GRRRRR Sister in laws......VENT!! - Page 2

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GRRRRR Sister in laws......VENT!!

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    10-10-2012, 08:14 AM
Yes, QOS, being a nurse is very much a "double edged sword" when it comes to this. I want to be honest with my hubby, but have to be careful not to depress him or scare him. I just have to make sure he stays as active and independent as possible as long as he can, and adapt our house to accomodate that.
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    10-10-2012, 08:27 AM
Franknbeans, please don't get me wrong. I can see that it is an emotional situation, and you have every right to feel the way you do. I guess just from an outsider's perspective, I can imagine the other side if you will. Just as you would expect them to forgive you for any slights during this hard time, it can also be beneficial to return that forgiveness. Their way of coping sounds as if it is completely foreign to you, and definitely not helping you cope either. Why not approach it like that? Talk to them - tell them your concerns, tell them how much you appreciate the love they have for their brother, then offer suggestions for how they can help out at this time. For example, maybe instead of coming on safari with you (because no-one wants their SiL along on a holiday at the best of times lol) your SiL could do something for you at home? Maybe something that she can actually help with - why not ask her to flex her MD muscles to investigate alternative therapies that your husband's specialist could then look at? Or maybe as simple as coming and feeding the cats/watering the plants while you are gone.

I am not at all suggesting that you're being horrible to your husband's sisters. Just trying to offer a different view point.
    10-10-2012, 09:25 AM
I have 2 brothers and would never think of acting like this, but yes, we are different people. I respect their wives to tell me if they need help. I offer and wait. As far as actual help from these 2-one lives 200 miles away, and she helps make the mom more dependent (:-/)-the other is across the ocean, and even when we were there, just a few weeks ago-she talked about how exhausted hubby looked, weight loss, etc, but continued to have him working his a$$ off at her house. We will have to agree to disagree. Maybe it comes from my family being far from close, who knows.
    10-10-2012, 09:54 AM
I'm so sorry franknbeans! Hang in there! My DH has a chronic illness too and it's a daily struggle. Stay tough! My dhs family is the opposite of yours, they could care less and I've had to go to bat for him on multiple occasions. Either way sometimes you just want to punch them!! Or at least shake them pretty good!

I like what you posted three posts ago. Just line her out and tell her what you wrote without the father in law stuff. Should get her thinking, or at least shut her up for a bit. Again, hang in there!!! I've got family and friends with ms and while it can be a struggle they are still kickin, extend your vacation and have a ball!!
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    10-10-2012, 10:50 AM
FranknBeans sorry that you have received such bad news and a horrible diagnosis.
You cnat control how others react to bad news but you can control how you are afftected by their reactions.
Your husband need to come to terms with his diagnosis as well as you do.
Your in laws however well intentioned need to refrain from adding stress into your relationship and lives.
If your husband can't or wont take a stance then you need to.
There has got to be a lot of anger and fear after receiving such news.
Be glad they care and encourage their relationship with their brother. He is going to need all the support he can gather in the future.
However as his caretaker and wife you need your stress level reduced and a simblance of peace somewhere in your life.
Have you thought about joining a local support group?
Good luck and my thought and prayers are with you. Shalom Donald
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    10-10-2012, 03:40 PM
Thanks DH-yes, we are actively looking at our local resources. WE have really been pretty surprised, in the Northern VA area, as populated as it is, at how few there are.
    10-10-2012, 07:58 PM
Keep me posted I might know someone in the Dallas area that can tell me something about services where you live. Pm me if you want so I can maybe inpoint your area.
Being his advcate and your own is a good thing. Don't forget that you too need to rest and never be afraid to ask for help. Shalom
    10-10-2012, 08:01 PM
Thanks DH-Appreciate it. At this point he is still fiercely independent......
    10-10-2012, 08:10 PM
Thats good that he is. Means he isn't going to lay down and wither away.
That is a tough pill to swallow. All the best Shalom
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    10-11-2012, 07:19 PM
I'm really sorry you and your husband are dealing with such a stressful situation. Even though your sisters-in -law probably mean well, it's got to be driving you crazy! Have you ever thought about maybe sending out an email to all the family in the form a short, friendly note stating something like "Even though we've been dealt a curveball, from this point on, we're thinking positive thoughts only. There will be no discussions of this issue unless it involves encouragement and optimism!" It would be gentle yet still get a point across. On another note, have you and your husband considered looking into bee sting therapy? There was a show on the Discovery Channel a while back following MS patients and improvements to their mobility through weekly sessions. Definitely out of left field but it seemed to give them some relief :)

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