Girlfriend's Abusive Father - The Horse Forum
 4Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
post #1 of 16 Old 10-22-2012, 09:00 PM Thread Starter
Foal
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 6
• Horses: 0
Girlfriend's Abusive Father

I have recently found out that my girlfriend has an abusive father, and without going into too much detail, I can tell you for certain that this is true and she is not lying. She says it doesn't happen very often, only when he gets extremely mad, and that anger is directed at her. She says that he is on medication for anger issues, realizes what he has done, and she says that he is "as good as he's gonna get." I do not accept this.
I really feel the need to do something about this, but she has told me that if I do she will never trust me again(She doesn't want me telling anyone either). I am very protective of her, and I feel enraged that she has something like this happening in her life.
I'm only a teenager and I have no idea what to do in this situation. Her mom is very nice, I'm not sure if she knows what is going on.
I would appreciate advice on what to do. I don't want to lose her, but I love her and I am willing to if it ends up helping her in the long run.
We are both 17, by the way.
Sincere thanks for reading this and giving advice.
Natermotor is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 16 Old 10-22-2012, 09:05 PM
Started
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Delta, BC
Posts: 1,649
• Horses: 0
in these situations in Canada (not sure about other countries) once you know about it you have a legal duty to report it to the police.

Equestrianism; 10% luck, 20% skill, 15% concentrated power of will, 5% pleasure, 50% pain and 100% reason to remember you're absolutely insane to be riding a beast that big.
Samstead is offline  
post #3 of 16 Old 10-22-2012, 09:31 PM
Trained
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 5,321
• Horses: 1
I'm willing to bet her mother knows.

I think you have an obligation to report the evidence you have to the authorities.
Posted via Mobile Device
DancingArabian is offline  
post #4 of 16 Old 10-22-2012, 09:31 PM
Trained
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Ontario
Posts: 6,166
• Horses: 5
Samstead, the legalities are not an issue in a situation like this. I'm sure a 17yr old doesn't need to hear that on top of an already tense situation.

Natermotor, I would advise you and your friend to call the kids helpline or whatever it's equivalent is in your area. Your counsellor at the school can get you the number and if (s)he asks why, you are under no obligation to tell her/him anything. You just want the number. That's all; thank you very much.

There is NO excuse, no "this is as good as it gets", no "he's trying, so it's OK I'm black and blue." You are right, this needs to be dealt with. You need some professional advice and the public helpline is the best way to get it without compromising your relationship with your friend. When you call, you have to focus on YOUR situation, not your friend's. When your friend calls, she needs to focus on her situation. The tricky part will be getting your friend to call. Maybe just telling her that it's a place to vent without any repercussions will be enough.

Good luck! Stay strong and don't be an enabler, for sure. Sounds like you have it straight.
Hidalgo13 and Foxhunter like this.
NorthernMama is offline  
post #5 of 16 Old 10-22-2012, 09:36 PM
Trained
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Ontario
Posts: 6,166
• Horses: 5
Dancing Arabian, again, obligation is a tough word here. And does the mother know? Maybe, maybe not. Is the mother even in the picture? Maybe, maybe not.

Many abusers are full-time sneaks and cons and many victims are enablers without realizing it.

That's why they need to speak to pros... and get all the info out there.
NorthernMama is offline  
post #6 of 16 Old 10-22-2012, 09:44 PM Thread Starter
Foal
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 6
• Horses: 0
Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthernMama View Post
Dancing Arabian, again, obligation is a tough word here. And does the mother know? Maybe, maybe not. Is the mother even in the picture? Maybe, maybe not.

Many abusers are full-time sneaks and cons and many victims are enablers without realizing it.

That's why they need to speak to pros... and get all the info out there.
I just asked her and she said that he occasionally hits her mother too.

I probably will be taking this down at the end of the night, she rides horses too and I'm not sure if she visits this forum.

Thank you everyone so far for your advice, especially NorthernMama. I plan to visit the school counselor tomorrow.
Natermotor is offline  
post #7 of 16 Old 10-22-2012, 09:48 PM
Trained
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Ontario
Posts: 6,166
• Horses: 5
I'm not sure you will be able to remove the post, but you know, this could be anyone right? So unless your username is recognizable to your friend, it may not be an issue anyway.

Good luck!
NorthernMama is offline  
post #8 of 16 Old 10-22-2012, 09:49 PM
Started
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Delta, BC
Posts: 1,649
• Horses: 0
Child Protection - Reporting Child Abuse
In BC (and I'd guess most other provinces and several states) if you even THINK a child is being abused you do have a legal duty to report it.

Equestrianism; 10% luck, 20% skill, 15% concentrated power of will, 5% pleasure, 50% pain and 100% reason to remember you're absolutely insane to be riding a beast that big.
Samstead is offline  
post #9 of 16 Old 10-22-2012, 09:50 PM
Started
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Delta, BC
Posts: 1,649
• Horses: 0
Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthernMama View Post
Dancing Arabian, again, obligation is a tough word here. And does the mother know? Maybe, maybe not. Is the mother even in the picture? Maybe, maybe not.

Many abusers are full-time sneaks and cons and many victims are enablers without realizing it.

That's why they need to speak to pros... and get all the info out there.
no it's really not a tough word someone is being physically abused. Not telling is just going to enable the abuser.

Equestrianism; 10% luck, 20% skill, 15% concentrated power of will, 5% pleasure, 50% pain and 100% reason to remember you're absolutely insane to be riding a beast that big.
Samstead is offline  
post #10 of 16 Old 10-22-2012, 09:52 PM
Weanling
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Small town in Kansas
Posts: 482
• Horses: 0
Um... Someone needs to get involved. School Counselor...Police...Your own parents. Someone.
EthanQ is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the The Horse Forum forums, you must first register.

Already have a Horse Forum account?
Members are allowed only one account per person at the Horse Forum, so if you've made an account here in the past you'll need to continue using that account. Please do not create a new account or you may lose access to the Horse Forum. If you need help recovering your existing account, please Contact Us. We'll be glad to help!

New to the Horse Forum?
Please choose a username you will be satisfied with using for the duration of your membership at the Horse Forum. We do not change members' usernames upon request because that would make it difficult for everyone to keep track of who is who on the forum. For that reason, please do not incorporate your horse's name into your username so that you are not stuck with a username related to a horse you may no longer have some day, or use any other username you may no longer identify with or care for in the future.



User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.


Old Thread Warning
This thread is more than 90 days old. When a thread is this old, it is often better to start a new thread rather than post to it. However, If you feel you have something of value to add to this particular thread, you can do so by checking the box below before submitting your post.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
How to Handle Agressive/Abusive Handlers? Arksly Horse Protection 55 12-30-2011 01:41 PM
What is abusive? kevinshorses Horse Training 93 12-24-2009 07:35 PM
And the award for the most abusive horse owner... QHDragon Horse Pictures 46 08-11-2009 10:31 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome