I'm tired of this, any ideas?
 
 

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I'm tired of this, any ideas?

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        11-16-2008, 07:12 AM
      #1
    Foal
    I'm tired of this, any ideas?

    So, I have problems with my sister, and before you think it's just another 'sharing' or 'growing up' problem; here's the jist:


    I'm an independent person, I function alone from my family; I go to work to earn money for my pleasant little savings account AND to pay rent to my parents (16, not emancipated, pay rent and some utilities), I go to a project based learning school where I'm incharge of my own education, I've been told I'm a 'natural leader' and a good influence. I have great friends (consisting of the whole 71 other students in my school, we're all friends anyway lol)

    Here's where it breaks down; My sister, Sarah is 23 years old, unemployed, doesn't do work around the house, mooches off of me, doesn't pay a nickel for ANYTHING, pretends she doesn't understand the concept of responsibility, and acts like she's 4.

    I have to take her nearly everywhere I go, why? Because she's 'special' and her specialness isn't to a level where she isn't able to care for herself. She SHOULD be able to get a place with a friend or something, I don't see why she has to follow me around. Or why I have to take care of her.
    What's worse is, she likes to pretend she's incharge of me. Especially at renfaire, and then people think I'M worse than her because she goes around being a little ****** acting like it's okay. I KNOW she knows better, SHE KNOWS she knows better. I've gotten comments like "Is it me, or are you more mature than your sister." Or "We need to get you some help if she's really the one taking care of you"(Which is bull, because I take care of HER) people treat me like I don't know anything and don't take me seriously.

    I busted my *** to get where I am now, now how do I communicate it to Sarah that she needs to stop relying on ME and grow up a little, because I know for a fact she can, she doesn't have to act more mentally handicapped than she actually is. Infact, the condition shouldn't impede AT ALL. I also have to communicate to my parents (Who don't balance much at all) that I'm not looking after her anymore. They're home more often. They have more free time, they don't have a hundred things going on at once (Because a footballgame and drinking beer REALLY isn't that hard to lay off at least for a few hours.).


    I know what you're thinking 'that's kinda mean...' quite frankly, I don't care. I'm DONE. I want to graduate and I can't even do my homework because I always have to have Sarah on my case, pretending she's incharge of me or asking me to cook her something etc.
         
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        11-16-2008, 12:26 PM
      #2
    Started
    Wow you are paying rent to your parents at 16??? There is something really wrong with that considering they should be caring for you till you are 18.

    Have you ever tried having a "family" talk, you need to lay down how you feel and how you feel like you are taken advantage of. If things don't get better maybe you should go off on your own.. you seem like you have a good head on your shoulders and are mature enough to be on your own.

    Sorry if im not much help *hugs*
         
        11-16-2008, 12:36 PM
      #3
    Weanling
    Wow, I think you should talk with your parents and explain whats going on, point out that she should be the more mature one since she's older and if that doesnt work, stop cattering to her, stop doing whatever she says, and when she askes to go somewhere tell her your busy and she can hoof it. I would take some stuff and disapear, I know that you have school but maybe you can stay with a friend for a while because maybe when she realizes your not always going to be there she will be shoved into maturity...that sounds harsh but life is harsh
    Good luck!
         
        11-16-2008, 11:06 PM
      #4
    Started
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Caboose    
    So, I have problems with my sister,

    Here's where it breaks down; My sister, Sarah is 23 years old, unemployed, doesn't do work around the house, mooches off of me, doesn't pay a nickel for ANYTHING, pretends she doesn't understand the concept of responsibility, and acts like she's 4.

    I have to take her nearly everywhere I go, why? Because she's 'special' and her specialness isn't to a level where she isn't able to care for herself. She SHOULD be able to get a place with a friend or something, I don't see why she has to follow me around. Or why I have to take care of her.
    You do realize that your problem is with your parents and not your sister, right?

    I was the oldest of five. I was the responsible one. My siblings started resenting me as adolescents because I acted like a parent instead of a sibling. My mom worked and my dad left me with the other four while he worked in the garage.

    I'm the mom of two special needs kids. They are very bright. Intelligence may have little to do with ability to be independent. It sounds to me like you need to have a heart to heart with your parents. It may be helpful to take another adult with you.

    I would also suggest that you speak with a counselor. You sound so angry. I think it sounds like you've been given, and have been willing to take on, adult responsibilities. You sound like you're kind of saying, "hey, I'm not ready for this." You are not ready to be an adult; you should not be an adult yet either.

    Unless you're an experienced neuropsychologist and have given your sister extensive testing it's difficult for you to know how capable your sister may be. Again, I have a son who has very superior intelligence. He will never be independent. He's very bright. But that comes with its own downside. Imagine what it does to your self esteem if you know you'll never be independent. Imagine how it feels to see your much younger sister take care of you. Wouldn't you like to describe that situation in what you view as the natural order of things? If I was your sister I would describe the situation just as you said she does.

    Please speak with an adult about your situation. The special needs family is a difficult journey to navigate. I'd bet that everyone in your family could use some help with this journey. You get to decide how you react to this situation. You can be angry and hurt or you can grow and blossom. Look at all you've done. I'm betting you will use this experience to grow into a better person.

    Not everyone is blessed with a special needs family. Just the very blessed families are special!
         
        11-17-2008, 07:27 AM
      #5
    Weanling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Angel_Leaguer    
    Wow you are paying rent to your parents at 16??? There is something really wrong with that considering they should be caring for you till you are 18.

    *
    No true - at least not true the way I think you mean. It's not a free ride until you are eighteen. Your parents are supposed to make sure you have adequate food, shelter, and medical care. That's about it. As a minor, ALL monies, gratuities, possessions, etc belong to the adult.

    Many many households all the kids work as soon as possible ( even if cutting lawns with push mowers) and EVERY PENNY goes to the family account just to pay bills. Real bills - like keeping food on the table and the power on.

    As soon as you are working, you should contribute at least 33% of your income to the house, unless you are saving for school.

    LOL, now you understand how you parents feel when you whine and beg for every little useless thing.... to be paid for with their hard earned money. The frustration you feel is what every single teen goes through - minus the sister problem of course.

    You can't do anything about your sister. If it has been this many years, your parents are not going to change either. You must decide what you are going to do, and how, if sis has not out grown this behaviour by the time you are eighteen.
         
        11-17-2008, 10:34 AM
      #6
    Started
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by DashAwayAll    
    No true - at least not true the way I think you mean. It's not a free ride until you are eighteen. Your parents are supposed to make sure you have adequate food, shelter, and medical care. That's about it. As a minor, ALL monies, gratuities, possessions, etc belong to the adult.

    Many many households all the kids work as soon as possible ( even if cutting lawns with push mowers) and EVERY PENNY goes to the family account just to pay bills. Real bills - like keeping food on the table and the power on.

    .
    I mean if you are living there I agree with helping with chores (i did my fair share) but if they are charging you to live there, feed you, and keep your health it isnt right. I had to work a separate job to pay for my horses...tack, car, etc... but also helped with the beef and cutting wood for the winter, etc... A parent shouldnt expect you to pay at 16 in the sense of general care, they took that responsibility when they had you... if you want extras (clothes, car, going out, etc) that's when you need to pay. At 16 you should be worried about doing well in school not if you can make the rent.
         
        11-17-2008, 03:50 PM
      #7
    Foal
    I only pay rent for my room, as for food I either get it myself or my mother will let me cook ad I can earn my meal that way. As for clothes, one of my other older sisters (I have 3 of them including Sarah) takes me shopping when I go and visit her. Everything else (ie, internet use) is arranged by some sort of agreement or there's a fee involved (You could say my parents are greedy, but I suppose with the economy these days it's better for them, and it's preparing me for life!). I suppose a little gripe of mine that y'all probably don't care for/want thear is that Jen supports me a lot more than my own parents. Jen actually went to PTSC (Parent-teach-student-conference) with me when my parents were at a flyfishing assoc. Meeting. It was great! :)

    I agree though, the problem may very well be with mostly my parents. I've arranged to have a talk with them (and to have Sarah go out with Kelly and Chappa - family friends - at the time)

    We were informed at one point that the condition shouldn't have impeded her at all, she's very smart as well, and I'm sure there's a reason behind the way she behaves. Maybe she's scared? I'm not sure :/ If she is, is there something I can do to help wean her out of it?

    I haven't seen a single other Teen I know go through this same thing (which pisses me off) They're all spoiled brats that waste their money on bags of cheetohs and junk. I don't have a cellhpone (Which yes, quite literally, aside from one other person, nearly everyone I know has one. Infact, if people want to contact me they'll have to figure out WHERE I am. Which could be any job big or small that I have, the family shop, school, home.) I don't go to Disney Land every year or the movies every friday, and I certainly don't blow money on alcohol to go and party, though alcohol is just normal to me and not very epic like most teens seem to think out here.

    As for my health, that's a freebie, my family takes care of my medical needs and insurance (Unless I want a flu shot, they learned thst I LIKE those xD), my school is also very understanding of this situation and respect it. My principle even drove me to work once. I attend a charter school with an open learning style so it fits well with my schedule.



    Even after all that, I'm beginning to realize how lucky I am. I'm getting riding lessons on one of the world's most favorite breeds for only $20, with a trainer who will let me workd them off if I need to. I have some really great friends that can make me laugh and let me be with them. (And I belong to a stupendous forum where I can boldly ask question like what to do about my sister)
         
        11-17-2008, 04:06 PM
      #8
    Trained
    Ya know... It sounds like you have a really great handle on life for being as young as you are and as much as it may anger you about your family situation you are learning so very much!!!!!!

    We are always here and there are amazing and supportive people here from every walk of life. Feel free to vent and discuss your issues with us. You may not like what you hear...but most of the answers are thoughtful and caring.

    (BTW, My daughter is 14, no cell phone, no allowance, no movies every friday and I have never been to Disneyland either!!!) My kids have to do chores and help with the running of the house so they can understand life beyond the nest.

    They also have 2 horses, clothes(I decide the clothing budget and they must only buy approved clothes) 2 4wheelers that they can use ( with permission) and other perks of comming from a family that works together. Spoiled kids are just that...Spoiled. Lately there has been a push where spoiled seems like a good thing but it is not.

    Be strong and count your blessings. A lot of life lessons come from things that we don't understand. If we can learn to accept what is not going to break us...then we can weather the bigger storms of life.

    Keep doing a good job of taking care of yourself and don't let it get you too down. How many girls do you know that can cook, clean, work and take care of themselves??? I know it sure sounds like you can!!!! :)
         
        11-17-2008, 05:05 PM
      #9
    Started
    Do you have a counselor at school you can talk this stuff out with? I think it's great you earn your own money. I think you should pay for your extras. I am concerned that you pay for your own flu shot, rent, food, etc. I would far rather you save up money for your college costs. I would think that it would help for you and your parents to discuss your responsibilities and theirs and expectations of each of you have for your future.

    I agree that you're probably going to be much better prepared for life than many of your peers. You know life won't be handed to you on a silver platter. We don't NEED cell phones, a car for each person, cable, internet, etc. So many people confuse extras with needs.
         
        11-17-2008, 05:33 PM
      #10
    Foal
    I'm really glad you have a good handle on your kids and you don't let the riun around and do whatever you want! :) I'm so tired of the other here that think that the world revolves around them and they'll always have everything they want. Even though they're my friends, I just don't understand how they can think that way....

    My school currently does not have a counselor, but my principle has been willing to listen to me when I'm having a problem, as has our Social Studies advisor. Last time we had a real school counselor she mentioned calling CPS, getting a judge involved... all this unneeded stuff. I just needed someone to listen! Not more trouble! Lol.

    I'm not sure yet about college (I'm sure this sounds odd to you) I'm still deciding what I'll do with my life. ): There are so many options now, I would love to go to college and I've been looking heavily into scolarships but I'm still unsure of what I will major in, what I want to be... I kind of like the idea of becoming a Hazardous Materials technician. I was offered a position by a friend as an intern at IGN (a gaming company) which sounded really cool... Anyway, Ack! Getting so off topic!

    I'm so happy you guys have been willing to help! Thanks so much!
         

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