I Really Need Someone To Talk To... - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 17 Old 01-24-2010, 02:01 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Orange County, NY
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I Really Need Someone To Talk To...

I really feel like I've hit a wall in my life recently... I'm 23 years old, I've been out of highschool for almost 5 years and I still don't have a college degree. I have switched my major a bunch because I have no idea what I want to do with my life... I mean if I could live my dream I would open up my own petstore/tack shop, I would call it Horsefeathers, and I would open it in Kingston, ny. 15 minutes from HITS (saugerties) and there are no tack shops up there but tons of farms!

But everyone seems to think that idea is stupid... that it doesn't make any sense... but it would make me happy! Don't I deserve the right to be happy??

On top of that, I feel like Im kind of stuck with the horses... Like everyone around me is progressing so much and im just kind of stuck... Im training Amber and I don't have a horse to do other stuff on, which I know isn't a big deal, cause she's getting so much better. But I watch youtube videos and see all of these people jumping like 4' bareback and I just know that I will never be that good of a rider... and it hurts for some reason!

Then one of my favorite horses is going to be put to sleep soon...

And it feels like I really don't have any close friends anymore, I have a wonderful boyfriend, but he's really the only person in my life that im super close to, and it bothers me! I really feel the need to be someone who is friends with everyone but no one really sticks around... I don't know what's wrong with me... I don't think im some horrible person... *sigh*

Thanks for reading this, I really just need to know that im not some failure in life...

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post #2 of 17 Old 01-24-2010, 02:21 PM
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No, honey, you aren't a failure. Not even close, you have horses and a boyfriend who love you. I know how it feels to hit a wall. I did that just recently. What really helped me was just to take a couple of days and really think about all the choices I had made. If you want to open a pet store/tack shop, who are other people to tell you it is a stupid plan? That is your dream and I have just recently figured out that sometimes you just have to follow your dreams, regardless of what everyone else thinks about it. It may not work out but it wouldn't be from your lack of trying. As far as your riding goes, maybe your are just pushing yourself too hard and stressing yourself out. If you are stressed, then you can't relax and really get into it. Riding should be fun first and foremost. If you are having fun riding, then everything else will come in time. I am willing to bet that many of those people in those videos have been riding since they were infants and had very expensive professional coaching since they could walk, being drilled for hours every day with no time to play with friends. Just because they look good on a horse doesn't mean that they are happy. I know how hard it is to be indecisive. You are more than welcome to pm me if you ever need to talk or vent or just need a sounding board to bounce ideas off of.


Always remember that feeling of looking at a big, open country over the ears of a good horse, seeing a new trail unwind ahead of you, and that ever-spectacular view from the top of the ridge!!! Follow my training blog: http://robertsontraining.blogspot.com/
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post #3 of 17 Old 01-24-2010, 02:31 PM
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I am in a very similar boat. I am 20 and took time off after high school because I didnt know what I wanted to do and I didnt have any support from my family to help with and of the finical issues that come along with college. My parents have never supported me in ANYTHING to do horses. The only way I got my gelding now is I won him threw a 4H thing when I was 13, I had to find somewhere to keep him and pay the board myself (worked a deal out that I worked at the barn 5 days a wk after school) anyway, they wouldnt drive me there, nothing. So I fought threw thick and thin to keep this horse and I LOVE him to death. But it has created a gap between me and my parents. Anyway, I too have a boyfriend that is my best friend and the one constant in my life and I have friends but no on e that i can turn to when something deep comes up. So i know EXACTLY how you feel. I recently just started going to college (this past week) and I am really liking it, but I took time off to really learn about myself and get to that point. I say that if a tack/pet shop is what you want to do, DO IT! You have a boyfriend that will support you threw it and if its really what you want you will find a way to make it work.
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post #4 of 17 Old 01-24-2010, 03:07 PM
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Trust me, I know how you feel. For me, it's not competing. I see all of my friends going Training level and Prelim and I am here... at my house... barely riding once a week.

I know how tough it is, but just focus on what a great horse Amber is now, and what she will be when she gets some training/shows under her belt. Then everyone will be jealous of YOU!


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post #5 of 17 Old 01-24-2010, 03:11 PM
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You are not alone in the way that you feel. I'm 37. I've spent alot of time feeling the exact same way. Wondering what is wrong with me that I can't have friends. I spent 7 years in a marriage with a guy who kept telling me the reason we didn't have friends was because of me. He told me that husband and wives do their own things on the weekends and they don't spend quality time together. He wanted me to support his dreams but he would in no way support my dreams.

Thankfully, he kicked me to the curb almost a year ago.

After moving here, I tried to make friends with other women and it's not been a good thing. I've had two women run me off basically. Very insecure women thinking because I was single/dating that I was going to take their men. Even my cousin who has horses, likes to rub it in because she had horses and I didn't. Each time I'd mention riding, she'd tell me I'd have to wait for her daughter to take me. (her 14 yr old daughter!)

I am now in a relationship (engaged) with a wonderful man who understands my dreams. He doesn't mind being my best friend. He has helped me fulfill my dreams by helping me get my horse (Lillie) and getting into horse training, and in doing so, I found a frienship in a place I least expect it. The lady that sold me Lillie is one of my dearest friends. We live about an hr away from each other but that doesn't stop me from driving down and going riding with her or helping her halter break/lead train her foals. We chat all the time via email.

As far as my cousin, after getting Lillie and working her last summer with round pen/ground work. She "overheard" what I was doing and send her daughter out with their yearling to "learn". I honestly did try to teach her what I knew and show her what I was doing, but honestly I don't think she got it. After a week, I found out if I had a round pen, she wanted a round pen. If I had a round pen under light to work later at night, she had to have light for her round pen. It was more about 1 uping me than learning anything. So when I'm riding my two yr old this summer and she has manners and is easy to work with, and their filly doesn't, I will be able to be proud of my accomplishments. (Please no comments about riding a two yr old. To each their own.)

I say go for your dreams! If you want to open a tack shop, go for it. No one should hold you back from your dreams. And when you start living your dream, you'll see doors open you never expected and find friends you never thought you'd have and you will be happy.

"Riding a horse is not a gentle hobby, to be picked up and laid down like a game of solitaire. It is a grand passion. It seizes a person whole and, once it has done so, he will have to accept that his life will be radically changed." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Last edited by Plains Drifter; 01-24-2010 at 03:18 PM.
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post #6 of 17 Old 01-24-2010, 05:08 PM
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Location: Mariposa, CA USA
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Sounds like you are in a plateau phase of your life. Nothing seems to happen, you feel lost and unable to move forward. Now is a bad time economically to start a business. You should be educated on running a business, even a small one like you mentioned! There is a LOT you need to know before jumping in with both feet (I have done that and lost my shirt in the process!) So, set being a business owner in your sights, and learn what's needed to attain that goal and make it a success! Listen to advice, talk to other small business owners, see what they say.

It's the little things that drive me wild...
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post #7 of 17 Old 01-24-2010, 05:28 PM
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Just few words: don't dream your life but live your dream.

I know the horrible feeling of unconsciousness since I'm taking my 2nd gap year after my upper secondary school (our high school), just because I haven't known what I want to do with my life. I think found my path just few months ago and love the feeling of having some goal.

I'd say you're living here just for yourself so do it for yourself. There are always people who are ready to say that this and that are silly ideas and won't work, no matter of the idea you're offering to them. So if you want to have a petstore/tack store, ignore these people and go for it! I don't even know how this would be a stupid idea since there are a lot of different small self-employed entrepreneurships in all kind of fields in business world. So could it be possible to switch to some major which would help you to achieve this idea? I've caught these college degrees are pretty loose so if you later find you still want something else it would give you a wide range to re-choose your career/life path.

About the horse stuff, I agree with smrobs. Besides that I've personally noticed that things will usually progess cyclically with horses. There are periods when things go ahead, you learn (and if you have a horse I guess it'll learn too), then there are periods when you digest things and are "stucked" for a while before going ahead again. If that still stress you, could it be possible to borrow or lease some other horse or take some instructed lessons so you'd take a little break? I've found that things will become jammed easier when you're stressed and chew the cud with the stressing thing.

About the friend thing, I'm sorry for that. It sucks when you're in that situation. I hope you'll find some friend you can really trust and who will be your soulmate. Perhaps the same thing which goes with guys goes also with that: you'll find when you're at least waiting it..? Anyways I'm glad you already have a good, supporting boyfriend .

"On hyviä vuosia, kauniita muistoja, mutta kuitenkaan, en saata unohtaa,
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Vaikka myrsky hetkeksi tyyntyykin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Ja pian taas uusin hönkäyksin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Hei tuu mun luo, pieneksi hetkeksi. Puhutaan, varjoni, valkoiseksi enkeliksi."

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Last edited by TaMMa89; 01-24-2010 at 05:32 PM.
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post #8 of 17 Old 01-24-2010, 05:35 PM
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Location: North Eastern, US
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Oh no! you arent failing at life. do what makes you happy. it seems like your pretty decent at training horses why dont you do a biusness as a horse trainer? if you love horses do something with them that will make you happy. maybe your not a vey doctor person, there are many other jobs with horses( example my friends dad massages race horses) you can do lessons or just train expeirenced horse keep workin!

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post #9 of 17 Old 01-24-2010, 05:55 PM
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: central PA
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I def. have been in that boat too, I often felt like I was the only one who felt like that.
I am 33 ..I have a 10 yr old child, got married last July and although I know that my husband loves me we have been going through a really rough patch(mostly financial stress)
I really haven't had a close "girlfriend" in a long time, I had what I considered a best friend but she proved to me our friendship was one sided.
There are girls at that barn that I consider my friends but often wonder if they are true friends ....I am stuck in between them, they are in their earlier 20s and then their are some that are in their 50's and theres me who is stuck in the middle and wonder if I can relate to them at all.
I felt like I wasnt progressing at all in my riding abilities with my gelding and when I see other people riding him I feel like what is wrong with me, why can't I do this ?

I love what I do as a job but it can be stressful and the management isnt always easy to work for....I always thought it would have been ideal for me to open a tack store or something of that nature , I hate not having a flexible schedule.

I think at times too that maybe it is the weather , its cold , rainy , snowing....things seem like the are more bearable when the sun is shining and the birds are singing.
Hang in there , I too extend an invitation if you ever need to talk , vent you can always PM me : )

Horses and children, I often think, have a lot of the good sense there is in the world.
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post #10 of 17 Old 01-26-2010, 03:40 PM
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Tack shops, unless they're run by huge outfits, tend to fail. Why? Because we can buy all our necessary items on-line nowadays for a lot less money.

Plus, the smaller shops don't usually have a good selection, and what they do have tends to be expensive. Remember, on-line stores don't have any overhead, so they can sell things cheaper.

At 23 y/o, you should already have some idea of what you're capable of doing. At 23, I'd already been working full time for 6 years. I went to college at night and on the weekends. I'm an accountant; not because I love accounting, but because I had an aptitude for it and turned that aptitude into an educational and career choice.

I'm not offering you sympathy, because you don't need any. What you do need is to quit thinking up pie-in-the-sky scenarios that won't work, and realize that your life is passing you by because you have this idea that you 'deserve to be happy', and don't think you should have to work unless you LOVE the job.

You don't have friends? MAKE some. People aren't going to come to you, hat in hand, and beg you to be their buddy. If you want friends you have to be a friend first.

Instead of whingeing about what you want and how it's soooo unfair you don't have it, you need to take a long hard look at yourself and learn to grow up and take responsibility for yourself.

Where is the capital supposed to come from for you to have your 'dream job'? Without a 5-year business plan in hand and some actual assets, no bank in the world is going to lend you money to open up a tack shop/pet store. Many new businesses fail within the first 2 years, and the type of business you want to open is within that high risk group.

Trust me, most adults don't love their jobs; they're something at which people make money so they can have and do the things they enjoy.

I really don't know where everyone gets this idea that they 'deserve' happiness. We make our own happiness. It's nobody else's responsibility to make you happy; that's completely up to you. If you always depend on someone or some thing for happiness, you're always going to be unhappy and bitter.

Even the Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness; all it guarantees is the right to the pursuit of happiness.

BTW, the name Horsefeathers has already been taken by an on-line place. It's also copyrighted, if I remember correctly.

Last edited by Speed Racer; 01-26-2010 at 03:43 PM.
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