Going to meet my father for the first time! - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 37 Old 07-30-2012, 06:09 PM Thread Starter
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Arrow Going to meet my father for the first time!

I know this is personal information but I want to share it and get people's thoughts and maybe suggestions.

So some of you know I am adopted. I'm 20 years old and just last fall got in contact with my bioligical mother who I have come to find out nothing has changed and she is sadly still a drunk. But now I know and I won't have to think what if I never found her. Her loss not mine. In fact I might behaving to get a no contact order on her as she didn't take to me kindly telling her I don't want to be apart of her life as it was so painful and damaging and all around not healthy many way. She is my birth mother nothing more. I have a mom the one who raised me and knows everything about and who has my back no matter what.

Okay so putting that aside, iv only known one thing about my birth father. His name, Richard.
When I talked to my birthmother I said I wanted to know who is and if she knew how I could find him. She wouldn't talk about him.
All I have ever wanted to know is who my dad is. Iv been raised by a single parent, don't get wrong my mom is amazing I love her to death but iv always felt like I'm missing a part of who I am.

So I got a call from a number I didn't know yesterday so I let it go to my voicemail. Checked it and it said "hi this is Rick call me back when can"

So I called back to say I think you have the wrong number.
He asked if I was "Sam" (I am) and I replied yes and there was a long pause and he then said he was my father...

He got my contact information from my birth mother

So I'm overwhelmed
Very happy
And we want to meet each other

So here is the question I have.... How would you do it?
Like public place to meet or at his house?

Crazy. But something iv wanted all my life.
Oh and he loves horses and used to ride and own a couple walkers! Now I know where I got my horse bug from!
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post #2 of 37 Old 07-30-2012, 06:17 PM
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Deffinatly a public place, he is after all a compleat stranger.
Treat him as a stranger, no personal info, If any thing comes of this you will have plenty of time to share later.
He could also not be your biological father, your B. Mother could be wrong.
Be very careful, let someone know where and when you meet, better yet come with you and sit at a different table if you want to talk privatly.
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post #3 of 37 Old 07-30-2012, 06:19 PM
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Not my experience, but a friends.

Meet somewhere public, and keep it short, make it before some event you can't miss. That way when it gets awkward you can go. This also makes it a short meeting to get the first time jitters out of the way. Make it up to you to make a follow up visit if it all goes well. This is what a friend did and she said it was the best way she could have planned it.
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post #4 of 37 Old 07-30-2012, 06:29 PM
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Hands down...public place.
If it were me, I would want genetic testing as confirmation up front. It removes all doubt. And it would be good to obtain all the valuable info you can - such as medical info from both biological parents.

There is just as much horse sense as ever, but the horses have most of it.
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post #5 of 37 Old 07-30-2012, 06:33 PM Thread Starter
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I'm taking my best friend who has also been through this before too.
He is my dad, he knows things only he would know about me and my adoption.
I'm so excited and in shock at the same time. I think I said wow like ten times...lol
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post #6 of 37 Old 07-30-2012, 06:56 PM
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I have no experience, but I agree with public place being a must. And congrats! It's very exciting and I hope he won't disappoint you!

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass: it's about learning to dance in the rain..."

"When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves."

"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours."
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post #7 of 37 Old 07-30-2012, 07:02 PM
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Congrats! I agree with everybody else. Public place...maybe like a lunch or something really casual. Just as you would if you were meeting with a new friend from work or something.

*Insert something witty*
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post #8 of 37 Old 07-30-2012, 07:33 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks! I'll have took and find a good place to eat there.
I have three siblings through his side. I'm the baby of the family.
He is a lot older but that is okay im used to an older parent. My mom (who adopted me) is 63 and he is 65. So my oldest sibling is 42! That ones might be weird and take adjusting to lol so I have two older brothers and a older sister and lots of brides and nephews lol I think I want to just meet him for a few times and then go on to meet the family.

Its funny I was telling a friend today about it and how I automatically want to call him dad, as that is what he is but when my birthmother found me she was debby or my birth mom nothing more. But it just feels right to call him dad.
He has carried around a baby picture of me around in his wallet all these years and thanks to him I wound up in a great adoptive family. He was the one who called CPS and got them to come out. He at the time I am guessing didn't have the means to be my dad and knew the condition I was living in (with all my siblings through my birth mother was highly dangerous and unhealthy for everyone.

It's kind of cool cause we are all half related siblings on my moms side so out of the siblings I know they all have different biological fathers and he's all mine! Not selfish here but behave to share the same crazy sad drunk birth mother but he's my dad!

He helped take care of all of us when he was in the picture for the 4 months we lived with her before he got CPS to get us away from her.
Im hoping it goes well. I don't have any high expectations and hope he isn't a disappointment but from the phone conversation we had yesterday I isn't get that feeling. I told him I got adopted into the best home with the best mom ever! That my life has been great, not the easiest but nothing to complain about!

I'm so excited to learn about myself more and get more answers about my adoption and all of that.
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post #9 of 37 Old 07-30-2012, 07:37 PM Thread Starter
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This is him with his dog Stryder
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post #10 of 37 Old 07-30-2012, 09:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Klassic Superstar View Post

This is him with his dog Stryder
He has German Shepherd, he can't be all bad...... but meeting in a Public Place like everyone said is the best idea and go slow as you would with any new person you 1st meet, catching up on the past will take some time.

Congratulations


.
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May all your Trails be happy and safe ones

Kevin
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