Friends dictating where I "should" be in my relationship?!? - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 14 Old 08-17-2013, 01:08 AM Thread Starter
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Friends dictating where I "should" be in my relationship?!?

Oh my goodness. I feel like I can't even talk to my best friend about the status of my relationship or even joke with her about these things because the topic turns to "well you guys should AT LEAST be living together" or "him not proposing just makes it look like he's not committed"

We've been together for four years. I moved to New York from Virginia to be with him. His family took me in 3 years ago before I got my own place a few months later. We both have our work/school/commitments outside of our relationship that makes us who we are and we have the most bonded, loving relationship. We are only 22 years old. Since when does time dictate when a couple is ready to take larger steps in the relationship? We talk about the future, we know we are going to be together. We just like taking it easy. We don't have money, he just graduated and hasn't started his career, I haven't finished school yet. Aren't these things more important for our future? We are totally comfortable with the way things are. It's just so awkward when our friends are in a relationship for 6 months before they're moving in and getting engaged start telling us we should be doing the same thing. I've tried telling them to knock it off and that I'm deliriously happy right now but they still remark with "well it just seems like it should be this way..." SERIOUSLY?? What would you say in this situation? I can only put it nicely for so long before I start throwing tables
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post #2 of 14 Old 08-17-2013, 01:12 AM
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I would tell them to stuff it. It's not their place to tell you what you should be doing. And at this point if they're not respecting that, I'd get a little snappy with them.
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post #3 of 14 Old 08-17-2013, 01:25 AM
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It would depend on how good of a friend they are and how important their relationship is to me. If it weren't all that valuable, I would just tell them, "well, it just seems like you have forgotten how to mind your own business"...and let it ride. If I valued it, on the other hand, I would tell them the obvious... that you have a different perspective than they, and that you heard and understood their perspective the first time, could they just not "go there" anymore?

There is just as much horse sense as ever, but the horses have most of it.
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post #4 of 14 Old 08-17-2013, 01:28 AM
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Honestly it's your relationship.. better to move slowly than too fast.

Just let her know that "You're doing what you feel is right for your relationship" and leave it at that. Don't take a stab at her, as tempting as it may be.

"Strength is the ability to use a muscle without tension"
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post #5 of 14 Old 08-17-2013, 02:08 AM
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If you think your going to be with the person you love, then whats the point of getting married now or in 30 years? Your still spending your time and love with that person either way LOL

My sister has been with her boyfriend for 6 years and just got engaged a couple of months ago.

Horses are scared of two things... Things that move and things that don't.
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post #6 of 14 Old 08-17-2013, 03:07 AM
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As you are 22, and neither of you are stable yet in your lives - I would assume your friends are not stable either.

As they are giving you a time frame for marriage, if I were you, I'd give them a time frame for their divorce.
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post #7 of 14 Old 08-17-2013, 03:16 AM
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A true friend would never judge, only support you.


A firm believer in this sentence.
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post #8 of 14 Old 08-17-2013, 03:48 AM
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Too many people these days are rushing into relationships, marrying, and divorcing a few years later. What I think you're doing is heaps heaps better than that.

As for those friends, are they really your friends? If not, it might be time to tell them to mind their own business. If they really are (not just 'I want them to be') they should be supportive of your relationship and you should tell them that.
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post #9 of 14 Old 08-17-2013, 04:07 AM
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I agree that it is no ones business but the pair of you.
You are both young, have your heads screwed on the right way and are thinking ahead rather than jumping blindly into marriage, which happens all to frequently nowadays.

Do things in your own time , nothing to do with anyone else.
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post #10 of 14 Old 08-17-2013, 04:30 AM
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Listen to Your heart and not Your friend in fact try convincing Your friend about what You feel. Things are better known to You as you have experienced it all and Your friend just says what she knows or have heard.
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