ride. If I valued it, on the other hand, I would tell them the obvious... that you have a different perspective than they, and that you heard and understood their perspective the first time, could they just not "go there" anymore?

There is just as much horse sense as ever, but the horses have most of it.
Missy May is offline  
post #4 of 14 Old 08-17-2013, 12:28 AM
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Missouri
Posts: 16,846
• Horses: 1
Honestly it's your relationship.. better to move slowly than too fast.

Just let her know that "You're doing what you feel is right for your relationship" and leave it at that. Don't take a stab at her, as tempting as it may be.

"Strength is the ability to use a muscle without tension"
Skyseternalangel is offline  
post #5 of 14 Old 08-17-2013, 01:08 AM
Green Broke
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Olds, AB Canada
Posts: 2,749
• Horses: 2
If you think your going to be with the person you love, then whats the point of getting married now or in 30 years? Your still spending your time and love with that person either way LOL

My sister has been with her boyfriend for 6 years and just got engaged a couple of months ago.

Horses are scared of two things... Things that move and things that don't.
Ray MacDonald is offline  
post #6 of 14 Old 08-17-2013, 02:07 AM
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Southeastern PA
Posts: 9,420
• Horses: 1
As you are 22, and neither of you are stable yet in your lives - I would assume your friends are not stable either.

As they are giving you a time frame for marriage, if I were you, I'd give them a time frame for their divorce.
AlexS is offline  
post #7 of 14 Old 08-17-2013, 02:16 AM
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Essex
Posts: 46
• Horses: 0
A true friend would never judge, only support you.

A firm believer in this sentence.
AlexS and Foxhunter like this.
Clydesdale lover is offline  
post #8 of 14 Old 08-17-2013, 02:48 AM
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 971
• Horses: 0
Too many people these days are rushing into relationships, marrying, and divorcing a few years later. What I think you're doing is heaps heaps better than that.

As for those friends, are they really your friends? If not, it might be time to tell them to mind their own business. If they really are (not just 'I want them to be') they should be supportive of your relationship and you should tell them that.
Foxhunter likes this.

This space has been left intentionally blank.
Chokolate is offline  
post #9 of 14 Old 08-17-2013, 03:07 AM
Super Moderator
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: SW UK
Posts: 10,927
• Horses: 0
I agree that it is no ones business but the pair of you.
You are both young, have your heads screwed on the right way and are thinking ahead rather than jumping blindly into marriage, which happens all to frequently nowadays.

Do things in your own time , nothing to do with anyone else.
Foxhunter is offline  
post #10 of 14 Old 08-17-2013, 03:30 AM
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1
• Horses: 0
Listen to Your heart and not Your friend in fact try convincing Your friend about what You feel. Things are better known to You as you have experienced it all and Your friend just says what she knows or have heard.
georgeoshields is offline  

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the The Horse Forum forums, you must first register.

Already have a Horse Forum account?
Members are allowed only one account per person at the Horse Forum, so if you've made an account here in the past you'll need to continue using that account. Please do not create a new account or you may lose access to the Horse Forum. If you need help recovering your existing account, please Contact Us. We'll be glad to help!

New to the Horse Forum?
Please choose a username you will be satisfied with using for the duration of your membership at the Horse Forum. We do not change members' usernames upon request because that would make it difficult for everyone to keep track of who is who on the forum. For that reason, please do not incorporate your horse's name into your username so that you are not stuck with a username related to a horse you may no longer have some day, or use any other username you may no longer identify with or care for in the future.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

Old Thread Warning
This thread is more than 90 days old. When a thread is this old, it is often better to start a new thread rather than post to it. However, If you feel you have something of value to add to this particular thread, you can do so by checking the box below before submitting your post.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome