Girlfriend's Abusive Father
   

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Girlfriend's Abusive Father

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  • Abusive parents: horse forum
  • Girlfriend has abusive father

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    10-22-2012, 09:00 PM
  #1
Foal
Girlfriend's Abusive Father

I have recently found out that my girlfriend has an abusive father, and without going into too much detail, I can tell you for certain that this is true and she is not lying. She says it doesn't happen very often, only when he gets extremely mad, and that anger is directed at her. She says that he is on medication for anger issues, realizes what he has done, and she says that he is "as good as he's going to get." I do not accept this.
I really feel the need to do something about this, but she has told me that if I do she will never trust me again(She doesn't want me telling anyone either). I am very protective of her, and I feel enraged that she has something like this happening in her life.
I'm only a teenager and I have no idea what to do in this situation. Her mom is very nice, I'm not sure if she knows what is going on.
I would appreciate advice on what to do. I don't want to lose her, but I love her and I am willing to if it ends up helping her in the long run.
We are both 17, by the way.
Sincere thanks for reading this and giving advice.
     
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    10-22-2012, 09:05 PM
  #2
Yearling
In these situations in Canada (not sure about other countries) once you know about it you have a legal duty to report it to the police.
     
    10-22-2012, 09:31 PM
  #3
Green Broke
I'm willing to bet her mother knows.

I think you have an obligation to report the evidence you have to the authorities.
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    10-22-2012, 09:31 PM
  #4
Trained
Samstead, the legalities are not an issue in a situation like this. I'm sure a 17yr old doesn't need to hear that on top of an already tense situation.

Natermotor, I would advise you and your friend to call the kids helpline or whatever it's equivalent is in your area. Your counsellor at the school can get you the number and if (s)he asks why, you are under no obligation to tell her/him anything. You just want the number. That's all; thank you very much.

There is NO excuse, no "this is as good as it gets", no "he's trying, so it's OK I'm black and blue." You are right, this needs to be dealt with. You need some professional advice and the public helpline is the best way to get it without compromising your relationship with your friend. When you call, you have to focus on YOUR situation, not your friend's. When your friend calls, she needs to focus on her situation. The tricky part will be getting your friend to call. Maybe just telling her that it's a place to vent without any repercussions will be enough.

Good luck! Stay strong and don't be an enabler, for sure. Sounds like you have it straight.
Hidalgo13 and Foxhunter like this.
     
    10-22-2012, 09:36 PM
  #5
Trained
Dancing Arabian, again, obligation is a tough word here. And does the mother know? Maybe, maybe not. Is the mother even in the picture? Maybe, maybe not.

Many abusers are full-time sneaks and cons and many victims are enablers without realizing it.

That's why they need to speak to pros... and get all the info out there.
     
    10-22-2012, 09:44 PM
  #6
Foal
Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthernMama    
Dancing Arabian, again, obligation is a tough word here. And does the mother know? Maybe, maybe not. Is the mother even in the picture? Maybe, maybe not.

Many abusers are full-time sneaks and cons and many victims are enablers without realizing it.

That's why they need to speak to pros... and get all the info out there.
I just asked her and she said that he occasionally hits her mother too.

I probably will be taking this down at the end of the night, she rides horses too and I'm not sure if she visits this forum.

Thank you everyone so far for your advice, especially NorthernMama. I plan to visit the school counselor tomorrow.
     
    10-22-2012, 09:48 PM
  #7
Trained
I'm not sure you will be able to remove the post, but you know, this could be anyone right? So unless your username is recognizable to your friend, it may not be an issue anyway.

Good luck!
     
    10-22-2012, 09:49 PM
  #8
Yearling
Child Protection - Reporting Child Abuse
In BC (and I'd guess most other provinces and several states) if you even THINK a child is being abused you do have a legal duty to report it.
     
    10-22-2012, 09:50 PM
  #9
Yearling
Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthernMama    
Dancing Arabian, again, obligation is a tough word here. And does the mother know? Maybe, maybe not. Is the mother even in the picture? Maybe, maybe not.

Many abusers are full-time sneaks and cons and many victims are enablers without realizing it.

That's why they need to speak to pros... and get all the info out there.
no it's really not a tough word someone is being physically abused. Not telling is just going to enable the abuser.
     
    10-22-2012, 09:52 PM
  #10
Weanling
Um... Someone needs to get involved. School Counselor...Police...Your own parents. Someone.
     

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