Grandkids Birthdays
 
 

       The Horse Forum > Life Beyond Horses > General Off Topic Discussion

Grandkids Birthdays

This is a discussion on Grandkids Birthdays within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

    Like Tree1Likes
    • 1 Post By Muppetgirl

     
    LinkBack Thread Tools
        06-19-2013, 08:38 AM
      #1
    Yearling
    Grandkids Birthdays

    I am a step grandma. My step daughter chooses to have 2 of her three kid's birthdays on holidays, one on Father's day and the other on Memorial day. It is a three hour at least round trip to her place and all three birthdays are within a 6 week time frame. Hubby wanted to golf this Father's day with other family members but didn't due to his grandson's party. It is getting a tad ridiculous to drive three times there and to have to give up holidays. The kids were not born on those days, it just works out for her better. Well it isn't working out for us. Am I wrong in feeling frustrated about this? Hubby wants to talk to her but has yet to do it. His son in laws family is financially "cushier" than we are so the fuel does not bother them. They don't camp or golf or pretty much do anything outside so holidays do not bother them also. Is it just me or is it a selfish thing to have birthday parties on holidays?
         
    Sponsored Links
    Advertisement
     
        06-19-2013, 09:06 AM
      #2
    Started
    Any birthday party on a holiday is hard for all who want to attend. But you have to decide if bringing it up will be worth the outcome. Not knowing the other side, its hard to say yes talk to them, or no don't. Usually parties are planned ahead, so that should give you enough time to plan your schedule accordingly. I could understand if the party is a last minute get together, but if it happens every year, then you should how to plan for it. Golf courses will always be there; people can have a picnic any time. If it really bothers you, next year say you can't attend because you have prior commitments, but say you'll make sure to stop by the weekend before or after or send a card/gift. To me, it isn't a big deal and blowing off a relative's birthday party to go golfing is being selfish.
         
        06-19-2013, 09:17 AM
      #3
    Banned
    Yes - it's ridiculous. It's inconvenient, but life is inconvenient is it not?

    What you need to do is start learning to say 'NO'. I would make ONE trip, deliver all the birthday gifts and tell them that you and your husband have made other plans.

    I say NO all the time now, if I don't I just become resentful and pi$$ed off....what's the worst that could happen if you say no? Your reasons for not going are your own and you don't need to explain yourself to anyone.

    It's like people who get married in a foreign country on New Year's Eve.....don't be surprised if others cannot make it to your wedding - timing and finances, we all want more time and more money (well at least I do;)
    freia likes this.
         
        06-19-2013, 09:30 AM
      #4
    Started
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Muppetgirl    
    Yes - it's ridiculous. It's inconvenient, but life is inconvenient is it not?

    What you need to do is start learning to say 'NO'. I would make ONE trip, deliver all the birthday gifts and tell them that you and your husband have made other plans.

    I say NO all the time now, if I don't I just become resentful and pi$$ed off....what's the worst that could happen if you say no? Your reasons for not going are your own and you don't need to explain yourself to anyone.

    It's like people who get married in a foreign country on New Year's Eve.....don't be surprised if others cannot make it to your wedding - timing and finances, we all want more time and more money (well at least I do;)

    Normally I would agree with this, but this isn't some random kid's birthday. Its your grandkids' birthdays. Blood or not, you should be there. I certainly don't want to go to all my neice's or newphews' birthdays or recitals, whatever it may be, but I do, sometimes with less then ideal notice. But I'm big on family support systems. You're an adult and you don't always get to do what you want. Why can't your husband go golfing the day before, even if its just 9 holes? Heck, he can probably get 9 holes in the day of the party too. Ask me how I know!
         
        06-19-2013, 09:42 AM
      #5
    Banned
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by wetrain17    
    Normally I would agree with this, but this isn't some random kid's birthday. Its your grandkids' birthdays. Blood or not, you should be there. I certainly don't want to go to all my neice's or newphews' birthdays or recitals, whatever it may be, but I do, sometimes with less then ideal notice. But I'm big on family support systems. You're an adult and you don't always get to do what you want. Why can't your husband go golfing the day before, even if its just 9 holes? Heck, he can probably get 9 holes in the day of the party too. Ask me how I know!
    That's true, however my kids grandmother lives in NZ, she can't be at anything - doesn't mean she doesn't love them any less than the grandparents that are here - I don't pressure anyone to be at any of our events especially if its a 3 hour drive.

    'You're an adult and you don't always get to do what you want.' < the same could be said for the mother of these kids.
         
        06-19-2013, 10:05 AM
      #6
    Started
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Muppetgirl    
    That's true, however my kids grandmother lives in NZ, she can't be at anything - doesn't mean she doesn't love them any less than the grandparents that are here - I don't pressure anyone to be at any of our events especially if its a 3 hour drive.

    'You're an adult and you don't always get to do what you want.' < the same could be said for the mother of these kids.

    Well distance plays a major part on that one, doesn't it

    OP is 3 hours round trip. I don't think 1 1/2 hr drive one way is too much to handle. If it were 3 hours one way, I could understand making one visit between Memorial day and Fathers day and be done with it. But making the 3 hour round trip and then again 6 weeks later is not asking for much by any means, especially for family. My parents live far enough away that I don't see them too often. They make quarterly visits and usually stay with my one brother, which is 1 1/2 hours away, one way for me. When they come to visit I make the 3 hour round trip everyday they are in town, so having to do it twice in 6 weeks, is not that bad. Even if OP had to take public transportation.
         
        06-19-2013, 11:06 AM
      #7
    Yearling
    Three birthdays within 6 weeks, we go there a lot....fixing their furnace-several times, fixing their air, sawing a huge tree down and taking the scrub back home on our hay trailer, attending kid's school events, redoing kitchen flooring, doing their vehicle brakes and whatever else is need of repair etc. These 34 year olds have their masters and although not rich are doing fine. I do not mind helping from time to time but they need to stop relying on parents. Aside from us working and doing our own repairs/remodeling, we are stretched out too much. Father's day is just that.....it is a father's DAY. As far as golfing, his son and nephews including his brother golf annually on Father's day and hubby always misses it. She does not need to have birthdays on holidays. I always hold my tongue.
         
        06-19-2013, 11:35 AM
      #8
    Started
    OP, if it bothers you that much, which it clearly does, then talk to her about it. But do so tactfully. Don't make it sound like you don't want to be there for the kids, after all, its not their fault their parents pick those days of the party (which I'm sure you understand). Be very clear its NOT because you don't want to be there for the kids.
         
        06-20-2013, 08:54 AM
      #9
    Yearling
    Thanks...I honestly do not think she will change the days. So, I do not think it is wrong on occasion to miss a birthday but send a gift or maybe Skype. It has to start balancing out, right now it isn't. It is going to be what it is going to be.
         
        06-20-2013, 09:24 AM
      #10
    Green Broke
    If you can't go, or don't want to go, instead set up to go pick the child up and take them to do something special. Just make sure you Aren't in attendance for one and not the other without making it up to them.
    Posted via Mobile Device
         

    Thread Tools

    Similar Threads
    Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
    Birthdays Vidaloco General Off Topic Discussion 244 10-22-2014 07:59 PM
    Birthdays FGRanch General Off Topic Discussion 45 04-23-2008 09:27 PM
    Birthdays...... free_sprtd General Off Topic Discussion 15 01-14-2008 02:27 PM



    All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:42 PM.


    Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
    Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
    Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0