I’m a university junior. I live with my parents and younger siblings in a house on acreage in the country.
In august, my parents let me get a kitten I found on Craigslist, as a sort of birthday present (my 20th). She was found on the side of the road, in a box. She was the loud one no one wanted.
I have two jobs. One of which is at a vet clinic. So since I’ve had my kitten, we’ve been there 3 times. Her vaccine, she had a reaction, two weeks ago, and we went back. I was so scared she was going to die, and leave me. All my coworkers met her. And the cat rescue lady, who’s a client--she and I both think she was HIGH % Siamese. Her behavior was unlike any cat I’ve ever met--vocal, happy, intelligent, busy--all things I read and learned are trademark of the breed. Like a dog..in a cat's body. I never thought I liked cats this much--I always pegged myself as more of a dog person, but this was unbelievable.
She learned to swim, in the pool. And liked it. She liked being wherever you were. I’ve only had her a month, and already she wormed her way more into my heart than my german shepherd has in years.
I’m taking an 18 credit course load, at uni. I've had a couple of REALLY bad things happen in the last month. Each time, I come home and hold this crazy little cat. I do my homework with her. I listen to music with her. I shower with her. And somehow, things are better and I’m not as stressed. She is the one thing about my home life I like coming home to.
While I was at work Wednesday night, my family let her outside, and didn't put her in her kennel. Just left the baby out. And took my sister to volleyball practice. No surprise when they got home...she is gone.
Found her last night. Dead, in the yard, in one piece, no wounds to be seen. The black lab killed her. A LABRADOR RETRIEVER. I can't stop crying.
SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN OUTSIDE, NOT BEING WATCHED. PERIOD. ITS TOO DANGEROUS FOR CATS. No one cared. I even PRAYED yesterday, in the LIBRARY, got down on my knees and put my face into the ground and PRAYED she'd be okay. Lot of good that did. Today, I have cried all day. In public. It's embarassing. I never CRY. And I haven't cried in public in years. I keep telling myself she’s coming back. She’s not really gone. She’s not dead, at 4 months old. She’s really okay and she’s going to show up laying on my bed any minute, like she was on Tuesday night while I played cat noises on my phone and hid it around the room so she chased it. And I'm going to get to have her for the next 15, years, the way it's supposed to be. And she's going to be there, be with me when I move out, and when I start my life on my own. She's going to be there. Because she can't be dead. She's an innocent baby.
Tonight, I cannot remember how old my sisters are. AND I ran a red light. Just plowed through. I'M SO LUCKY no one was coming. I’m losing it. I've BEEN losing IT--my moods since school started have become more and more erratic, and this feeling of hopelessness. The cat was the final straw.
In some sick twisted corner of my mind, I had the presence of mind to look at the paper tonight. There’s an ad in there for apple head Siamese kittens. I called. As it turns out, the elderly lady lives about 45 mins from me. They’re purebreds, 8 weeks old. All females. All seal points. All exact replicas of my kitty. Somehow, I feel like I could get one, and it wouldn’t be like she’s really gone. It wouldn’t be her, but subconsciously, she wouldn’t have to be gone gone. That somehow, I will have her almost back. As close as I will ever get. And it will never leave my room again, and I will always have her. Almost like a do over, and turning back time.
I know it wouldn’t fix it..But am I SICK for even thinking this? I'm sorry. I had to tell someone.
Note to anyone who's wondering...cats aren't suppose to be outside. Ever. Until the world ends.