help with a suffering family member
 
 

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help with a suffering family member

This is a discussion on help with a suffering family member within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category
  • How does family benefit from suffering family membet
  • Words to a suffering family member

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  • 1 Post By Saddlebag
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    02-12-2013, 07:34 PM
  #1
Weanling
help with a suffering family member

Hi guys, if this is too "dark" or something, feel free to move/delete it. But after dealing with this situation for months now (and with issues extending from and also leading up to the situation my whole life) I need advice in a pretty bad way.
Background:
I've always been the "healthy" one in the family, no major illnesses, injuries etc. A lot of times from my family I get the "you're so lucky, all of us are suffering and you're totally fine!" And in LARGE part, by suffering I mean with mental illness. I do not want to go into detail (only have told at most TWO people in my life the story and only one person the full "nitty gritty" grimy details of everything that's transpired.) but the reason I write this thread is because the mental disease a majority of my family is stricken with has come to a head with my sister. She's always suffered from depression, and when I was a few years younger began cutting herself stemming from, as best as I can ascertain, rejection at school. The rejection has long since passed, she has friends etc and for awhile the cutting stopped. At least that time, there was a sort of a "reason" why she was hurting herself.
Now though, its begun again, worse, and I can't find the reason. At first, (a few weeks ago) I thought it was just a couple cuts on her arms (bad but not really mutilation yet) well I see a lot of her "tools" in the bathroom and they all have blood on them plus the other day I saw her legs and they are ravaged. It's so much worse than I thought, which is what prompted this thread. I'm going to tell my dad about this but I feel like I'm betraying her, even though she doesn't know I know, and I'm scared the family finding out will drive her to even more/worse self harm?
I told my boyfriend about it because I needed someone to talk to (he's my best friend, known my family for years and close to my sister as well) and I also just feel sick I'm burdening him with all the "gory" details.
In extent, I'm mad. I know it's awful because self harm is a disease like anything else and God, after all this I respect its power to ravage someone. But it's so hard to deal with this on my own and know that if something happened to her, it would be my fault since i'm the only "healthy" one that knows. Ugh.
Any advice? Will telling someone hurt her more? Has anyone else expierenced this?
     
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    02-12-2013, 09:10 PM
  #2
Banned
Telling someone outside the family will certainly be better. It sounds as though the other 'non-healthy' family members are being persecutors, you are being a rescuer and all of you are being victims, a viscous triangle for sure, it sounds harsh, but it is what I am just perceiving from your post.

I strongly suggest getting some outside advice and some counseling for yourself. You cannot help when you are in need of help yourself, strategies to deal with their illness and how it affects you and skills to remove yourself from it and look objectively at their mental illness and not be burdened by feeling as though you need to rescue them.
     
    02-12-2013, 09:18 PM
  #3
Weanling
Well my dads a therapist, so he deals with this for a living and is very calm and rational about it and has a great plan now that I spoke with him about it. I was just wondering if anyone would do things differently/had gone through this. I definitely agree about outside help, a hospital would be great for my sister, and a psychologist would benefit too.
It wasn't harsh, I agree. We sort of all are in a circle of trying to fix each other, and in the other member's cases, fix themselves at the same time. I trust my dad though since he is VERY experienced with troubled teens.
     
    02-12-2013, 10:36 PM
  #4
Started
It sounds scary, and it sounds like 'betrayal' but if it is as bad as you describe would your family consider having her committed to a Psychiatric hospital?
     
    02-13-2013, 09:26 AM
  #5
Showing
Why do family members get the idea they have to fix the others? They don't have the expertise to do so. The best you can do is listen if someone opts to talk and don't say a word unless it is specifically asked for. If your sister needs professional help it is likely best if it comes from outside the family. She may not open up as she should with your father. My father was a great guy and a ready listener but there were somethings I just didn't want to share with him.
boots likes this.
     
    02-13-2013, 01:27 PM
  #6
Showing
OP, first of all it's not YOUR fault something would of happen to her "because you are healthy". Second, your sister may need to see the psychiatrist.
boots likes this.
     
    02-14-2013, 12:57 AM
  #7
Banned
Your Dad is a therapist and he is not recognizing the signs. I think maybe you should leave some of her tools in his presence for him to see.

She needs help, and from someone other than her Dad.
boots likes this.
     
    02-14-2013, 09:44 AM
  #8
Green Broke
It's not your job to find out the "reason" why she's cutting. Some things just don't make sense, regardless of what's said on talk shows and magazines.

Honestly, the best thing you can do for your sister is to choose a good path for yourself. It will not benefit her to have you down (mood-wise, lifestyle-wise) with her.

It sure is heart-breaking, I agree, and you and your sister are in my prayers.
     
    02-17-2013, 01:15 PM
  #9
Green Broke
I was in her position once. Since I don't know the full story I don't know the true full extent, but I would definitely reccomend a visit to a clinic. If you want, you can PM me for more details, since I don't want to clog up your thread, but I know how your sisteris feeling, so if you ever want to talk, I'm here :)
     

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