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I feel so plain it makes me cry

7K views 56 replies 40 participants last post by  BKLD 
#1 ·
Is anyone else here really plain? There is really nothing beautiful about me...I've never had a boyfriend or anything like that. It's pretty sad...I've never had a man interested in me at all...apparently my grandmother as beautiful when she was young but I never was. I don't know why...I wasn't even a cute kid. Not at all...I was plain as a child, too...I remember I had pure white skin at some point...but it was looking really pale and clammy mostly...not genuinly ivory. Whatever...I don't care that much anymore.
 
#2 ·
Oh girl, I can relate on being plain. So can one of my daughters.

But! That does not define you! And that does not control your world!

While we may never get the attention in the way that some others do, we can shine in our own ways.

You will have to trust me on this. Trust me, and others, as you are too close to the situation to be objective.
 
#4 ·
Men are NOT the end of the world.

I was with a man who wanted me for my looks and turn me in to a trophy wife.. NO WAY.

A man will value you as a person. Not all of them will initially, but you'll find the right one.

You shouldn't give up. You need to change your own views on yourself. It doesn't matter what others think, just make sure you are happy and confident in yourself.
 
#5 ·
I am not an overly attractive woman either. I'm very average, with not much of a figure, brown, frizzy hair and brown eyes. I had a terrible acne problem when I was a teenager and it still hasn't completely resolved. My nose is a big, hooked nose and my ears stick out. I'm also not very outgoing. I had two close friends growing up, who were not pictures of popularity either. I never dated throughout high school, and I had some moments where I thought I was downright ugly and undesirable.

When I was in college I met a lot more people with common interests, and made friends. One of the guy friends I made ended up becoming my husband. He admitted that when we first met he did not find me attractive and thought I was actually a little weird, but he said I became attractive to him as we got to know each other.

Looking back on my teenage years, and my childhood, I'm actually grateful that I was not one of those popular kids I always aspired to be and that I was never a bombshell as I got older, because all of those people were tangled up in shallow relationships that didn't last beyond their school years. I have old classmates divorced with kids already, struggling to find a job, and here I am, happily married to a man who loves me for who I am, not what I look like, and earning a decent living because I focused on more important life goals while I was younger. I earned decent grades and worked hard instead of maintaining a dramatic social life. And those two close friends I had growing up, are still close friends.

Young beauty is just that, young beauty. It goes away. Everyone ages, goes gray or loses their hair, gets wrinkles. People get sick or injured and lose their good looks. Don't worry about attracting a man through your appearance. Just be yourself, and someday you'll find someone who loves you no matter what you look like and no matter what life throws at you. That's what real love is and what the strongest relationships are built upon.

And I'm sure you're not as plain as you think you are. Everyone is always their own worst critic. Perhaps you should get a new hair cut that flatters your face or buy some new clothes that fit your shape to freshen up your look and boost your self confidence. I know this is something helps me feel better when I'm feeling low.
 
#7 ·
I'm going to put this in horsey terms, "you can't ride color"! Someday you'll come across a man that is savvy enough to realize this. Breeding and training (your personality) is far more important than being flashy. Relax and be yourself, love usually comes along when you least expect it.
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#8 ·
“If you feel your value lies in being merely decorative, I fear that someday you might find yourself believing that’s all that you really are. Time erodes all such beauty, but what it cannot diminish is the wonderful workings of your mind: Your humor, your kindness, and your moral courage. These are the things I cherish so in you. I so wish I could give my girls a more just world. But I know you’ll make it a better place." -- Marmee, Little Women”
 
#9 ·
Presentation is everything. I roomed w someone that, w/o makeup and “accessories” would have definitely qualified as “plain”. But, her personality, style and the way she carried herself, confidence, her ease of going did not say “plain” and she was not “unnoticed”. I was still very shy at the time, did not welcome or appreciate being notice or conversation w “strangers” and my style was geared toward horses, of course, and I was often mistaken for “snobbish”, which upset me on several levels, but how to fix? Yeah, presentation – which isn’t easy to just jump right in and “change”, but it is everything.
 
#11 ·
You are who you are meant to be, so be at peace with that.

The people who judge by the outside trappings, the lottery of facial structure and build, are not worth worrying about, superficial people judging on superficial things.

You are a beautiful and unique person, there is only one of you, and that makes you, and me, and everyone else special.

You cannot change the frame you were given, I was born a shire horse, big limbs, heavy bone, plain color, I never will be an Arab, no matter how hard I work out, wish or try, and you know that's OK.

See my Siggy line, I AM ENOUGH, it is my new mantra, taken from Brene Brown, I highly recommend looking her up here start here for a taste....

 
#12 ·
I'm plain as well and although most of the time it doesn't bother me, sometimes it makes me want to cry too.
I'm rectangle shaped, with love handles, prone to acne, big round nosed and round faced with mouse colored hair. I didn't date throughout high school and even in college I only had one short term boyfriend before my husband. I was asked out a few times throughout high school and even in college although I declined. I assume that I was asked out at all because of my personality. I'm very easy going and I love to laugh :)
Most of my friends are extremely pretty so that's when I feel at my worst.
My advice to you is to make the best out of what God gave you. Let your personality shine through and you find a great guy. It worked for me. I'm still plain but my husband tells me I'm beautiful every day and he's the only one that matters in my book :)
 
#13 · (Edited)


You will find a person who loves you, and it won't matter what you look like because his love will be absolute. At the end of it all, everyone's physical body will fail them. Their skin will sag, wrinkles will form, fat deposits will build up or they'll whither away as death begins to take them. But your personality, that'll be yours until the day your light goes out. Personality is the key to the world my friends, because some of the prettiest (physically) people I've seen have been some of the blandest, most boring people I've ever met. I consider those people "plain" despite their physical appearance.

Rejoice in your personality, don't cry because your physical appearance isn't on the same level with someone else's.
 
#14 ·
Sometimes being ' gifted ' comes with a terrible price tag - and becomes a curse.
Other women are envious of you which can lead to hostility and mistrust , people don't take you seriously as they can't see past your looks , people at work think you only have the job as you look good etc
And when you get older you come to see that you don't have that many real friends and when your shallow husband has left you for a younger you, you find yourself alone .
Be a good person and all will be better in the long run - I would rather be with someone for who they really are than what they look like - someday you will have someone in your life and you will know that they want to be with the person you are rather than the person you look like.
 
#15 · (Edited)
I always felt plain growing up too. It helped a bit after I left my teens, my cheeks hollowed out a bit more and my cheek bones became a little more prominent, but by then my thoughts on my looks were set.

What I've learned since then? It was mostly all in my head. I'm sure your's is too... in fact I bet you're beautiful :) some of the most beautiful people I know think they are ugly. No matter how good you look there will always be something you dislike about yourself or envy in another person lol. There's no winning.

I didn't start dating till I was 20. I was a tom boy- baggy clothes, long flat hair and muscles from the barn. I found makeup and started dressing in more flattering clothes. Looking back I didn't look too much different despite my best efforts... but I felt BEAUTIFUL. And that's when I started getting compliments from other people and male attention.

A man should be the least of your worries but it will come in time. If you are really wanting someone in your life be proactive and start looking for them rather than waiting for them to fall from the sky... just be careful not to equate male attention with your self worth and feeling beautiful.

The man I'm with now has taught me so much about myself and makes me feel beautiful no matter what. Some of his favourite things about me are things I have always hated... He adores "my cute button nose". My flat round nose I've hated since I could look in the mirror. Loves my freckles. Freckles? Try acne spots... When we started dating I would catch him staring sometimes. He always said it was nothing when I asked why until one day when he smiled and just said "I never thought I could be with a woman like you... you're perfect". I was taken aback. You'll find your knight in shining armour someday. One who thinks you're perfect. Until then you need to find yourself. So buck up and start acting like you're beautiful, because you are :)
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#16 ·
Stars we are as plain as we make ourselves.

I too don't fit into a "category" that one would consider beautiful or even pretty. But I make up for it by trying to be an awesome friend, using my MENTAL talents to do good, dance like a mad woman, smile at EVERYONE I pass by, and giving tremendous handshakes and hugs like nobody's business (not that I like to).

It's all in how we make others feel about themselves that makes us "beautiful" and "exceptional" not our appearance.

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#17 ·
As everyone else here said, beauty comes from within. My friends were prettier than I was, they dated the cutest guys, while I was sitting in the corner feeling sorry for myself. I thought I'd never find a boyfriend, until one day I met my husband at a friend's house.

Almost 30 years later we are still happily married and truly love each other - while my pretty friends had one shallow relationship after another, went through ugly divorces, and are now spending all of their money on plastic surgery to keep looking 'young and attractive.' And I am spending my money on horses instead :D!

You will find someone when you least expect it, just give yourself a chance.
 
#18 ·
After a while, every human being on the planet will lose his or her beauty. Our skin will sag and become thin and veiny. We'll lose weight or gain weight. We'll hunch over or become artheritic. Our bones will become brittle. After a while, the playing field 'levels' out physically, and then what are we left with?

What we are left with, is who we REALLY are. How we handle stress, how we reply to people whom we dislike, how we carry ourself and how to react to people around us. What we are left with is our confidence in who we are as individuals, and with our views of other people. Those things don't go away. Those things slowly take over what the world sees on the outside until only what you're REALLY made of counts.

Which are you? Are you kind hearted, strong? Do you put other people above yourself, and enjoy the little things in life? Are you willing to help out when others aren't, studious and hard working? Do you lift your friends up when they're down? Do you enjoy a good conversation? Those are the things that will shine when the man you are destined for comes.

Physical beauty is nice, but it goes away. Qualities that make you a good friend do not, and they are what will earn you respect.

I'm only 18, but I've never dated either. I don't get a lot of romantic interest from guys either. Sometimes it makes me feel a little sad to see my prettier friends meeting guys and having seemingly wonderful relationships...until I step back and take a closer looks. Those friends...they aren't happy most of the time. In fact, they are so unhappy that they come to ME to ask how I'm so happy. They know that even though they may have that smoking hot boyfriend and tons of friends, I have something that they do not.

And I had no idea what they meant for a while...but then I realized, that it is contentment that I have. I don't have it all of the time of course, some times I'm jealous. But I have learned to enjoy my life, who I am, how I look, and who my friends are, just as they are. I tell myself every day not to compare myself to other people...no one is perfect. I try to be ok with who I am. And you know what? Because I'm not worried about how I look, or what others think of me, people notice me. I don't have many friends my age, probably because so many of them obsess over themselves and it annoys me, but I have genuine friends who see me for the hard working person that I am. It doesn't matter that I have scars and acne, that I'm short and too skinny. It doesn't matter that my nose is kind of bit and my hips are wide, or that I slouch more than I should or that I don't have perfect people skills. I'm just who I am, and I love people. I love to work hard to achieve my goals.

Someday I'll meet my perfect man, and he won't care what I look like. In return, I will not care what he looks like. Heck, most of my guy friends aren't exactly gorgeous like many of my friend's boyfriends are, but you'll find they they're respectful, thoughtful, and genuine, and that is why I like them.

Sometimes you WILL get lucky and meet someone who is gorgeous inside and out, and that is great. But the bottom line is that in the end, why does that matter? You can't take beauty to the grave.
 
#19 ·
Just last year I couldn't agree more - but let me tell you that you don't need a guy to make you happy. You don't need anyone to be itnerested in yuo to feel great. You don't need to look in the mirror and ask yourself why you aren't beautiful - because you are truly gorgeous. If god wanted you to look or act any different he could change that right now, but he has an entire life plan for you and everything that has happened in your life ahs happened for a reason - whether we know that reason or not.

At times I still don't think I'm pretty. I have never had a boyfriend and no one in my school could care less if I died. I don't have many friends, I only have one I could truly count on but even then I have doubts.
I am plain. All of my grandparents and great grandparents were also 'more beautiful' than me - but that was who God created them to be. They might have thought that they don't look pretty when they were your age, but all you need to do is look up at the sky, hold your arms out and thank the ord for creating the person you are today, because you are truly unique, gorgeous, and one of a kind.

I was a plain child too. All of my life my teeth have been all over the place. I hate it. I jsut want to rip them all out and get fake ones in because at least then I will have "normal teeth." My friends laugh at me because I am 16 years old and still have baby teeth. But uo know what? That is who God made me to be. Slow teeth is what he gave me in my life and there is nothing I can do about it - but I know that someday I will have straight teeth again as when I got my very first teeths.
I am a ginger - and in case you don't know, gingers cannot tan. I burn, but I cannot tan. Put me next to my whitest friend and I will be even whiter - but thank the Lord I am not as white as snow, haha!!
But that's okay. That is who I was made to be.

You may not think you are pretty, you may think that you aren't wanted in this world. You may think that no one cares or that you are destined to walk this world alone forever. But let me tell you this.
You are not alone.
I
care. I care.
You may super plus size or be skinny as a twig. you may have scars or your skin may be perfect. You may think that you aren't beautiful or that you are the most beautfiul person on earth.
God created you exactly how you are today and don't you dare try to change that. If God wanted you to be any different, he would have made you differently.

I could still agree with you on these things, but you know what? Don't worry about it. Just don't. It took me 16 years to accept myself of How I was. I am currently 16 years old and finally learned that no matter what you do, where you go, or who you meet - people will treat you the exact same as where you were before. Everyone is different, everyone was made to be different. Everyone has their own lives, their own dreams and their own personal problems.
What you need to do is just take a deep breath, let everything fade away, and exhale. Wehny uo Exhale you become the person you want to be. Not who someone else want's you to be. You make your own decisions. You get to choose what you do and who you will become.
No one, absolutely no one, can do that for you.
Don't let people control your life and mind, just walk away and find someone new.

It took me a long time to say no to who used to be one of my greatest friends. They showed me their true colors of themselves and who they created themselves to be and I dind't like it. I don't want that influence in my life and I don't want her to be around my friends - but I can't control that.


Just be yourself and ignore those around you who don't accept you because truly, they are missing out on loads of fun. I know lots of people are missing out of tons of fun and insanity with me simply because they don't like who God created me to be. But that is okay - we have 100 years to live, these first few 16 will not matter ten years from now. Ten years from now you will have completely different friends and those jerks in high school will be gone. Everyone, and you get to start fresh and become you.
 
#22 ·
Beauty---TRUE beauty---comes from within. It's the way your soul shines through your eyes as you look at the world around you. What you look like on the OUTSIDE really doesn't matter all that much to people who are real. Only false people care how you look on the outside. When you are old and wrinkled up, stoop-shouldered and a little pot bellied from age like me, you KNOW this!
Start by getting to really KNOW who you are within; all your good points and qualities, and yes, your faults too, since we can't fix those til we acknowledge what they are. Then work on learning to like yourself foe who you are--not how you look, because THAT is the REAL you. Once you can do that, you will be amazed at the people who think you look just fine. Because you do. It will shine through.
 
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#23 ·
I can tell you that beauty won't attract you the right guy. I would call myself pretty plain as well, not ugly, but not beautiful, but people tell me I'm cute and pretty, so I go along with it. ;-)

But why do they tell me I'm cute and pretty? It's not my looks, but my personality. Think of your outside as a surprise. Surprises might look good, but they may be bad. As people find out who you are, your "surprise" turns either uglier or more beautiful. In other words, your looks are either enhanced or torn down by your personality.

Case in point: My first boyfriend. He wasn't a handsome guy. He was overweight, had squinty eyes, moles on his face, fat cheeks, and a butt chin. This is when I didn't know him. HOWEVER, when we became friends, I became attracted to him and found him to be handsome.

After I broke up with him after a year or so of disrespect, pushing me to do stuff with him, and trying to outshine me (we dated for three years - this happened in the third year), I found his recent pictures terribly homely. Because his personality became homely as well.

Anyway, you should also know that, apparently in my cute/pretty state, I haven't had a boyfriend since this guy. I've had more unwanted advances than I can count on two hands in the last three years by old men, creepy young men, and scuzzy young men. The guys that seem decent that I flirt with are only looking for a good time. Otherwise, I don't get attention.

In addition to that, I'm pretty shy, and I've been going through a period of depression where I'm always tired and don't feel up to meeting anyone. Of course, that isn't really who I am, but I suppose that's how I come off as.

So what's good about being plain? The fact that when a guy comes after you, it's because he really wants you, not just your body, butt, or breasts.
 
#24 ·
I don't know why, but we all have a tendency to compare ourselves against those above us rather than those below. I do it from time to time as well and I have to remind myself that there are thousands of people who would trade places with me in a second. They would with you as well. I promise you.

I am short, a bit overweight, have a birthmark on the back of my neck in the shape of North America (and almost as large), scars on my hands and thinning hair. I'm not a big fan of mirrors. :). Having said that, I couldn't be healthier and anyone in a hospital or in pain would love to have my cosmetic "defects".
There will always be people with more than you and always be far more with less. Much less. Take a minute and really look around you.
I know many individuals who may be considered plain or ordinary and I honestly could care less. I also occasionally see some who are quite attractive and I again could care less. I only judge others by how they treat me. There is a girl at the stables who would possibly be considered unattractive, but she is probably the kindest and most giving rider there . I love being around her and to me she is the most beautiful person. She is just one of those people who makes you feel better about yourself. Plain ? Maybe. Beautiful ? Yes

I'll bet you are too !

I hope life brings you everything ......
 
#25 ·
I had a friend who was quite frankly very below average with a huge hooked nose who thought she was the most beautiful person ever. She married an incredibly attractive man and had very beautiful children (who took after the father's looks). However, she was not an arrogant person but rather exuded confidence. People are attracted to confidence. The biggest barrier that can repel people is not homeliness but rather lack of self confidence.
 
#26 ·
I'm an overweight 39 year old with mousey hair and pale skin with freckles. When I am just kicking back at home I am beyond plain... but if I make an effort when hubby and I go out, I can still turn heads. Its not that I look oh so much better when I go out, but attitude is everything, and when I'm out I'm out going, I can carry an intelligent conversation, and I'm genuinely interested in people and what they have to say.
You are quite probably not as plain as you think. So don't worry too much about the exterior, work on what is inside you and you will find that people forget to even look at the wrapper.
 
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