Help or advice on this money issue would be greatly appreciated... - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 15 Old 04-29-2012, 08:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Junie2014 View Post
I have an issue that I need help with, especially from horse people. I made some decisions, and I'm pregnant. I am 16 years old.
The father is willing to stand by me through thick and thin, and has already proven to me he says what he means. We are exploring our options on what to do with the baby. We are leaning towards keeping it, but I need some opinions on how to handle it financially.

Our parents don't know yet, and we plan on telling them, together, very soon. We want to have our plan set in stone before we tell them.

The problem is, I have two horses. One is a quarter horse gelding, age 12, and the other is a roan filly, age 7 months. The board for the both of them is $450, and both of my brothers are in college. I have faced the fact that I will have to sell one of them, and probably tap into my college fund to support the baby.

Basically, I'm asking you guys, how do I decide which horse to sell? I think the older gelding will be easier to sell in my area. I'm just looking for his happiness, not any achievements I want him to fulfill. But it would be so hard...he was my first horse and best friend when nobody else was there. This baby is the newest addition, and I'm not sure it would be possible. I'm under a contract where the filly was free, as long as she is owned by ME and boarded at that property for a year. She has more potential due to her age, and I know she would be happy with me. However, she would likely be more valuable.
HOW do I decide this? Any advice?

*Please don't be critical over what has happened. It has already happened, and nobody can take it back.
Originally Posted by JaneyWaney9 View Post
I completely agree. I guess I sort of needed to get my thoughts out, have someone call me ignorant over it, and then realize what needs to be done.
No one called you ignorant.

Last edited by Mike_Admin; 04-30-2012 at 08:01 AM.
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post #12 of 15 Old 04-29-2012, 08:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Cinnys Whinny View Post
LOL My son is 2 1/2 and I barely get a couple hours a day of "me" time. I have to decide between a nap, a shower, and the horse. Seriously.... not kidding!

And yes, that strong horsey odor is me!!! I'm the one that smells bad of horse and barn and looks like she's going to keel over from lack of sleep :)
I went on the low side.

When I babysit my 1 year old niece, I run myself ragged trying to keep up with her. Then when she goes home, I need a nap. If I had to deal with her everyday, I'd lock myself in a closet and have a panic attack. Just kidding, but she's a very needy baby. Very happy, just go, go go!

"The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with
him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too."

-Samuel Butler
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post #13 of 15 Old 04-29-2012, 09:19 PM
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Here's a site that may help you price out baby for the first year:

Life in the Fast Lane--Activities--Baby Budget
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post #14 of 15 Old 04-30-2012, 07:31 AM
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Originally Posted by Junie2014 View Post
I have an issue that I need help with, especially from horse people. I made some decisions, and I'm pregnant. I am 16 years old.
The father is willing to stand by me through thick and thin, and has already proven to me he says what he means. We are exploring our options on what to do with the baby. We are leaning towards keeping it, but I need some opinions on how to handle it financially.
Oh boy...

Almost all relationships at 16 don't last long so the likelihood of your child's father sticking around, helping out financially, helping out with the baby, helping out emotionally, is about slim to non when he realizes that his life is about to change. A lot of young guys pledge their support in these situations, then when they realize they can't get up and do everything they used to that's when reality hits them and they bail very quickly.

Your options financially are pretty limited given your age, lack of education and work experience. You're obviously going to need the support of your parents, maybe even the Government with social assistance and any other program you qualify for ... your horse riding days are about to be over for a very long time. As someone else said, you might as well sell both horses because you won't be riding regularly once you're later in the pregnancy and when you do give birth. A few of my friends had kids years ago and non of them have got back into riding ... you know, the whole mother thing takes up a lot of time and money?

I have a family member who is a social worker and we've talked about this at length: When you have a child as a young teen, the probability of you not having such a great life is very high. I'm not saying you would be a bad mother or that you can't lead a great successful life for you and your child but the odds are stacked against you. You'll probably have to quit school, and despite promises to go back you never will - most young teens who have kids don't. That will translate into you never finding a decent job that can support your family. Unfortunately, a lot of young guys don't want to stick around or get involved with someone with a child so you will probably be single. Are your parents well off? If not, you'll have to rely on the Government to help you out.

Do you see where I'm going with this? I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything but for every mother who had a child at 16 and turned out OK there are probably ten who didn't and are struggling really bad. It's extremely unfortunate but you need to think about the long term, what's best for you and what's best for the child. Good luck.
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post #15 of 15 Old 04-30-2012, 08:04 AM
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Much respect to Jinxremoving for responding with complete and uncensored honesty, providing the much needed, difficult to hear, but honest response.

At 16 a person is barely maturing emotionally and is not prepared to have a child financially, as a result, the parents not only must rely completely on parental of government support but will need to give up every luxury - including both horses, shopping, starbucks - the parents won't have time for those activities anyway.

It's highly unlikely that teenage parents graduate high school, especially the mother, and even more unlikely that either of you will eventually attain a good career as you are severely impaired in both time and financial resources. Most college programs require a time commitment of 40-50 hours per week or more, add working enough to support yourself and the child, then add the time required to actually raise them, and understand the difficulty. That will not only affect the child, but yourself. If you cannot obtain some sort of post secondary education, you will most likely not have a good career with a corresponding wage and will need to work extra hours to compensate. The decreased time available with the child will reflect in the quality of their upbringing.

I can almost guarantee that you will eventually be a single parent. When the father faces the difficulties raising a child so young presents, being human, no matter how committed he may currently seem currently, he'll not be in the picture. If that happens, it will not only be to your detriment, but the childs. Remember, your well being is in a permanently a second now. Not only will you not have the financial, emotional and time support, but the child would not have a father.

I won't state what in my opinion is by far the best option, given it's sensitive nature. I will however, mention that as I type this my good friend, who was adopted by her infertile parents as a baby, sits next to me. She has great parents, a great upbringing and has had quite a successful life. I also have a good friend who at 15 had a child, she adopted her out, we're both in our mid twenties. We've spoken about it a handful of times over the years, she still hurts deep down, but the resounding feeling of happiness that she has wonderful parents that could offer her a better life makes the decision worthwhile.

Best of luck, you face an unbelievably difficult decision.
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Last edited by mind; 04-30-2012 at 08:10 AM.
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