How to say 'no' when they ask to use my car? - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 41 Old 09-13-2012, 11:47 AM
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Is there anyplace safe but hidden where you could safely store a container of gas or two? Fill a container instead of the car and hide the rest.

He sounds like a real winner.
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post #12 of 41 Old 09-13-2012, 11:47 AM
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Have you politely sat down with your mother and shared your concerns? Moms can be tricky. You SHOULD be able to go up and tell your mom anything. She SHOULD be willing to help her child. But she is a woman, still and might deny fervently that there is no fault at all with her man and might get defensive. My mom is type A so I don't know how to deal with type B, but I would still try. "hey mom, could I talk to you about a few things that are bothering me?"
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post #13 of 41 Old 09-13-2012, 11:52 AM
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As a couple he and your Mom may view their property as joint and therefore he is also paying for said vehicle.

My hubby and I have 3 vehicles and none are "his", "hers" or whatever except the truck which as a joke is referred to as mine. Even when I was a stay-home mom and unemployed, the $$ wasn't "his", it was "ours" and if you were to drive up and ask about *my* horse, he'd refer to him as "ours" even though he doesn't even like horses really.
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post #14 of 41 Old 09-13-2012, 12:09 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by themacpack View Post
What a frustrating situation.....
Yes, it really is...

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Originally Posted by Speed Racer View Post
You really need to look at the policy and figure out what type of insurance you have. You/your mother could be totally screwed six ways from Sunday if your stepfather causes an accident and bodily harm to another person(s).

If your mother only has the very basics of insurance on the vehicle it may be all that's necessary for the state but you'll be up a creek without a paddle if something catastrophic happens, and if your stepfather drives as badly as you say, it's not IF something happens but WHEN.

I carry an enormous policy on my truck, but it stood me in good stead when I totaled my vehicle back in February. The accident was my fault, and my insurance covered not only my vehicle, but the hospitalization of the other driver, gave her book value on her vehicle, paid for towing on both vehicles, as well as rental vehicles for both of us until we found other ones to purchase.

Had I not had all of that on my policy, the other driver could (and probably should) have sued me for damages.

Sure, I went over 38 years without having an accident that was my fault, but I'd rather pay for a major insurance policy and have the coverage should I need it, than HOPE nothing bad ever happens.
Yes, I know I need to. I have the insurance cards... would I be able to just call them, explain that my mom owns the car, but I drive it, and would they give me the insurance information as far as what is covered and all? Or would I need my mom's permission since the insurance is in her name?

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Is there anyplace safe but hidden where you could safely store a container of gas or two? Fill a container instead of the car and hide the rest.

He sounds like a real winner.
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Yeah, I used to really like him, but over the past few years, I've gotten to where I really don't want to even be around him...

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Originally Posted by LadyDreamer View Post
Have you politely sat down with your mother and shared your concerns? Moms can be tricky. You SHOULD be able to go up and tell your mom anything. She SHOULD be willing to help her child. But she is a woman, still and might deny fervently that there is no fault at all with her man and might get defensive. My mom is type A so I don't know how to deal with type B, but I would still try. "hey mom, could I talk to you about a few things that are bothering me?"
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No, I haven't, because my mother and I con't really talk that much. We're more like sisters, not mother and daughter, and she gets annoyed really easily, and when she gets annoyed, there's no talking to her. The last time I tried to talk to her about something serious, she got all defensive and mad and ended up screaming at me about how it wasn't her problem and all. That was back when I was still in middle school. I haven't approached her about anything serious since...

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Originally Posted by Delfina View Post
As a couple he and your Mom may view their property as joint and therefore he is also paying for said vehicle.

My hubby and I have 3 vehicles and none are "his", "hers" or whatever except the truck which as a joke is referred to as mine. Even when I was a stay-home mom and unemployed, the $$ wasn't "his", it was "ours" and if you were to drive up and ask about *my* horse, he'd refer to him as "ours" even though he doesn't even like horses really.
I know they don't view their property as joint. He's put my mom through too much bull for that, and just a few weeks ago, she was talking about filing for divorce, but decided against it. Their car is in her name, not his. The house is hers, in her name, not his. My stepfather has nothing in his name at all, except for his fishing poles and lures. He isn't working right now and doesn't pay anything on the house payments or any car payments, bills, etc...

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post #15 of 41 Old 09-13-2012, 12:09 PM
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This is a tough situation, for sure.

Try talking to your mom, without a tone of blaming him. Keep it logical and calm. Lay out the things that are bothering you.

The gas issue is one of my biggeat pet peeves. My sister did that, until she came to get the truck one day and there was no fuel in it. She called me every name in the book, until I said, "Welcome to my world." Since then, she doesn't bring it back empty. When I borroe a vehicle, I always fill it up before I take ot back, because I appreciate that the person allowed me to use it.

Also, keeping gas in your car is a safety issue, especially in the winter. When it gets cold, my tank is never below half.

And speaking as a smoker, it is NEVER okay to smoke in someone else's car unless directly invited to do so. I won't smoke in a smoker's car unless they have said it was okay.

Delfina has a good point. Your mom is married to this man, which is why I suggested trying to keep any bad feelings out of the conversation. A marriage is important. Realtionships take a lot of work and understanding, and if you come off as attacking her husband, things might go badly.

Good luck.
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post #16 of 41 Old 09-13-2012, 12:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Britt View Post
Yes, I know I need to. I have the insurance cards... would I be able to just call them, explain that my mom owns the car, but I drive it, and would they give me the insurance information as far as what is covered and all? Or would I need my mom's permission since the insurance is in her name?
Since you're on the policy as a driver, I would think you'd have the ability to call them and find out what type of coverage you have.

Honestly, it's not something I've ever had to deal with, since I've had my own insurance since I was 18 y/o when I got my first car. My 'rents said if I could afford a car, I could afford insurance.
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post #17 of 41 Old 09-13-2012, 12:21 PM
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I, too, have full up insurance. I love the peace of mind knowing I'm covered for **** near everything and that I wouldn't lose everything I own and hold dear should an accident occur. I pay a premium to be covered by a well known, highly regarded company and be insured to the hilt.
It's worth it.
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post #18 of 41 Old 09-13-2012, 12:24 PM
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You know you are in a tough spot, seeing that the car is in your mother's name and not yours. I would do what the other people said only enough gas to get you where you are going. Nothing in it at all. I would sit down with your mother and at least talk about it. If this is going to be your car when it's paid off you should have a little say so in it now. It couldn't hurt.
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post #19 of 41 Old 09-13-2012, 12:24 PM
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The way most insurance works is:

Any listed drivers on the policy are covered.

If you lend your car to someone, they are most likely going to be covered.

If the insurance company does some investigation and discovers that the person you loaned the car to is someone who drives the car on a very regular basis, they could possibly decline coverage.

It sounds like you have "liability coverage" which means that if you (or the person driving the car) is responsible for an accident, your insurance pays for THEIR car. It doesn't pay anything at all for your car. Basically, that means that if your stepfather causes an accident with your car, the insurance company won't give you a dime to repair/replace it.

If someone else causes the accident and doesn't have insurance, you are still out of luck with repair/replacement costs, since you only have liability coverage.

Hope this helps. It does sound like a really bad situation to be in. Is there any way you would be able to get a job and afford to pay the insurance/car payments on your own? That way you would have complete say over who drives the car.
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post #20 of 41 Old 09-13-2012, 12:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Speed Racer View Post
Since you're on the policy as a driver, I would think you'd have the ability to call them and find out what type of coverage you have.

Honestly, it's not something I've ever had to deal with, since I've had my own insurance since I was 18 y/o when I got my first car. My 'rents said if I could afford a car, I could afford insurance.
Same here but my parents put me on their policy as it was cheaper than me having a separate one and this way everyone in the family was covered to drive it, should something come up. I paid all the costs associated with insuring it and myself though.

I too have full insurance on all of our vehicles. When the scarm-artist creep rear-ended my hubby a few years ago, having full insurance meant that our car was repaired within a week even though it took our Ins. over a year to successfully sue and force the other Ins and the creep to pay up as well as proving that the scam-artist was not injured and even if she was, it was her own fault. My brother had his truck totaled in a hit & run, took our Ins. 5 YEARS to recoup the costs (police found the responsible and uninsured party) but due to having full coverage, his truck was replaced within a couple weeks.

I won't ever go without full coverage.

Last edited by Delfina; 09-13-2012 at 12:36 PM.
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