I'm going for treatment... Bullying. *Slightly long* - Page 3 - The Horse Forum
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post #21 of 62 Old 02-23-2012, 07:32 PM
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Maryland
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There are two books I highly recommend: "The Power of Now" and "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. I would also recommend going to his website. I have read both books several times and each time something new resonates with me - it has literally changed the way I think, and thus has helped me manage in the worst of times.

Tolle is a spiritual teacher - he does not subscribe to a particular religious sect or denomination, but does draw from the major religions in his talks and writings. He comes from a position of understanding, as he was severely depressed and close to suicide at one point in his life.

I won't preach to you - I could write volumes on it - but it was an immense help to me at a very dark time. Still is.
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post #22 of 62 Old 02-23-2012, 08:02 PM
Green Broke
Join Date: Oct 2008
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Stay strong. Those bullies have no idea what they are taking about. You are gorgeous. Never let anyone tell you otherwise.

Your story made me cry. I am so sorry you have to go through this. You will be able to get through this.

*hugs* feel better ♥

I was a dreamer
Before you went and let me down.
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post #23 of 62 Old 02-23-2012, 10:26 PM
Green Broke
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Here is the video I was talking about and failed at posting. I love it.

myhorsesonador likes this.

"There's nothing more humbling on the planet than horses." --Sean Crocker
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post #24 of 62 Old 02-23-2012, 11:15 PM
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My prayers go out to you, you are very brave!!

Being horseless is the pits!!
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post #25 of 62 Old 02-24-2012, 03:47 AM Thread Starter
Green Broke
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Witbank, South Africa
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Hickory67, thank you, I will most definitely check those out.

VanillaBean, I'm sorry I made you cry, and thank you so very much.

Sunny, that video is gorgeous, and so inspiring, thank you for sharing it with me.

HorseLovinLady, thank you for your support.

Lately, I have been listening to a lot of music by Demi Lovato, as she went through what I am going through, and she is my ultimate role model right now. Her song "Skyscraper" in particular has been helping me a lot:

Another one is "Fix a heart", but I don't have the video link right now.

Last night I went for my evaluation, and I am going to rehab for two nights to start off with, and they will see how it goes and if the time needs to be increased. They told me that what I am attempting to do will be very difficult, especially quiting the cutting. I'm very shaky, which I was told is normal, it's my desire to cut, but not being able to do is actually having a negative effect on my body, as I have been doing it for so long. I'm restless and can't sit still, and even though I'm trying really hard, I can't make myself eat. They say that this is also normal.

My therapist got me talking about my hobbies and things I like to do, and he was thrilled when I mentioned my horses, and encouraged me to spend as much time as possible with them, as they will most definetely help me, but I must stay away from the fences and other objects that I may cut myself on (I have done that in the past.) My instructors have been informed, and are going to help me through this too, and keep an eye on me when I am at the barn.

I also mentioned to him I like to do photo edits, and listening to Demi Lovato, so he suggested that I use them both to help me, as an outlet for my emotions, which I have done by putting lyrics of her songs onto photos, which are shared at the bottom of this post. I also told him about this Forum, and the support I am getting, which he is also happy about. He was very surprised but thrilled when I told him how I told my story on here. He said that admitting that I have a problem is the first step to overcoming it, which is true, as I have spent the past years in denial that what I was doing was a problem.

I just want to thank everyone so much for supporting me, and I hope you all continue to do so as time goes on, as I will need it so much. I really appreciate it!

Here are the pics, they all belong to me, If you would like to know what song a lyric is from, I will happily tell you:

Me 2 - Copy.jpg

SDC13606214 - Copy.jpg

SDC136321111 - Copy.jpg

SDC1363410024 - Copy.jpg
horsecrazygirl likes this.

Every girl wants their own LOVE STORY, I found mine... :)
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post #26 of 62 Old 02-24-2012, 03:55 AM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Germany- but not German =D
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Love Story, you know we're all here for you...

Reading through this thread, you can see that there are others on this forum that have also been through similair things to yourself, myself included, and I turned out all right in the end ;)- well, I'm slighty mad but don't tell anyone!

There is light at the end of the tunnel, and I found the cutting the hardest part to let go. Sometimes I still feel like picking up a pair of scissors and scraping the skin off my arms. But you learn to switch it off and focus on something else- and you have a great network of support around you and the best thing that has happened so far is that you've admitted to yourself that you need help. THAT is the first huge leap you have to make, and you did it!

I'm keeping an eye on you over here ;)

Keep us updated and big hugs being sent your way x
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post #27 of 62 Old 02-24-2012, 04:07 AM
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Wow, I'm here for ya! Been there, bullied, cutting and eating disorder that I still a and more recently struggle with! Know we are all sending you positive healing thoughts and I am hear if you ever need to vent.
Your very strong for sharing your story, I recently did the same with my adoption situation, it was hard, traumatic and eneded pretty ugly but I'm slowly getting past it and moving on Asa healthier person. I know I would have been 10x worse If it werent for my amazing mother and my horses! Iv never done drugs or had adrinking problem but very much self harmed my body in way I can't always cover up or erase.

You will come out the other side of this knowing so much more of who you are and hold on to your identy and be proud of it, I may not be proud of my past actions to myself but I am proud of who I am today and my values and beliefs in my life. Your a beautiful yung woman!!
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post #28 of 62 Old 02-24-2012, 04:20 AM
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Southern California
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First off, I am sorry to hear you are going through all of this, but I am so glad you are willing to get help and are talking about it. Secondly, that took GUTS to post all of this on a public forum and I applaud you for doing so. I am a very private person, and would never be able to find it in me to share something like that in so much depth. That is great you were able to do so, and I hope even more people of similar situations find this thread and are assisted positively by it.

It is so sad to hear about bullying these days, especially when it turns to physical injuries or suicide. It happens far too often and it is just so sad. I did a project/report on Homophobia for my Sociology class last semester and the news stories I read when working on the project were heart wrenching. People can be so evil and recieve no consequences in result. I have heard more and more stories about our local middle schools having issues with bullying and it is really disappointing. In first/second grade I was physically bullied (by a kid 3 times my size) and while I am barely affected by it now, it's still there. A friend of mine was severely bullied in highschool and did contemplate suicide. Thankfully that never happened and he was able to work through the negativity, and is now happy with his life.

Keep your head held high and know that there are always people out there who care.
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post #29 of 62 Old 02-25-2012, 12:17 AM Thread Starter
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Thank you for your ongoing support everyone, it means a lot...

I'm going to the rehab center today, and staying for a starting point of two nights, which may increase as they assess me and how bad my problems are. (I think it's very bad... I've been shaking all night.)

I went to my Youth group at church last night to spend some time with my friends, and I am allowed to take a picture or two with me, but no other contact to the outside world. This means I won't have my phone or any internet. My mom and friends are not even allowed to visit until they make their diagnosis. This is one of the pictures I'm going to take. It's me on the right, and my two best (only) friends. That is the first time I've smiled in ages:


Every girl wants their own LOVE STORY, I found mine... :)
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post #30 of 62 Old 02-25-2012, 01:12 AM
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Was in Ocala, Fl Now In West Union SC!
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As some one who as been there, and came near death multiple times, I'm here for you. I know how it feels, and I SOOOOOOO glad you are getting help. I was never alowed to get help, because my dad says they are all quaks. Depression runs on both sides of the family, I was almost doomed.

I've been able to manage it for the most part for the past 5 years, till I sold Sonador. It's getting really hard again. I'm fighting with my parents, and things just arn't going well. I've tried to talk to people, but I don't actualy have friends, and I never really have. I've had people use me, and thats it. Never really helped me at all.

Please keep us updaited on things :)

My name is now my horses on a dor not my horse sonador
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