Teen Forum Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: South East Texas
I'm not really replying with any sort of useful information, I can just relate. So feel free to skip over my reply if you're just looking for advice.
Are you introverted by nature? It would appear to me that you are given that, like me (I am absolutely an introvert) you can go a few days without talking and still feel close to someone/happy. I'm introverted as well and I definitely fall into the 'less is better' category when any type of physical contact is concerned. Its strange. I'm not sure I'm as 'extreme' as you...if I am in a good mood I can and will tolerate my close friends touching me ( a pat on the shoulder, friendly bump, hand shake, quick hug) and occasionally with my best of friends (really only one person right now) I will initiate a hug. But just like you, I'd really prefer not to be hugged. My emotions range from frustrated to slightly angry...agitated I guess, or just uncomfortable. I feel like I'm out of my comfort zone when other people are very near to me (I'm incredibly aware of my and other peoples' personal bubbles) I think it is, as much as I don't want to admit it, a very possible reason that I stay single. I just do not touching. It annoys me if I'm tired or sad which you would think would be the opposite of a 'normal' reaction, and I view it with indifference in the best of times.
For curiosities sake, do you like the IDEA of affection? I know that sounds odd, but its one quirk about myself that I just don't understand. I actually love the idea of affection. Cuddling, hugging, even platonic friendly things...I hold no objection to the idea of them. They actually sound great to me. But when it comes to the actual act of even hugging a friend, I just feel uncomfortable because I don't know how to react, and because I feel uncomfortable, I become agitated or frustrated which leads to anger. But then I am upset that I can not do something so normal. Which leads me to believe that perhaps it is something about my introversion and the fact that company drains me that causes my reaction...and possibly yours. If you feel 'at odds' when around other people at all, you're more likely to feel awkward, and in many people that feeling of awkwardness/uncertainty tends to draw out the emotion of anger. Thus making us believe that touch = anger, where in actuality it is our reaction of uncertainty to touching that is triggering the anger.
Does that sound believeable at all? I have no research to back it up, I'm just a teenager, but its my deduction from how I have always felt. I can't tell you why I (we?) feel uncomfortable with touch...I personally have no reason to honestly. My mom is very affectionate (actually I find most of my agitation aimed at her and I feel bad) and I've had a 'normal' life without any incidences of rape or violence that might make me shy away from touch. Its strange.
Anyways, like I said. I'm no help with your actual delimma re: your fiancÚ, but I can relate in a way. I agree though that I think this is probably a classic case of meet in the middle. Compromise is key.
Everyone in your life is meant to
be in your journey, but not all of
them are meant to stay till the end.