I'm going for treatment... Bullying. *Slightly long* - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 62 Old 02-22-2012, 01:36 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you so much everyone... I thought it was about time I shared the story... Anyway, I will keep everyone informed on how my treatment is going.
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Every girl wants their own LOVE STORY, I found mine... :)
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post #12 of 62 Old 02-22-2012, 11:46 PM Thread Starter
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I thought I would make this thread my "treatment diary" to keep my head clear and for me to see how I'm improving... No one has to read any of it of course!

Every girl wants their own LOVE STORY, I found mine... :)
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post #13 of 62 Old 02-22-2012, 11:47 PM
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Please do! We'd love to read about your progress.
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post #14 of 62 Old 02-23-2012, 12:19 AM
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I think you are absolutely one of the bravest girls that I've ever heard of. To tell your story so openly in hopes of helping other people and getting people to stop bullying is amazing. I think there are a lot more people out there that do hurt themselves, but are too scared to admit it. There are a lot of people that are dealing with depression and eating disorders and I think that your story will provide them the strength to get better.

You are SUCH a beautiful girl. (I totally stalked your horse Love Story and seen your pictures) There is NO reason for you to feel bad about yourself. Young people can be absolutely cruel! And there is no need what-so-ever for it. The only reason why people like them continue to pick on other people is because they are self conscious about something in their life. No one is perfect in this world. And if someone think's they are perfect, well, that's actually their imperfection.

There are so many ups and downs in life and I'm so sorry that you had to go through everything that you have gone through the past 5 years. You didn't deserve to be treated so poorly. No one ever does. It's often people that misunderstand or don't try to understand someone's situation that are the first people to judge. It's not fair.

I personally have been depressed, on anti-depressants, used to hurt myself and did the whole "not eating" thing. But I figured out that I was hurting the people that cared about me the most. My parents, my animals. I didn't have very close friends so they never knew, but the ones closest to me were able to help me pull through some of my darkest days. Honestly, the main thing that helped me was my dog. He was always there for me, he dried my tears and made me laugh. He was my shining light in my darkest hours.

You look so happy with your horse. I think if you were to put your energy towards getting better for your horse, you'll realize that the people that pick on you and treat you like your a nobody, won't even matter. Hold your head HIGH because you deserve to be happy, and you deserve to live your life to the fullest. Your horse doesn't care what you look like, he doesn't care what you sound like, he doesn't care about anything except for your kindness and your willingness to accept him for who he is and not judge him. That's true love.

You will get better, and you'll look back and probably be ashamed of the way that you treated yourself. But that is why you need to focus on getting better now, because being horrible to yourself for 5 years, in much better then being horrible to yourself for 25 years. The world is in your hands. So take what is being offered and don't look back.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

"The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with
him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too."

-Samuel Butler
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post #15 of 62 Old 02-23-2012, 12:26 AM
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I'm under care for major depressive disorder myself, so I know at least in part how you feel. My dog and now my horse are two ways I am managing my condition, as the meds will only go so far.

I didn't personally experience the bullying when I was growing up, but my two younger children (ages 10 & 12) have Autism and are at the age when judgment by their peers is beginning to get harsh - so I see it every day. I stress to them, and I offer for your consideration, that the words of others are not actually because of you - they are driven by the speakers' own egos. Don't allow your own mind to define you by their misguided standards.

Depression is painful and it is at least as much - probably more - a symptom of how we think as what we think. There are some readings out there that have helped me with this, and I will share them if you like.
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post #16 of 62 Old 02-23-2012, 12:27 AM
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Oh lovestory! Im so sorry!

Just remember, I am your friend :) We maybe on other sides of the world, but I will be here to support you!

Cross Country- The act of hurling yourself and your equine partner at a stationary object with poise and grace while attempting to survive...
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post #17 of 62 Old 02-23-2012, 11:47 AM Thread Starter
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Thank you guys, I'm going for my first evaluation today... I'm going to be spending a few days there so that they can assess my mental health. I know I'm not crazy, but at the same time I know that I am not 10000000% mentally healthy.

Even though I KNOW it's not good for me. I still get the urge to cut, or purge myself after eating. I've been doing it for so long that I feel as if I physically need to do it or I won't be able to function, and even now I still feel like that. My friend came over yesterday and took away all my razors and scissors, and anything else that could be used to harm myself, and my mom prepared me a very light but sustaining meal. Things went okay... I started out fine, but as the night progressed I suddenly got bad. I started shaking and felt really paranoid. I threw up and I ended up smashing my mirror. My hands and face are at the moment scratched up.

That was when my mom asked for me to go in today. And I want to. If I reacted like that after one night of abstaining, how am I going to handle a lifetime without it?

I am not ashamed to admit this, because I am going to get the help I need, and even with this minor setback, I WILL be okay...

CLaPorte432, thank you for stalking my mare lol ;) I know she appreciates it, and thank you for the words of encouragement.

Hickory67, I would love to see those readings you mentioned, I think it will help :)

And PintoTess, thank you. That really means a lot to me, it really really does!

I'm also not ashamed to admit that I am absolutely terrified. I am so scared at the thought of quitting these habits I've had for so long, but I know that I have to stop it for my own health...

Every girl wants their own LOVE STORY, I found mine... :)
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post #18 of 62 Old 02-23-2012, 12:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveStory10 View Post
I'm also not ashamed to admit that I am absolutely terrified. I am so scared at the thought of quitting these habits I've had for so long, but I know that I have to stop it for my own health...
Both the self harm and the eating disorder are addictions that are as real as any other addiction. It's going to be scarey, but you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.

Sending you strength and support.
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post #19 of 62 Old 02-23-2012, 02:41 PM
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Stay strong Girl! <3

Cross Country- The act of hurling yourself and your equine partner at a stationary object with poise and grace while attempting to survive...
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post #20 of 62 Old 02-23-2012, 02:51 PM
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I'm wishing you all the best, but please be aware that you are not alone. Many many people have to deal with these issue, so please please please don't feel like you are a "bad person" for them. I'm delighted you are getting the help you need, and it will make you a stronger person.

My mother was a self harmer and suffered from depression and multiple personalities, I'm aware how difficult these things are but I wish you all the best and please look forward to a healthy future for yourself :)

Stop for a minute, open your mind, learn. You may not agree with what I say, I may not agree with what you say but we will both learn something new.
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