So my sisters friend might be bipolar. She lets call her M, has already been to the hospital at least once and taken a bunch of Tylenol with the intention of overdosing. I've heard my sister on the phone late at night begging her not to so anything "M I love you so much and I don't want you to hurt yourself" and then crying herself to sleep and then I start crying because I'm scared too, that this isn't something I can, protect her from and I know it's not my job to protect her from everything but she used to crawl into my bed when she had a bad dream and I'd chase away anyone who picked on her when we were kids and now...now I'm powerless to stop what hurting her. M is the sweetest thing, the world would not be the same without her.
A number of my friend have bad relationships with their parents/grand parents. A couple of them are verbally abusive and another's Dad has essentially chosen his wife over his daughter. One friend has depression and it's been bad lately we can call her N. I work with N at the ranch and she has been posting for prayer alot lately. And I pray for her and I feel better I know God will take care of her, he only gives us as much as we can handle but then she posts again or this little voice in my head says "but what if...what if she's not ok, what if she CAN'T handle it, what if this is more then she can handle?"
And then week 10, teen week at the ranch the girls from my friend cabin told me some of what was going on in their lives...and my heart broke, not sappy movie "my boyfriend broke up with me, woe is me" broke. We're talking me bawling my eyes out in the middle of prayer, my friend telling me that it's okay over and over again while she holds back her own tears and I think about how that day, I have to say goodbye to these girls and let them go back to these lives that broke my heart and when I've finally pulled it all together I go on Facebook, find out my friend broke his clavicle and even though he's fine I burst into tears again because even the slightest bad news, I can't handle at that point. It's been weeks since all of that but....the girls, those amazing, incredible girls who are going through things nobody should ever have to go through and going through them at 15-16 still face problems daily and though they turn to God and give their troubles to God, the problems are still there.........okay wow...,that was alot.....it scares me to admit that I'm struggliing, because I've always said everyone else does and I don't and it's not fair I only recently realized that yes I AM struggling because people I care deeply about are...and that hard for me to admit.
So thanks for listening...er reading.
And a side note in all these cases the proper steps to stop the situations have been taken. All procedures followed. Now it's just the emotional stuff...