How to say 'no' when they ask to use my car? - The Horse Forum

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post #1 of 41 Old 09-13-2012, 11:03 AM Thread Starter
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How to say 'no' when they ask to use my car?

I have a bit of a dilemma.

My mom is the one making the payments and paying off the insurance on my car (a 2002 Hyundai Santa Fe). She asks to drive it every now and then, which is fine, I don't mind if my mom drives it, or my aunt, or my uncle... however, I do not want my stepfather driving my car.

There is a reason for this: when we bought the car, it was used, so it wasn't brand new, but it is a very nice vehicle. Nothing broken or messed up on it. I added my own personal touch with the shoulder-guards for the seat-belts (the seat belts irritate me so I have to use the guard things). I'll admit, I do tend to use the floorboard as a junk room, and often have empty drink bottles and bits of paper tossed in the floorboards, but I don't let it get crazy or anything.

However, whenever my stepfather drives my car, he does things that he knows I don't want him doing in it and he has no respect for me asking him to refrain from doing things. I hate anyone smoking in my car, as I hate the smell of cigarette smoke, it bothers my breathing. I ask my stepfathre to not smoke in my car, but he does it anyway, cigarettes and 'legal marijuana'. He also never puts gas in my car and most times when I get it back, the gas-light is on. All I ask is that he put as much gas back in it that was in it when he borrowed the car. I also keep several dollars in change in my car for emergencies, and he spends it all of him whenever he drives it, even though I've asked him not to. He buys cigarettes or washes the money at a car wash. Also, and this is what gets me, he has no respect for MY car. He breaks things in my car whenever he drives it, like the air vents on the dash (and there's no reason to even touch them!), and then he doesn't even tell me and let's me find out when he brings my car back and is gone.

I don't know how to tell my mom, who is making all the payments on the car, that I don't mind her driving the car, but I don't want my stepfather to drive it because he doesn't respect me enough to take care of my car. Whenever I have had to borrow and drive their cars in the past, I've kept their car in the exact shape they were in when I got it, took it back with the exact same amount of gas in the it as it was when I borrowed the car, and never touch any money they had stashed in their car and I definitely have never broken anything in their car!


Edited to add:

My stepfather does the same thing to my aunt and uncle's car (my aunt and uncle are living with my mom and stepfather until they get a place of their own). He'll take their car out, and bring it back beat to hell and back. They only bought the car a few months ago, and already it is dented, banged up, scratched, things broken inside it, etc... My aunt and uncle, though, have to put up with it because they are living there until they can find a place of their own.

Horseshoe Loop Farm: Home of Gypsie (1994 TWH mare), Dakota (2006 TWH gelding), Jo (2012 TWH filly) & Minnie (1992 Paint mare)

Last edited by Britt; 09-13-2012 at 11:05 AM.
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post #2 of 41 Old 09-13-2012, 11:08 AM
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Can you use your insurance as an excuse? Whenever you loan your car out, you loan the insurance out too. Is he on the policy? If not and he drives it on even a semi regular basis, your insurance company can refuse to pay if he gets in an accident. Call your insurance company or an anonymous hotline right now and find out.
It will cost more money to add people to your insurance. Is your mom on it too?

*note: these insurance references are as it is in Canada.
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post #3 of 41 Old 09-13-2012, 11:11 AM
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"No"

If he doesn't contribute toward the payments or insurance, then he has no claim in the car.

If he wants to be a butt, make him sign something saying that it has to returnes in the same condition as he left with it. That sounds overly controlling, but if he uses your gas, breaks the vehicle, and steals money out of it, what else is there to do? I wouldn't let him drive it AT ALL if I were you. Destruction of your personal property is not something he should be allowed to get away with.

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post #4 of 41 Old 09-13-2012, 11:16 AM
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Why doesn't he have his own car? Legitimate question. A grown-ass man shouldn't be 'borrowing' everyone else's car to drive around.
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post #5 of 41 Old 09-13-2012, 11:19 AM
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Well, it really isn't your car. It's your moms car - she's paying for it.

It is on your mother to intervene and make him stop driving the car. Stop leaving money in the car and put in only as much gas as you're using. As for your aunt and uncle, they need to do a better job of hiding their keys and if he's made a copy, take it back.

Your stepfather sounds like a bad thing waiting to happen. He's technically stealing the cars and your mom is ok with it.
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post #6 of 41 Old 09-13-2012, 11:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BarrelWannabe View Post
"No"

If he doesn't contribute toward the payments or insurance, then he has no claim in the car.
Well, from this line of reasoning, Britt doesn't have any claim to the car either.
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post #7 of 41 Old 09-13-2012, 11:33 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustDressageIt View Post
Can you use your insurance as an excuse? Whenever you loan your car out, you loan the insurance out too. Is he on the policy? If not and he drives it on even a semi regular basis, your insurance company can refuse to pay if he gets in an accident. Call your insurance company or an anonymous hotline right now and find out.
It will cost more money to add people to your insurance. Is your mom on it too?

*note: these insurance references are as it is in Canada.
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I'm not sure if he's on the policy or not. I know my mom is, though. All we have on my car is basic insurance for wrecks and stuff... I think. My mom's told me before, but didn't really explain it very well... I don't know much about our insurance...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Speed Racer View Post
Why doesn't he have his own car? Legitimate question. A grown-ass man shouldn't be 'borrowing' everyone else's car to drive around.
It's a long story... but basically, they do have their own car, but my stepfather put the wrong key in the switch and the car locked up on them. It won't let them crank it right now and the alarm goes off whenever they even open the door. This happened last week, and he was supposed to take the car to the dealership to get everything reset on it, but hasn't done it yet because he thinks he can just borrow everyone's vehicles and everything will be ok. He only thinks about himself. My mom is probably going to have to take the car to the dealership herself because he won't get around to doing it until he absolutely has to.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DancingArabian View Post
Well, it really isn't your car. It's your moms car - she's paying for it.

It is on your mother to intervene and make him stop driving the car. Stop leaving money in the car and put in only as much gas as you're using. As for your aunt and uncle, they need to do a better job of hiding their keys and if he's made a copy, take it back.

Your stepfather sounds like a bad thing waiting to happen. He's technically stealing the cars and your mom is ok with it.
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Exactly, the car isn't technically mine, it's my mothers, since she is paying everything on it. My mom probably won't intervene, though... I am going to stop leaving money in the car, and I do only put in as much gas as I need to get to and from college and to and from work.

Horseshoe Loop Farm: Home of Gypsie (1994 TWH mare), Dakota (2006 TWH gelding), Jo (2012 TWH filly) & Minnie (1992 Paint mare)
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post #8 of 41 Old 09-13-2012, 11:37 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Sahara View Post
Well, from this line of reasoning, Britt doesn't have any claim to the car either.
Not yet, at least. My stepfather totalled the car I was supposed to get when I turned 16, and because he did that, he bought me my first car instead of my mom, but then he turned around and sold that car right out from under me a few months later and I was car-less for about a year (borrowing my mom's extra car at the time). She bought the Hyundai for me, since I needed a way to and from college, but took over the payments and insurance.

Once it's completely paid off, it will be put in my name as long as we haven't decided to trade it in or anything.

So basically, it's in her name, but it's my car.

Horseshoe Loop Farm: Home of Gypsie (1994 TWH mare), Dakota (2006 TWH gelding), Jo (2012 TWH filly) & Minnie (1992 Paint mare)
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post #9 of 41 Old 09-13-2012, 11:45 AM
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What a frustrating situation.....
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post #10 of 41 Old 09-13-2012, 11:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Britt View Post
I'm not sure if he's on the policy or not. I know my mom is, though. All we have on my car is basic insurance for wrecks and stuff... I think. My mom's told me before, but didn't really explain it very well... I don't know much about our insurance...
You really need to look at the policy and figure out what type of insurance you have. You/your mother could be totally screwed six ways from Sunday if your stepfather causes an accident and bodily harm to another person(s).

If your mother only has the very basics of insurance on the vehicle it may be all that's necessary for the state but you'll be up a creek without a paddle if something catastrophic happens, and if your stepfather drives as badly as you say, it's not IF something happens but WHEN.

I carry an enormous policy on my truck, but it stood me in good stead when I totaled my vehicle back in February. The accident was my fault, and my insurance covered not only my vehicle, but the hospitalization of the other driver, gave her book value on her vehicle, paid for towing on both vehicles, as well as rental vehicles for both of us until we found other ones to purchase.

Had I not had all of that on my policy, the other driver could (and probably should) have sued me for damages.

Sure, I went over 38 years without having an accident that was my fault, but I'd rather pay for a major insurance policy and have the coverage should I need it, than HOPE nothing bad ever happens.
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