Have a baby - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 24 Old 05-06-2012, 08:02 PM
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Originally Posted by cakemom View Post
That, mhs, is bad parenting.
Posted via Mobile Device
I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels that way.

For the most part I do have good parents. I know they love me, They feed me and keep a roof over my head, but laitly it's just one thing after another.

My name is now my horses on a dor not my horse sonador
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post #12 of 24 Old 05-06-2012, 09:33 PM
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Originally Posted by elumar View Post
Many teens prefer to pour their heart out on line won't do it to their parents
It all depends on how you grow a baby. I know some spoiled "do-whatever-I-want" kids and some that help the parents, work hard, etc. It's all about YOU as a parent, not about Internet or other people.

Frankly, I was quite surprise to read the original post. Not to offend, but bunch of strangers on Internet is not a good source to get advice on such a personal, intimate, and important thing as having a baby (plus, making one sometime can take very long time physically depending on lots of factors).

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass: it's about learning to dance in the rain..."

"When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves."

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post #13 of 24 Old 05-07-2012, 01:33 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by nvr2many View Post
I don't mean to sound old fashioned, but, whats wrong with getting married first???
Getting married first ? ha well, I suppose we are too new fashioned for that. We must have this 'abstract fear' of these huge procedure called divorce with courts and lawiers and fees. I'm sorry it doesn't sound very romantic but I don't know..........one could argue mariage is the commitment to god that's gonna make you remain with the person no matter if things are turning sour..ok I gotta think about that.....
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post #14 of 24 Old 05-07-2012, 01:43 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by myhorsesonador View Post
I used to be close to my parents, but I'd rather talk to people online now. Every time I try to talk to them, all they do is yell and tell me I'm being annoying.

I know I can be annoying at times, but there is 2 sides to every thing, and when they only want to see things from their side, thats when it gets hard.

For example, I need a car. I don't have one. I would be willing to pay for it, if I had the money. Well I wan't alowed to get a job till I finished school. Well now I can't get a job because the economy is in the toilet. I sold my horse, so I could help my parents out. I couldn't find a place to board, and we didn't have the money to build a fence yet. So I sold her, I was planing on using some of the money to buy a car. Well parents found out that the new house is was going to cost more to close on then they were originaly told. They took my money, if I had known I never would have sold my horse in the first place. So now I don't have a car or a horse. Even if I could find a job, at this point, I couldn't get there, because I don't have a ride on most days. Parents paid off moms car, so now we had that money. Great I should get a car right? Nope dad traided in his car, and bought a truck that I'm not alowed to drive. Payments on that truck are the same as the car they jsut paid off.

My parents can't understand why I cry every night. I didn't ask to live in this world, I didn't ask to born, but here I am.

That was probably more of a rant than any thing, but I feel screwed. I've been alone all day for the past week because dads at work, and mom is out driving my brother around to all his things. I don't have a car, and all my friends live over an hour away. No ones comming to hang out with me.
Jesus I'm sorry I did not mean to bring you down.
Your life sure sounds very difficult. Selling an animal must be a heart killer for sure and I have great sympathy for what you've been through. When do you finish your studies ?
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post #15 of 24 Old 05-07-2012, 10:08 PM
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Personally, I think the decision to have a baby is a very private and personal decision, and think anyone that asks such a question on the internet is not ready to assume the responsibility.

I also feel if you don't want to get married because you fear the complexities and cost of a divorce, you aren't ready for a relationship involving children.

I don't know how old you are, but I don't much care if you are 40...from your posts, you don't sound ready for a committed relationship - much less a child.

Sorry, but you asked...
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post #16 of 24 Old 05-08-2012, 12:19 PM
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So many young people feel lost and alone. It is not uncommon for them to fantasize about having a baby as a way of feeling wanted and needed. BUT, what they don't or can't take into consideration is the day to day GRIND of properly raising a child. It takes very little time for many young parents to start chafing at the limitations their life suddenly has. They can't go out and play anymore, they don't get a full nights sleep as they get up every few hours to a hungry crying child, they don't have money for that video game because the baby needs diapers....I could go on and on.

Wanting instant love and acceptance is NOT a reason to have a child, period.

Soon, the kids might want to foist the child into the grandparent's arms for free childcare while they go out and resume their young lives. This is not fair to the grandparents or the baby.

I am not trying to be a big downer. Parenthood is a wonderful thing when done at the proper time for the PROPER REASONS.

The best program in the world for young people thinking about parenthood is to have to live with a baby robot that teaches the REAL life responsibilities of raising a child. I highly recommend your looking into a program like this. It will give you a preview of the day-to-day life living with an infant.

As for getting married. It is not all about you, you know. Marriage protects the children by giving them a legal standing with protections. If you are getting into a relationship already protecting yourself from divorce and legal obligations....you are not ready for ANY of this discussion, IMO.
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post #17 of 24 Old 05-09-2012, 08:25 AM
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Originally Posted by elumar View Post
Getting married first ? ha well, I suppose we are too new fashioned for that. We must have this 'abstract fear' of these huge procedure called divorce with courts and lawiers and fees. I'm sorry it doesn't sound very romantic but I don't know..........one could argue mariage is the commitment to god that's gonna make you remain with the person no matter if things are turning sour..ok I gotta think about that.....
Just so you know, whether you are married or not, if you and your girlfriend have a child and split up, there may still be plenty of courts, lawyers, and fees to go around.

The fact that you're not into each other enough to be able to make a lifetime commitment may be telling of the likelihood that you will ultimately have to deal with the courts, lawyers, and fees you fear if you have a child together and don't agree on contingencies in the event that you and your girlfriend split up.

You said you both have jobs. Do you have family that will take care of the baby while you work? Alternatively, are your combined salaries enough to pay for full time child care? Or would you or your wife quit your job to take care of the baby? If so, would the remaining salary be enough to keep your family fed, clothed, and sheltered? Without losing sleep over the certainty of your next paycheck or your ability to pay your bills, including the additional expense of a baby and its accouterments?

It may be true that there is no perfect time to have a baby, but there is no doubt that certain times are a hell of a lot better than others.
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post #18 of 24 Old 05-09-2012, 09:12 AM
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OP, I find your thinking to be rather backward. I'd more readily get married than I would willingly bring another life into the world.

Having children is THE most important thing you'll ever do, and if you're of the mindset that a permanent commitment isn't something you're willing to make, then you and your GF are in no way, shape, or form ready to have a baby.

The idea of being responsible for another human being isn't something to be considered lightly. If you're too involved in yourself, the child will suffer.

The idea of having children should fill you with awe at the massive responsibility, not an 'oh it'll be FUN!' attitude. That right there tells me you shouldn't be procreating.
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post #19 of 24 Old 05-09-2012, 09:43 PM
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Originally Posted by elumar View Post
Thank you for these answers. thanks to all of you. What worries me is the stats have proven many kids when turning teenagers are escaping reality by joining teens online community.Many teens prefer to pour their heart out on line won't do it to their parents
Online is just online and it will never replace the face to face communication
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post #20 of 24 Old 05-10-2012, 10:34 AM
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I think the world is a beautiful place. It's autumn here and it's like the town is painted every shade of red and gold. I'm often surprised by the kindness and consideration shown to me by others. I hear of other people saying how bad the world has become, how crazy teenagers are, how hard times are now but to be honest I think these are things that people just say about new things and new events and new ways of doing things. Teenagers have always been distant and unpredictable. I know my parents were like that, and likely their parents before them. We've lived through far worse times and I think we'll all be okay in the end. While I'm not wealthy, I'm happy and I like my life. I'd be proud to share this world with a child.

Although a baby turns into a child, and then a teenager and then an adult and through all those stages you have to be a parent. It's not something that stops one day. It's a commitment for the rest of your life. Even if you get divorced, lose your job etc, you're still a parent. I know I am not quite ready to make the commitment yet, but I hope someday I will be.

If you're questioning your decision then maybe you're not ready at all.
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