Had a long, tiring day..and need serious advice. - Page 2
 
 

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Had a long, tiring day..and need serious advice.

This is a discussion on Had a long, tiring day..and need serious advice. within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

     
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        01-20-2011, 03:51 PM
      #11
    Green Broke
    Well I hope everything goes well! Good luck! :)
         
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        01-20-2011, 06:19 PM
      #12
    Foal
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Alwaysbehind    
    Being as friendly as you can is never a bad thing.

    You do not have to run and hug her and such. Just be polite and happy.

    Can not wait to hear about your fun riding at your Dad's place.
    I was about to kill my dad when he was listing off all of his injuries to my mom from horseback riding. It doesn't help that she doesn't trust my dad. I doubt he will let us on a horse this Sunday. We'll probably get to see them, but mostly we will be getting to know everyone. I'll update everyone when I get back on Sunday. :)
         
        01-20-2011, 06:20 PM
      #13
    Foal
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ray MacDonald    
    Well I hope everything goes well! Good luck! :)
    Thanks!
         
        01-20-2011, 06:46 PM
      #14
    Green Broke
    AlwaysBehind gave great advice.

    Definitely get to know your Dad, his girlfriend, and your Grandma without any bias. You know your mom, so do not let anything anyone else says change what you think about her, just like you shouldn't let what she says affect your relationship with the others. Make and form your own opinions.

    It might be hard to do in the beginning, but it will be much easier down the road to be the person who was friendly and willing to strike up a conversation. They will not be able to go back and say So-and-so is such a rude girl because she did xyz.

    The GF has gotten used to you and your sisters not being involved in your dads life, so she will consider it an intrusion. Try to be helpful around the house when you visit...like volunteer to help set/clear the table, or to mash the potatoes. That way she will be glad to have you around the next time.
         
        01-21-2011, 09:01 AM
      #15
    Foal
    Thanks everyone for wonderful advice! :)

    It doesn't help how my sisters are extremely shy, and won't really talk to anyone. I have to make sure they are fine, and make sure people don't think they are rude.
         
        01-23-2011, 07:06 PM
      #16
    Foal
    I had an interesting day..but I feel like crying right now.

    It was kind of fun. I got to see the horses, but it was too cold to ride. My dad signed a paper that my mom needed..and all was well. His mom was alright, and was only there for a few minutes. His girlfriend was nice, and her kid was decent.

    When I got home, my mom and gram were out. I had forgotten that my mom was going to a concert with her boyfriend tonight. When my gram got here, she asked how my day went. I told her that it was alright, because I didn't want to get her feelings hurt. She told me good that he signed to the paper, because now I don't really have to see him. The thing is I WANT to see him. She doesn't understand. She keeps telling me what he has put us through, and that I'm being disloyal and she is blown away.

    I'm really upset right now. I want my dad back in my life. I miss him. My mom is upset, but she is alright with it for the most part. Now my gram is yelling at me, saying what a bad mother my mom is, and I'm just like her. I'm just ignoring her. Why is she being like this??? And then she said she could understand if it was my mom that did this to us, that I would want to see her. But it is weird to want to see your own father!

    My mom just called, and I can't even tell her about it..because my gram is standing in the same room. I also don't want my mom stressed out, because she has been excited to go to this concert for a long time.

    The bottom line is that I want to see my dad. She is going to have to live with it, same with my mom. I should have every right to see my dad. My mom is actually alright with it, because she knows how I feel. She listens to me, unlike my gram.
         
        01-24-2011, 04:40 AM
      #17
    Green Broke
    If you were little when your parents seperated/divorced....there could be a lot of things that went on that you might not be aware of. Some of that can sit under the surface for years, and ooze back up, even if it has no relevance to today.

    You said you were 16, correct? To me, that means you are at an age that you can decide for yourself to see a parent if you choose too. However, I am not exactly up to date on the legal side of it, so I could not tell you with 100% certainty that you can ACTUALLY do this.

    I am glad to hear that your visit went well though!

    Unless your Grandma has legal guardianship over you, she cannot make a decision regarding this. It will be up to your parents.
         
        01-24-2011, 10:16 AM
      #18
    Foal
    I was little when my parents divorced. I was 3. He left before Christmas, and then he tried taking custody over us with his wife when I was around 6. He lost, but it was a huge battle.

    Legally he has visitation rights. He gets to see us every other weekend. My mom is setting up a different time with him though, because we go to church and do a lot of family things on the weekend.

    I know that he has put our family through hell. I love him though, and forgive him. Maybe he has changed?

    My grandma isn't a leagal guardian, and in my opinion should leave her opinion out of this. I know that she cares about this, but I was called so many words last night. Doesn't she care about how my sisters and I feel?
         
        01-24-2011, 10:16 AM
      #19
    Banned
    It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders.

    There are 2 sides to every story. And I think the saying then adds something like the truth being some where in the middle.

    When a relationship fails it is rarely the fault of all one party.

    I do not think it is fair to say he put your family through hell. Both your parents did this. It sounds like your father really cares about you and has wanted you in his life all along. If your mother and grandmother are trying to turn you away from them, they are more to blame than anyone.

    My father left my mother for his girl friend. From the outside looking in one could believe my mother's rants that he ruined our lives, etc. Now that I am older and I can see the facts better I really do not blame my father for leaving my mother. She is very difficult to deal with, etc.


    Your grandmother seems to think that you caring about your father means you care about your mother less. Please ignore her when she does this.

    I would love to say things will get easier as you get older. They might. They might not. My mother still goes out of her way to make us (my siblings and I) feel guilty if we mention that we have talked to my father.


    Get to know your father. Enjoy your time with him. Make your own decisions. If your mother and grandmother do not want to hear that you are enjoying your visits, come here and share your fun with us.
         
        01-24-2011, 10:36 AM
      #20
    Foal
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Alwaysbehind    
    It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders.

    There are 2 sides to every story. And I think the saying then adds something like the truth being some where in the middle.

    When a relationship fails it is rarely the fault of all one party.

    I do not think it is fair to say he put your family through hell. Both your parents did this. It sounds like your father really cares about you and has wanted you in his life all along. If your mother and grandmother are trying to turn you away from them, they are more to blame than anyone.

    My father left my mother for his girl friend. From the outside looking in one could believe my mother's rants that he ruined our lives, etc. Now that I am older and I can see the facts better I really do not blame my father for leaving my mother. She is very difficult to deal with, etc.


    Your grandmother seems to think that you caring about your father means you care about your mother less. Please ignore her when she does this.

    I would love to say things will get easier as you get older. They might. They might not. My mother still goes out of her way to make us (my siblings and I) feel guilty if we mention that we have talked to my father.


    Get to know your father. Enjoy your time with him. Make your own decisions. If your mother and grandmother do not want to hear that you are enjoying your visits, come here and share your fun with us.
    Thanks, and yes I will post up pictures of when we get on a horse!
         

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