help with a suffering family member - The Horse Forum
  • 1 Post By Saddlebag
  • 1 Post By kitten_Val
  • 1 Post By AlexS
LinkBack Thread Tools
post #1 of 9 Old 02-12-2013, 06:34 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 674
• Horses: 0
help with a suffering family member

Hi guys, if this is too "dark" or something, feel free to move/delete it. But after dealing with this situation for months now (and with issues extending from and also leading up to the situation my whole life) I need advice in a pretty bad way.
I've always been the "healthy" one in the family, no major illnesses, injuries etc. A lot of times from my family I get the "you're so lucky, all of us are suffering and you're totally fine!" And in LARGE part, by suffering I mean with mental illness. I do not want to go into detail (only have told at most TWO people in my life the story and only one person the full "nitty gritty" grimy details of everything that's transpired.) but the reason I write this thread is because the mental disease a majority of my family is stricken with has come to a head with my sister. Shes always suffered from depression, and when I was a few years younger began cutting herself stemming from, as best as I can ascertain, rejection at school. The rejection has long since passed, she has friends etc and for awhile the cutting stopped. At least that time, there was a sort of a "reason" why she was hurting herself.
Now though, its begun again, worse, and I can't find the reason. At first, (a few weeks ago) I thought it was just a couple cuts on her arms (bad but not really mutilation yet) well I see a lot of her "tools" in the bathroom and they all have blood on them plus the other day I saw her legs and they are ravaged. It's so much worse than I thought, which is what prompted this thread. I'm going to tell my dad about this but I feel like I'm betraying her, even though she doesn't know I know, and I'm scared the family finding out will drive her to even more/worse self harm?
I told my boyfriend about it because I needed someone to talk to (he's my best friend, known my family for years and close to my sister as well) and I also just feel sick I'm burdening him with all the "gory" details.
In extent, I'm mad. I know it's awful because self harm is a disease like anything else and God, after all this I respect its power to ravage someone. But it's so hard to deal with this on my own and know that if something happened to her, it would be my fault since i'm the only "healthy" one that knows. Ugh.
Any advice? Will telling someone hurt her more? Has anyone else expierenced this?
paintsrule is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 9 Old 02-12-2013, 08:10 PM
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,712
• Horses: 0
Telling someone outside the family will certainly be better. It sounds as though the other 'non-healthy' family members are being persecutors, you are being a rescuer and all of you are being victims, a viscous triangle for sure, it sounds harsh, but it is what I am just perceiving from your post.

I strongly suggest getting some outside advice and some counseling for yourself. You cannot help when you are in need of help yourself, strategies to deal with their illness and how it affects you and skills to remove yourself from it and look objectively at their mental illness and not be burdened by feeling as though you need to rescue them.
Muppetgirl is offline  
post #3 of 9 Old 02-12-2013, 08:18 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 674
• Horses: 0
Well my dads a therapist, so he deals with this for a living and is very calm and rational about it and has a great plan now that I spoke with him about it. I was just wondering if anyone would do things differently/had gone through this. I definitely agree about outside help, a hospital would be great for my sister, and a psychologist would benefit too.
It wasn't harsh, I agree. We sort of all are in a circle of trying to fix each other, and in the other member's cases, fix themselves at the same time. I trust my dad though since he is VERY experienced with troubled teens.
paintsrule is offline  
post #4 of 9 Old 02-12-2013, 09:36 PM
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 2,431
• Horses: 1
It sounds scary, and it sounds like 'betrayal' but if it is as bad as you describe would your family consider having her committed to a Psychiatric hospital?
alexischristina is offline  
post #5 of 9 Old 02-13-2013, 08:26 AM
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ontario
Posts: 17,193
• Horses: 0
Why do family members get the idea they have to fix the others? They don't have the expertise to do so. The best you can do is listen if someone opts to talk and don't say a word unless it is specifically asked for. If your sister needs professional help it is likely best if it comes from outside the family. She may not open up as she should with your father. My father was a great guy and a ready listener but there were somethings I just didn't want to share with him.
boots likes this.
Saddlebag is offline  
post #6 of 9 Old 02-13-2013, 12:27 PM
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: MD
Posts: 23,907
• Horses: 2
OP, first of all it's not YOUR fault something would of happen to her "because you are healthy". Second, your sister may need to see the psychiatrist.
boots likes this.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass: it's about learning to dance in the rain..."

"When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves."

"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours."
kitten_Val is offline  
post #7 of 9 Old 02-13-2013, 11:57 PM
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Southeastern PA
Posts: 9,420
• Horses: 1
Your Dad is a therapist and he is not recognizing the signs. I think maybe you should leave some of her tools in his presence for him to see.

She needs help, and from someone other than her Dad.
boots likes this.
AlexS is offline  
post #8 of 9 Old 02-14-2013, 08:44 AM
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: A good place
Posts: 5,959
• Horses: 0
It's not your job to find out the "reason" why she's cutting. Some things just don't make sense, regardless of what's said on talk shows and magazines.

Honestly, the best thing you can do for your sister is to choose a good path for yourself. It will not benefit her to have you down (mood-wise, lifestyle-wise) with her.

It sure is heart-breaking, I agree, and you and your sister are in my prayers.
boots is offline  
post #9 of 9 Old 02-17-2013, 12:15 PM
Green Broke
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Witbank, South Africa
Posts: 2,681
• Horses: 2
I was in her position once. Since I don't know the full story I don't know the true full extent, but I would definitely reccomend a visit to a clinic. If you want, you can PM me for more details, since I don't want to clog up your thread, but I know how your sisteris feeling, so if you ever want to talk, I'm here :)

Every girl wants their own LOVE STORY, I found mine... :)
LoveStory10 is offline  

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the The Horse Forum forums, you must first register.

Already have a Horse Forum account?
Members are allowed only one account per person at the Horse Forum, so if you've made an account here in the past you'll need to continue using that account. Please do not create a new account or you may lose access to the Horse Forum. If you need help recovering your existing account, please Contact Us. We'll be glad to help!

New to the Horse Forum?
Please choose a username you will be satisfied with using for the duration of your membership at the Horse Forum. We do not change members' usernames upon request because that would make it difficult for everyone to keep track of who is who on the forum. For that reason, please do not incorporate your horse's name into your username so that you are not stuck with a username related to a horse you may no longer have some day, or use any other username you may no longer identify with or care for in the future.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

Old Thread Warning
This thread is more than 90 days old. When a thread is this old, it is often better to start a new thread rather than post to it. However, If you feel you have something of value to add to this particular thread, you can do so by checking the box below before submitting your post.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
New member of the Family! : ) Backinhorses Horse Pictures 6 12-06-2013 10:46 PM
My newest equine family member sitbacnroc Horse Pictures 17 01-28-2013 06:56 AM
Getting a new 4 legged family member! MHFoundation Quarters Horse Talk 50 06-24-2012 12:50 PM
We have a new family member! Britt General Off Topic Discussion 2 05-02-2011 05:05 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome