How much and when do I tell??? - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 12 Old 02-27-2013, 02:47 AM Thread Starter
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How much and when do I tell???

So it's been several months since my ex and I broke up. Now since I didn't have a ball and chain holding me back anymore, I've been going out with my girlfriends more often. Well, I have met a guy and he's a cop and after seeing him around several times I finally got a date. I'm over the moon because I really am attracted to him, but I have quite an unpleasant dating history.

Most of exs have been involved with....less then legal ways of making money. I never had anything to with it-I never wanted too. Now since my ex and I ended things I've pretty much washed my hands of that lifestyle, but I still know many people in it.

This is my problem.. do I tell him? Pot is "legal" here and I've never smoked, trimmed, sold, or had anything to do with it. But I do know plenty of people that do and feel a little awkward about it. So I guess my question is when/how should I tell him about my dating history? I'd rather he'd hear it from me then someone else.

I did talk to a friend who is still in the lifestyle and he said that maybe by being attracted to a cop is a sign that I'm ready for a more "adult" relationship and I'm moving on from dating boys with no life plan and he said don't hold back and my past won't matter if it's really right.
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post #2 of 12 Old 02-27-2013, 02:56 AM
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Your past is just that, in the past. If this guy is interested in you, he won't care if you had b/fs who were involved with herbs. But don't go telling him all this until you have dated awhile, give it a chance!
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post #3 of 12 Old 02-27-2013, 03:13 AM Thread Starter
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Oh no it definitely isn't first date talking material! It would definitely be down the road a ways, but it is something I worry about now. I really like this guy and I'm concerned on how a cop would feel about dating a girl who knows the ins and out of growing. Just because i had nothing to do with it doesn't mean I didnt learn thing or two :(
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post #4 of 12 Old 02-27-2013, 03:27 AM
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I don't think it matters at all, you don't have a criminal record and you no longer associate with those that do.
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post #5 of 12 Old 02-27-2013, 09:42 AM
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The cop you mentioned in one of my threads? Jinx, that's so exciting!!! Please do share how the first date went! :)

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post #6 of 12 Old 02-27-2013, 11:20 AM
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Growing up with a cop as a father, I could tell you they are not that overly concerned with someone who does very minor stuff. Is he going to freak out if you go over the speed limit probably not. Is he going to freak out that you have people in your life or that in your past you dealt with pot...probably not. If you're going 20 miles per hour over the limit, yeah he will might care, if pull out a joint and smoke it right there, yeah he might care.

A lot of people tend to freak out about stuff that they really could care less about. From what I knew about my father and other cops I wouldn't be surprised if they all had smoked in their younger days before joining the force. (My father hates me hearing about that but it slips up in conversation ;) )

Everyone is different in what they are offended by, and where their moral stands. Cops are just people too. They all of a sudden don't get a moral compass that only point towards goodness and shun all that don't follow it. I would forget the cop part for the most part and treat it like you would anyone else. Pot may make some none-cops run for the hills, some don't care. Don't get too hung up on that part of being with a cop.

When they're off duty they like to stay off duty. My friends have bongs, and a few plants that they are growing in their backyard. A girl moved in that had a cop for a father as well and while he was helping them move in he found the plants. Everyone freaked out and were surprised when he jokingly asked if he could take one of the plants home for himself. And thats while its still illegal in California. He didn't report anyone or even lecture them.

Rookies can have a harder time from differentiating off time and on the clock time, but then again it depends on the person themselves.

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Last edited by Horsesdontlie; 02-27-2013 at 11:25 AM.
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post #7 of 12 Old 02-27-2013, 11:38 AM
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My aunt dated a cop for a while. On the weekends a group of off duty cops (including her and her boyfriend cop) liked to get together, watch a game, get stoned and drink booze. IE, they are people too.
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post #8 of 12 Old 02-27-2013, 01:02 PM
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You control what you say. If he does ask you about your previous relationship (which I doubt. men really dont care about that) Keep it simple. It's just a first date. You dont need nor you shouldn't go into every detail about every relationship. Remember he wants to get to know YOU, not the people you've dated.

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post #9 of 12 Old 02-27-2013, 01:26 PM Thread Starter
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Ok I feel so much better about it :) It did have me concerned, so hearing it shouldn't be a problem from so many people makes me feel better :). We are a small community, so I know the cops would remember me from the home searches while I was living with my ex and he was on probation. That's just why I would rather he found out from me then his cop friends! But I won't worry about it for a while yet :)
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post #10 of 12 Old 02-27-2013, 01:37 PM
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My dad was a cop and growing up I never got away with anything lol he knew every time I lied etc. etc. but in my experiences cops really could care less about marijuana it's something so minor and bothersome to them these days.
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