Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Alberta, Canada
• Horses: 0
A year is a very short amount of time to get to know anyone, in my opinion. For the first year, you're in a honeymoon stage where everything is rainbows and butterflies. Nothing seems too big to overcome... If there is something that is such a big deal right now, it sounds like you guys need to have a BIG talk.
Does he know that you do not want to be touched? Ever?
It is your prerogative if you don't want to be touched. Some marriages are just about companionship, where sex rarely happens. But, I will be honest, they are not in the majority.
Could you change and/or suck it up? Perhaps.. but to what end? Can you imagine 5 years down the road when maybe you have a newborn grating on your nerves and your husband just wants to cuddle? Or have sex? What will your reaction be?
Unfortunately I can see 5 years down the road your hubby wanting to be physical and you being absolutely against it still, because that's your nature. There is NOTHING wrong with not wanting to be physical, but it is NOT FAIR to your partner to set expectations that you may change over time.
One of two things is highly likely to happen:
1) You do not change, your husband starts to resent that and harbors those feelings against you.
2) You try to change and hate it, but you do it anyways to keep your hubby happy. You start to resent it, and start harboring those feelings against him.
Either way, and I hate to say this, but it is a BIG DEAL and should NOT be ignored. Sex and intimacy is one of the leading factors for couples' unhappiness - and this is an extreme case. You having to be drunk to have sex is a HUGE DEAL. Huge. I cannot stress this enough. Sexual compatibility is a GIGANTIC deal in a relationship.
You may love him with all your heart, yes, but you do have to remember that you are very young. What about the stress of kids or finances on top of this stress?
I think you guys have a LOT of thinking and talking to do, and some major soul searching to do as well.
I hate to say it, and it may hurt a lot to hear, but my gut feeling is that this is something that may not be fixable. If you two decide to stay together, please please please seek counselling before you get married. There are lots of free resources out there, you just have to be willing to spend the time to find them.
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