The hardest thing was not getting to say goodbye
 
 

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The hardest thing was not getting to say goodbye

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  • It's not that i didn't get to say goodbye, it's that i didn't get to say i love you one last time
  • How to say good bye death of grandpa quotes

 
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    05-18-2011, 02:22 AM
  #1
Banned
Unhappy The hardest thing was not getting to say goodbye

I know everyone is so tired from hearing from me on this forum because, I'm like posting every other day or whatever but, honestly this thread I just can't hold back and trust me I tried but, I need to vent.

Today is the passing of my grandfathers passing. He passed away on 5.18.09 and it's now 2 years (i believe) that he's gone. I know my family has a whole different way of dealing it than I do but, I am going absolutely insane right now. Everyone else in my immediate family got to say good bye to him and I never got to.

I don't even know what I'm looking for out of this thread. Not looking for anything really just kind of need to vent. I barely even wanted to be a part of the funeral when we had his wake and the burial, while everyone was upstairs by his casket, I was down stairs crying and bawling my eyes out. I didn't even want to go to his burial but, I was forced to go and I was the only one that had to walk away while they folded up the flag and stuff because, I wasn't in the right mind to deal with it.

Well now, I feel like it's too late too even say that I'm sorry to him because, I feel like I disrespected him in a way. I don't even believe in god anymore, like we used to (i don't want this to turn into a religious debate). My grandfather used to be an usher in the church and we used to go every Sunday morning to church. I don't believe in god, I really don't and I don't care. This is my theory on it, if anyone cares.

If there is a god, than why does he take even the best of people away? Seriously though, he had a good life and that makes me happy. He was 86 when he passed away. I'm not even sure about that because, if I try to keep track it'll just make me more depressed. He was an FBI agent when he was younger and he was a loving father, loving grandfather and devoted husband, he was so nice to EVERYONE, even if he didn't like you he would never show it.

It's still really hard on me and I still cry every year on this date... Is that normal to experience this? Especially this bad at this point in time?

I try to think about the best times me and him had together when I was younger and it kind of makes it feel better but, the fact that I didn't actually have the "time" to say good bye makes it worse.

Okay, I'm done now.. Sorry again everyone..
     
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    05-18-2011, 03:58 AM
  #2
Super Moderator
I'm sorry for your grandpa.

If talking about (Christian) religious views of it why there's suffering and other bad things in the world, there are different theories for it. It's called a theodicy problem. My religious side thinks that there's an explanation for that but we might will never know why. That's still just my very personal view, please folks don't take it as a start of a debate.

If thinking about life span 86 is a great and pretty high age. If life of the person was good, you can always try to think tha he had a great, long and rich life.

Sure anniversaries (both good or bad) always remind us of things and raise feelings. If your feeling still lasts and affects on your daily life, it'd be good to get it processed some way. 2 years is still a short period of time.

I'm sorry that you didn't manage to say goodbye to him.
     
    05-18-2011, 07:02 PM
  #3
Banned
Thanks for the kind words TaMMa89. I guess I take it harder than the rest of the family.
     
    05-18-2011, 07:33 PM
  #4
Yearling
I know how you feel. My mom died back in 03' and I still miss her and like you I didn't get to say good bye. You will always miss them but the one thing that helps me on my moms death is the fact that I knew she loved me.

You grandfather loved you very much just hold on to to memories that you made together. Time does heal in time but no one can say oh you will he fine in such and such time. Everyone heals differently.

I hope that the healing process starts soon for you but always remember that your grandfather loved you and wants to see you happy again.
     
    05-18-2011, 07:56 PM
  #5
Yearling
I would consider myself very lucky to reach the age of 86 and I'm sure your grandfather would too. It sounds to me that God gave him a very long and fulfilling life with family that really cared about him. To not believe in God is like saying that you don't believe your grandfather is anywhere right now and just simply doesn't exist anymore. I believe he is in an amazing place, watching you grow up and smiling at the fact that you care about him so much. I would concentrate on knowing you will be with him again some day, instead of denying the existence of God over something we were all meant to do.
     
    05-18-2011, 08:08 PM
  #6
Weanling
I know how you feel. I never got to say good-bye to one of my Grandfathers as I couldn't handle going to see him sick, and my other one, I had bought a kid book for when he found it hard to read(He had cancer and started slowly dieing than just took a turn for the worst), and I never got to give it to him before he passed away.

It will be a year for my book grandfather in October and only 3 weeks since my other Grandfather, so I really haven't had to go through an anniversary yet.

I can only say I understand how you feel.
     
    05-18-2011, 08:09 PM
  #7
Banned
Quote:
Originally Posted by equus717    
I know how you feel. My mom died back in 03' and I still miss her and like you I didn't get to say good bye. You will always miss them but the one thing that helps me on my moms death is the fact that I knew she loved me.

You grandfather loved you very much just hold on to to memories that you made together. Time does heal in time but no one can say oh you will he fine in such and such time. Everyone heals differently.

I hope that the healing process starts soon for you but always remember that your grandfather loved you and wants to see you happy again.
I think about him all the time but, it just doesn't help. Everyone says it's going to get easier but, every year for me it seems to get worse. I really can't even go over to the grave site anymore it's that upsetting.

I'm sure the healing process will start soon. Thanks :)




Quote:
Originally Posted by Whisper22    
I would consider myself very lucky to reach the age of 86 and I'm sure your grandfather would too. It sounds to me that God gave him a very long and fulfilling life with family that really cared about him. To not believe in God is like saying that you don't believe your grandfather is anywhere right now and just simply doesn't exist anymore. I believe he is in an amazing place, watching you grow up and smiling at the fact that you care about him so much. I would concentrate on knowing you will be with him again some day, instead of denying the existence of God over something we were all meant to do.
Honestly, I really don't want to get into a religious debate. It's not worth it. I don't know where he is, don't know where the soul goes when someone die. I always believed that when someone dies the soul stays in the house (even if the person didn't die in the house) but, I don't believe in god. I know he's watching over me, I'm sure of that, I got into an accident just the other day and my head hit the steering wheel of my car, when I went to the doctor they said "someone must have been watching over you because all you have is a slight bruise, your lucky"

I don't know if i'll see him again one day but, hopefully I will and until that day comes or until someone proves me wrong that there is a god well to me that's how it stands.
     
    05-18-2011, 08:12 PM
  #8
Banned
Quote:
Originally Posted by EmilyandNikki    
I know how you feel. I never got to say good-bye to one of my Grandfathers as I couldn't handle going to see him sick, and my other one, I had bought a kid book for when he found it hard to read(He had cancer and started slowly dieing than just took a turn for the worst), and I never got to give it to him before he passed away.

It will be a year for my book grandfather in October and only 3 weeks since my other Grandfather, so I really haven't had to go through an anniversary yet.

I can only say I understand how you feel.
Thanks, I appreciate it. My grandfather died of prostate cancer and till this day I would still like to file for malpractice because, he was a heart patient and when he was in the hospital, they didn't have a heart monitor on him. They also tried to resuciatate him and it was his wish that they didn't. So, I don't know but, thank you
     
    05-18-2011, 09:05 PM
  #9
Weanling
I do not think it ever gets easier. I see a Father and Daughter having a good time and I cry. I see a semi with the same logo on it as my dads I cry. Some people seem to move on better than others or hide it. I am a very emotional person. When I love it is with everything inside me when I hate it takes everything I have to do it. So this is why I say for me it will never get easier.
They say he died a hero cause he did not cause and accident on the enter state when he died. I never told him by or all I wanted to say to him. I had just left his house a few weeks ago and he wanted me to stay. I wish I had. I cry all the time and fell like my heart is being riped out.
I know this probable is not helping I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.
     
    05-18-2011, 09:22 PM
  #10
Banned
Thanks raywonk. I'm sorry you have to go through that, I know how hard it is. At times I sit on my computer desk just talking randomly to my grandfather and honestly sometimes I feel like a complete physco and my hubby comes out and asks whats going on and who I am talking to but, I feel like it helps to some degree.

I had so many things that were left unsaid and I wish I was able to just have one more chance to see him. I too am an emotional person, I know how bad it can be.
     

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