How do you deal with your non-horsey boyfriend??? - Page 3
 
 

       The Horse Forum > Life Beyond Horses > General Off Topic Discussion

How do you deal with your non-horsey boyfriend???

This is a discussion on How do you deal with your non-horsey boyfriend??? within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

     
    LinkBack Thread Tools
        12-15-2010, 12:00 PM
      #21
    Foal
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Speed Racer    
    I never assumed he was an angel. After all, he's just a man. Like women, they have their irritations and unreasonable demands.

    Sorry dear, but you're the one who rolled over and pretended to be a doormat, so why are you so surprised now that he expects you to continue to do so?

    As I said, you can stay home with him on the weekends he's there, and do as you darn well please the other 3.

    If you feel trapped, miserable, want to do what you want to do, and he's making you crazy, why the heck are you still in the relationship? It sounds toxic.

    Houses can be sold, and dogs can be given away or surrendered to the pound. If you want out badly enough, you can always find a way. If he's a controlling jerk nothing would convince me to stay, including money, material positions, or a cushy lifestyle.
    I agree with this.
    You said in an earlier post that you wish it was as easy as kicking him to the curb; if you are truly unhappy and don't see it possible to work out your differences, it IS possible to leave.
    Easy? Absolutely not. Possible? Absolutely

    However, I think you need to think of things his way first.
    Work is more difficult to work around. If you worked out of town three weekends a month and didn't get to see him and the one weekend you DID get to see him he was just like "Sorry, busy" you would be quite upset as well.

    I don't agree with him completely. You shouldn't be told what you can and cannot do. However, like others said, if he is only home one weekend a month .. I think it is reasonable for you to work it out so you can spend time with him then.

    But he also can't be telling you what you are allowed to do when is not there. If you want to own a horse and spend time with your horse when he is not there, I think that should be ok. It's not hurting him.
         
    Sponsored Links
    Advertisement
     
        12-15-2010, 12:18 PM
      #22
    Yearling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Speed Racer    
    I never assumed he was an angel. After all, he's just a man. Like women, they have their irritations and unreasonable demands.

    Sorry dear, but you're the one who rolled over and pretended to be a doormat, so why are you so surprised now that he expects you to continue to do so?

    As I said, you can stay home with him on the weekends he's there, and do as you darn well please the other 3.

    If you feel trapped, miserable, want to do what you want to do, and he's making you crazy, why the heck are you still in the relationship? It sounds toxic.

    Houses can be sold, and dogs can be given away or surrendered to the pound. If you want out badly enough, you can always find a way. If he's a controlling jerk nothing would convince me to stay, including money, material possessions, or a cushy lifestyle.

    It is toxic.

    I didnt make this thread to tell you guys about what I've got going on right now. I wanted to know about other situations and see if I can learn from them and move forward.

    Im at the point where the only reason why I am still there is because I havnt figured out where im going. Ill either be packing my stuff and moving back to BC or staying in AB. No matter what happens, we gotta sell the house and that takes time.

    Thank you guys for your comments, most of them are right. I know I havnt been fair in this situation to him but its a two way street. I know that. But im sick of being fair. If that means im a super bitch then so be it. Ill do whatever at this point to be happy.

    P.S. Please don't call me a doormat...
         
        12-15-2010, 12:58 PM
      #23
    Foal
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by NicoleS11    
    It is toxic.

    I didnt make this thread to tell you guys about what I've got going on right now. I wanted to know about other situations and see if I can learn from them and move forward.

    Im at the point where the only reason why I am still there is because I havnt figured out where im going. Ill either be packing my stuff and moving back to BC or staying in AB. No matter what happens, we gotta sell the house and that takes time.

    Thank you guys for your comments, most of them are right. I know I havnt been fair in this situation to him but its a two way street. I know that. But im sick of being fair. If that means im a super bitch then so be it. Ill do whatever at this point to be happy.

    P.S. Please don't call me a doormat...
    I don't think it's fair for anyone to make the assumption you are just a doormat, considering they don't know the whole relationship. However, it's understandable how people would get that impression of you since you say you have just been doing what he tells you for the past couple months.

    I understand where your emotions are coming from of not wanting to be fair anymore. However, you kinda set yourself up for this. So I don't think it's fair that you don't want to be fair anymore. Haha.

    You didn't stand up for yourself when this all started, so now you probably feel some anger toward him for walking all over you. HOWEVER, you haven't done/said anything to stop it, so why would he? You have to bring it to his attention when it starts, otherwise you can't expect any different behavior from him. [Same thing with a horse. Haha. If you don't punish the bad behavior when it starts and let the horse continue the bad behavior for months, how do you expect them to know any better? Doesn't mean they have bad intentions.]

    Your happiness is important, but try not to put ALL the blame on him. Communicate with him. Explain what you need and how you are feeling and try to compromise. For all you know, when everything is laid out in front of him, he may be reasonable and you might be able to find that happiness with him.
         
        12-15-2010, 01:12 PM
      #24
    Banned
    Good post X3emily!
         
        12-15-2010, 01:20 PM
      #25
    Showing
    Nicole, I can understand where you're coming from, but it's up to you to find a way to deal with all of it.

    If you want to stay with him, you're going to have to give in and stay home the weekends he's there. That really is fair.

    Yes, you're tired of being so compliant with his wishes, and I applaud your desire to finally stand up for yourself. I'm all about women taking control of their lives and caring for themselves. However, from his point of view this is all of a sudden, and coming out of nowhere.

    I don't 'do' controlling men. I've walked away more than once when some jerk off thought he owned me and could tell me what I could or couldn't do.

    I just think if you want to make things work, you and he need to sit down and figure out on what you can and can't compromise. If you find out that his expectations of you are intolerable, then maybe it's time to deep six the relationship.

    This goes far deeper than just him acting pissy about the horses and your spending time with them.
         
        12-15-2010, 02:17 PM
      #26
    Yearling
    Ok soo firstly im hard poushed to get my family to sit rounjd and watch me compete in winter so wouldnt even suggest it to my boy.

    Also people leave alot more then a house and two dogs on a daily basis however I think walking away over horses is a stupid thing to do to an otherwise functioning relationship

    You need to sit your boy down this weekend and explain o him when he si not here you need your horse to get you outta the house and have stuff to do you understand he wants you home but when he is not there you will be doing x y z with your horse. However on the weekends he comes home its only fair you are there and do couples activives these shouldnt be decided by him however you should do stuff you both enjoy, You just need to remember why you got together in the first place and it takes effort on both of your sides.

    Also explain to your trainer you will not be around every third weekend and to make arrabgements for your horse. Honestly one weeknd outta three is not much id demand my boyf soent it all with me not wanting to spend it with my horse
         

    Thread Tools

    Similar Threads
    Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
    My boyfriend said these were little Whipple Jumping 27 06-18-2009 12:46 AM
    Me and my boyfriend (I seriously love this boy) Supermane Horse Pictures 6 08-28-2008 11:39 AM
    My new boyfriend... melinda27858 Horse Pictures 11 03-18-2008 12:21 AM



    All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:36 PM.


    Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
    Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
    Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0