Thanks everyone for your advice. I'd just like to clarify that none of this is affecting me and my life as much as my first post made it seem, I just couldn't sleep and like many people that set of my emotions and everything that's gone wrong around me these past few mo ths just became too much because I wa thinking about it all at once. That said this of you who pray I'd really appreciate your prayers. Thanks again.
Equestrianism; 10% luck, 20% skill, 15% concentrated power of will, 5% pleasure, 50% pain and 100% reason to remember you're absolutely insane to be riding a beast that big.