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Future inlaws from hell!!

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        02-16-2012, 12:22 PM
      #21
    Yearling
    In my family my mother has told my brothers wife how to raise they kid well that was it some of the wife will not come over any more my brothers come with out the wife and my mother says it is they problem I not being marriage I tell her Know it is some thing you need to fix to this day she has not
         
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        02-16-2012, 12:46 PM
      #22
    Super Moderator
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Derry girl    
    I was just sharing my story to see if anyone else had been put through a similar situation and how they dealt with it.
    That was exactly how I prefer to deal: just to ignore. You can't fix such people, so best way to deal is just to avoid them. The more you think about it (and run yourself crazy about that girl), the worse you'll feel. So just leave her behind.
    Derry girl and loveduffy like this.
         
        02-16-2012, 03:27 PM
      #23
    Weanling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by kitten_Val    
    The more you think about it (and run yourself crazy about that girl), the worse you'll feel. So just leave her behind.
    As much as I agree with what you are saying .. I wish it was possible, This girl and her mother live around the corner from my house and my bf's house and they are both always in his. And the town we are from doesnt have alot of pubs so your guarenteed to bump into her at the wkens! I can't get free of her lol I just wish there was a way of sorting this out once and for all without a huge barney!
         
        02-16-2012, 03:35 PM
      #24
    Banned
    Honestly I would just drop it, at this point you have tried to make peace and it has only made things worse.
    Like I said kill her with kindness.
    Pretend nothing has happened even if it makes you feel stupid.
    She is only behaving this way for attention and to get under your skin, it makes her feel better because you still want so badly to make peace and be her friend.
    If you no longer play into those things then she will no longer get what she wants out of the situation, she will get bored with it and move on to drama elsewhere.
    Samstead likes this.
         
        02-16-2012, 09:49 PM
      #25
    Yearling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by sierrams1123    
    Honestly I would just drop it, at this point you have tried to make peace and it has only made things worse.
    Like I said kill her with kindness.
    Pretend nothing has happened even if it makes you feel stupid.
    She is only behaving this way for attention and to get under your skin, it makes her feel better because you still want so badly to make peace and be her friend.
    If you no longer play into those things then she will no longer get what she wants out of the situation, she will get bored with it and move on to drama elsewhere.
    that's a good idea you'll confuse and shock her and if you're nice to her infront of the family then she'll look bad for badmouthing you even more so if you're nice to the family
         
        02-17-2012, 08:50 AM
      #26
    Weanling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by sierrams1123    
    you still want so badly to make peace and be her friend.
    Not on your nelly do I want to be friends with her lol I just wanted to figure out a way to resolve this that we could be civil to each other at any family functions.. like a Hello just to pass ourselves so its not awkward for everyone else...but I think she just wants to stay at "war" for whatever reason she has cooked up in her head. I give up, If she wants to go on like a twat its her life she's wasteing. Thanks for sharing advise/stories everyone.. its good in a strange way to here your not alone in these type of family situations.
         
        02-17-2012, 12:16 PM
      #27
    Trained
    You are certainly not alone in the terrible in-law situation.
    The best way I can deal is to avoid confrontation at all costs. I try to never speak of family issues with mine. Only focus on the good and try and change the topic if a bad one comes up. I always hope they will see me in a better light if I just stay positive and upbeat, which hasn't happened yet but I'm working on it.

    I'm not a lay down and take it kind of person, but I do love to try and keep the peace. It's not easy. In my In-law family there have been several "female turnovers" and it always gets ugly. I'm not typically liked because I refuse to make excuses for people and think things are pretty cut and dry. Never really wins me brownie points. There is always a weird tension at family gatherings, something my side of the family has never had. Remember some people feed on drama and it's your job for your own sake to stay out of it. Usually the trouble makers will oust themselves and the truth comes to light without you having to stand up for yourself. I've been dragged into some personal conversations and if I ever stand up for an issue that they don't agree with it'll be held over my head for eternity. So best to avoid these types of situations at all costs. I'm still learning that it's best to just lend an ear not an opinion. These types of dramatic people will always twist the truth to suit their needs and you'll be hard pressed to change a family members opinion once it's formed.
    Your BF is probably doing a good thing by letting the drama run it's course and not feeding into the histerics. My hub will stand up for me but once an opinion is formed it's hard to change the other peoples mind. He just points out my qualities and history of behavior so they can judge whether or not the drama is in fact the truth. Good luck, and hang in there.

    Just thank heavens she's a future cousin and not a sister in law!
         
        02-17-2012, 12:38 PM
      #28
    QOS
    Green Broke
    Inlaws can be tricky. There are always crazy people in every family. I used to get along really well with hubby's mom. She was extremely controlling though and if things didn't go the way SHE thought they should or the way she said they should omg she would ignore you, be snippy, rude or whatever.

    After 26 years of this crap and and his nutty petty sisters (they always acted like Barry was their boyfriend and I was trying to take him away) I finally refused to go around them and told hubby it was me or them...I'd put up with the last rude remark, the last time of being ignored etc.

    His mom died almost 2 years ago...his petty sister didn't put pictures of my kids in her funeral program. Good grief, what an idiot. My MIL is one of 4 girls and they constantly were bickering and arguing and these old gals were in their 70's.

    I should have cut off all contact years ago...I kick myself for not but hubby was pretty cranky about his family....he thought I should just suck it up because "that is just how they are" well, this is how I am now...not putting up with your families crap.

    On the flip side, my son just got married to a girl that seems to be nice. She is pleasant the few times I have seen her (literally DO NOT KNOW this girl and she is married to my son). She is always way too busy to come over even to a family dinner I planned for his birthday (not on his birthday - not trying to step on wife's toes) she threw a screaming crying fit so she didn't have to go. Geez, my other DIL and I are close and we haven't had words with this girl, never had a problem. She just thinks my son needs to be an orphan.

    I will never stop being his mom...but at the same time I have pledged never to be a PITA MIL like I had. So, I will see my son when he comes over and she can come or stay home as she pleases. We will always be nice and hope one day that she will be part of our family.

    Nutty inlaws...they are everywhere.
         
        02-17-2012, 01:36 PM
      #29
    Yearling
    In laws are definitely tricky. I actually love my husbands parents. They have their moments but for the most part I love them. I've had issues with a couple of his sisters but nothing that's not currently under control.
    I have seen my MIL act extremely ridiculous trying to "support" her screw up son. Some people feel like they have that right to treat others badly in support of someone else. Makes no sense to me, but I've seen it happen. My husband has always taken my side but never in a way that he treated his family badly over MY problems. It's a balancing act, I do the same for him in my family .

    I agree that you should focus on your bf, his parents, and his brothers. When they see nothing but good things, the rest of the family will make themselves look like asses. Eventually they will start asking themselves why they disliked you in the first place.
         

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