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I just got to let it out

2K views 21 replies 14 participants last post by  rums_mom 
#1 ·
Alright guys this is somethin that has been weighin on my mind for some time now....

OK well this girl I met from Bible study text me and basically asked me if i would ever date her. I told her "yes but right now i am not ready".. However i don't really have feelins for this girl, but i have been debatin wether i will ever find feelins for any girl..

You see my last relationship ended bad and i got hurt (deeper than i thought), and now every girl that comes along i just can't seem to open myself up.. I mean i have no trouble at all talkin to girls but when that girl likes me or vis versa... i just begin to have a ton of doubts... then i just close myself... i quess i just dont see a girl really carin for me..

Idk.. i quess one of my big fears is that i wont find a girl because i always close myself...

Its kinda like a trust issue... and just bein friends is alright but what then..

I know i should be patient, and i know I am still young... but i have yet to find a girl that really likes me for me... I mean i know i aint prince charmin on a white horse, but atleast i am a good guy..

ugh its just hard to explain.. i am just SO confused. I am just affraid i have taken it solo for so long, i dont know nothin else..

thanks for readin and tell me what you think.
 
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#2 ·
hmm..seems like you got a lot on your plate..

i'd probebly say you shouldn't date until you're ready again..
if its trust and opening up issues that you have then, try opening up to this girl and tell her why you aren't ready to date just yet

and try opening up to your other friends or to someone you trust to make it easier

from the looks of it, you have no trouble opening up on HF and i think thats a pretty good start!

GOOD LUCK :D
 
#3 ·
I think when you meet the special girl you have been waiting for you won't need to worry about opening up because you won't have doubts. You will just know when the time is right. As for now, making friends and spending time with them whether they are male or female and being truthful and open with them is all you need to worry about :) Having a relationship end bad and you getting hurt is all a part of the lesson of life :) You only come out stronger and more knowledgeable, you now know even more what you are searching for :)
 
#4 ·
Yea.. its just on my mind, because i want to find that girl.. i want to open up... i want to have those feelins.. but every girl i have met so far, i just dont have feelins for........ and its just buggin me.. i mean the girls i like dont like me and the girls i dont really like, like me.

its just all so confusin..

I just feel that i AM ready, but i just havn't found that special girl yet.. and i just fear i wont ever find her i quess... sillly i know, but i just worry.. I mean, takin it solo has its pros and cons but... nothin beats the love of a women
 
#5 ·
oh, you can also write your thoughts in a journal. it helped me a lot after my parentals got divorced.

besides, you've got your whole life ahead of you! the right girl is out there for you. you two just may not be ready for eachother yet.

good things come to those who wait :D
 
#7 ·
You won't "find" that girl... She'll find you, at least, that's how it worked for me. When the right person comes, it'll just happen. As for the girl in bible study, why don't you go out w/ her a few times? I don't mean GO OUT WITH HER, but ... take her on a few dates, tell her you really don't know if you are ready to get serious, but that if she wants to go out, you are in, but don't lead her on, let her know that there are no promises. I figure worse case, you'll end up with a really good friend....
 
#8 ·
Sounds just like me :wink:

I've said it before to you, but I'll say it again. Sometimes the best things come when you aren't even looking for them.

Just enjoy college and everything you're doing now and one day you'll just meet that girl and you'll know it. Give it time because being single is better than being stuck in a pointless relationship. Trust me!

Play it cool 8) and be yourself. No one likes a poser!

I'm sure you'll find a cowgirl that will go crazy for you! I have NO DOUBT WHAT-SO-EVER!
 
#11 ·
I would try and get to know her more without you both using the term "dating." If you said yes, that meant that you have feelings for her or didn't want to hurt her feelings. I'm going through this whole "dating/relationship" thing for the first time for about two months now. In the beginning when I was dumb, I jumped him with the question asking him if we were dating. He said yes but a couple weeks later he came out with the truth and told that he couldn't date me anymore because he had been cheated on twice in long distance relationships but still wanted to get to know me. I was totally fine with that because I just thought guys wanted to say they were dating a girl as soon as possible but now I know from him, and you, that not all guys are like that. Now we've spent these past two months getting to know each other and we've become really, really close. I was like you, thinking that no one would ever like me and I wasn't the one to make the first move on a guy. Either he had to do it or there was nothing. lol I would get to know her more on a friend level. If she really likes you, she'll accept that and not just flip you off because you said you wouldn't date her because you need more time.

(Sorry for my story. I didn't really know any other way to explain it. lol)
 
#12 ·
actually you did pretty well. and thats kinda like how i am, i aint really the one to make the first move.....and i do agree, i am puzzled when a girl says she likes me.... or somethin.. cause i am like "why?" lol..
 
#14 ·
I would say that it doesn't hurt to just go and hang out with her. (But make sure she knows it's just as friends for now) It might help you to get over your fear to just get out there and hang out with some people and get to know them. Maybe you'll find that it will help you trust again.
 
#16 ·
Take iot from somone old enough to be your grandma...... relaaaaaaaaaaaaaax! LOL

Trust me. When that special girl comes along, your mouth will fall open and your life will pour out. You'll be shocked and amazed at yourself. LOl

Now, there will also be other wonderful gals who make you do this, but they won't be that special one. Don't fault them or yourself. make connectuions. make friends. that's LIFE.

It's like learning to walk. if you are afraid to fall, you'll crawl your whole life. I'm sorry your trust was shaken. It' hurts, I know. But you survived. You gain strength knowing it won't kill you. Walk on.
 
#17 ·
Excellent advice up there from Dash! Brandon....*take a deep breath* You are fine...calm down and go out with the girl from bible study...*breath out*

My first hubby was killed in a car accident...I thought I would never find another. I wasn't even sure I wanted another. So I just lived my life and adored our child and was really happy being a mom and going to work...but eventually...like 4 years later...I got lonely. I just wanted someone to talk to and hang out with. I wasn't looking for romance. I met my current hubby through friends, we were both going through rough times...he was in the midst of a divorce. We ended up hanging out. Our girls liked to play with eachother so we woould get together for playdates for our kids. I didn't like him as a romantic prospect at first. He was a good listener. One thing lead to another and 6 years later I couldn't imagine not having him in my life. He has seen me at my worst, snotty nosed and red faced balling my eyes out and hurting from a place so deep inside that I felt that I may just split in two. All that before we kissed! And ya know what...we were open and honest with each other and God/Life had plans for us that neither of us saw comming. It worked! Give yourself some time and learn how to enjoy someone else's company with no expectations on lifetime romance. That will come on its own, you just have to be willing to be there.

Sorry I wrote a book...You're a good guy B. Let love happen on its own.
 
#18 ·
This might not help much but I figured I'd tell it anyway..

you see there was this boy who had had a crush on me for like 3 years or so.. But I never did feel the same way about him.. he sent me emails and told my friends how much he loved me and wanted to date me But like I said I had no feelings oher than friendship for him.. so when I got old enough to talk to guys on the phone I knew he would want to start calling so I wrote him a letter ( because I'm no good at talkin face to face about things like this ) telling him how I felt and stuff and that I would be friends with him but that was as for as it could go ( for more reasons than 1) so he started calling me and several people waslike oh you'll end up dating him before its over but I was like no I won't.. So we became pretty good friends and after a few months ( over that time I had to keep reminding him I only liked him as a friend ) he got a girlfriend.. So even though now hes stopped calling me and we hardly talk at all now he seems happy with the other girl and I'm very happy for him..

I guess what I'm trying to say is it's possible to be frinds with a guy/girl even though they might have feelings beyond and friendship and you may not. Then in time you will each find someone you care for... So it would'nt hurt to talk and hang out with that girl some ( be sure to keep being honest with her so you don't lead her on though) and who knows you two might develope an awesome friendship..
 
#20 ·
You know, I wouldn't worry about going out with someone who isn't 'the one'. I don't know what you're expecting from dating and going out with people, but few people find The One (if such a person exists) right away. It's okay to give things a go and have them not work out; it doesn't mean you're a bad person or not suited to girls or anything. Don't be afraid or worried if you go out with a girl who doesn't turn out to be your lifelong partner :)

Perhaps if you take off the pressure of finding She Who Will Love You Forever, dating might be easier. Just relax and take things as they come. Don't worry about putting names and labels on things.
 
#21 ·
It's not often like the movies.... when you see someone across the room, your eyes meet, and wham! Nope. That's ( usually) Hollywood. That does happen, but in my experience it usually fizzles.

It's tremendous pressure to put on a young lady- and yourself- to think hey, are you The One? My best friend, my lover, the Mom of my kids, the woman who'll stand by me if I get some horrible disease and am bedridden for the next 40 years?? LOL I said it before, relax. You can never ever judge a person like that until you add real love into the mix. People die... willingly and without thought ....DIE for others that they love. How can you see that before hand? You can't. But you can feel it for others.

Just start dating,. Yes, you are allowed to date more than one girl at a time.( As long as you never lie about it.) Just because you go out once doesn't mean you have to go out again, or again.

If you live in a small community never talk about ( in detail) what went wrong with another relationship until you are waaaaay into a relationship. Everyone deserves their privacy, even somebody who has wronged you. It is gentlemanly to never dis the the gal, no matter how badly she wronged you. The old expression "don't kiss and tell" still applies today. It applies not just to smooching but all 'personal' details.....romantic in nature or just personal stuff. You will quickly build yourself a rep as a class act. :wink:

I feel like you are skipping a couple steps before worrying about trust issues. The does-she-like-me-kinda-maybe? step. The nervous stomach of asking her out cause you don't even know if you want to but she's cute. First date nerves.Do I want to kiss her goodnight? Should I ? No?Yes?No? Ask her out again or not? LOL the first several months of a new relationship can make your head spin.

Enjoy it.
 
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