lack of parental guidance in today's kids? - Page 10 - The Horse Forum
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post #91 of 98 Old 08-24-2009, 02:55 PM
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Yeah I think that being over protective is a huge mistake
Trust your kids.
I left home at 16 because my parents were being way too over protective- aka the opposite effect they were hoping for.
Good lord, give your kids some breathing room, especially as they get into their teens! Please, I beg you.

I had so many rules, and even though I was a good kid before the rules, I turned into a bad one after they were put in place.

No matter what you do there comes a time when you can't oversee everything your kids do, no matter how hard you try their going to go behind your back.
I think its probably better to make them feel like they can be open with you and tell you what they're doing - whether that be something you like or not... rather than having all these rules in place that they aren't going to follow as soon as you turn around, and have them lie to you about what they're up to!

The only way to make them feel like they can trust you enough is to give them their privacy and let them come to you.
Monitoring their life and doing things like reading through diaries is not the way to establish a good relationship.
And if your child does open up to you and tell you something you don't want to hear(whether it be that they cheated in school, or that they aren`t a virgin!), DON'T REACT NEGATIVELY. It only reinforces the feeling that they need to lie to you to keep from being in trouble for things that THEY`RE GONNA DO NO MATTER WHAT. Talk with them about it, work things out in a positive way. BE OPEN.

All you can do is your best in giving them the skills, values and morals they need and then watch them grow up and see what they do with what you've given them.
I'm not saying you shouldn't guide them. I am just saying - restricting them from the world is going to do more bad then good in the long run.

I'm sorry for the rant. My parents were control freaks, and though I know it is because they love me, I still can't forgive them for how miserable they made me when I lived with them.

Last edited by cheply; 08-24-2009 at 03:03 PM.
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post #92 of 98 Old 08-25-2009, 03:22 AM
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^ I agree!!
Great post!
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post #93 of 98 Old 08-25-2009, 03:29 AM
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Great post Cheply! Very true.

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post #94 of 98 Old 08-25-2009, 03:42 AM
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I have Face Book, but so does my sister and both my parents. I got a mobile when I was 9/10 but it was only to be used in emergancy. Like when I was walking home with my older sister and she didn't have her phone on it. Now I use it for texting friends (rarely) and also when Im out with Chinga, I spend all day every day there unless Im at school. Although it isn't much use because most the time I can't find it or I don't have it on.

Sir Success. Eventer.
2000 - 2013,

Last edited by ChingazMyBoy; 08-25-2009 at 03:51 AM.
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post #95 of 98 Old 08-25-2009, 08:32 AM
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You know, there is a difference between parenting and controlling. Parenting to me is guiding with the goal of raising independent , self-sufficient, capable adults. Yes, that involves at a point in the child's development of trust and faith. Allowing them some room to make decisions, and if it was a less then wonderful one, suffering the repercussions of that decision.

Controlling to me is not allowing the child to develop into anything other than what you have predetermined he/she will be. Micro managing every little step no matter how small. This does not prepare the child for anything life will throw at them, and when they hit college, look out! Have actually seen (sister-in-law) this type of "parenting" when her oldest son went to college. She and her husband were on the computer tracking when he was on and when his classes were to determine if he made it to class and how late he was up. He flunked out his first semester. The colleges call these types of parents, "helicopter" parents, because they constantly hover over the child.

And lastly, no matter how great your parenting skills are, the child must be willing to meet you halfway. Myself and my 3 siblings were raised the same, values ect...My youngest brother (deceased) battled addiction for many years starting at the ripe old age of 10. My mother has never stopped beating herself up for "failing" him in some way. Doesn't matter what the rest of us say to her, she feels she failed him. Each child is different and some will meet you halfway and some will take a mile when you give an inch.

Parenting is not easy, but it is one of the most rewarding, frustrating, joyous and at times, yes thankless jobs out there. I am grateful to have experienced it and have 2 wonderful children. I am looking forward to watching our children raise the next generation and hope I am able to participate (even in a small way).
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post #96 of 98 Old 08-25-2009, 02:09 PM
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Walkamile, your last paragraph really touched me! 7-12 weeks (more along the lines of 10-12) I'll be a mommy and I can't wait!

I'm very interested to see how me and my husband are when we become parents and we are faced with some obstacles.
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post #97 of 98 Old 08-25-2009, 08:23 PM
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Originally Posted by appylover31803 View Post
Walkamile, your last paragraph really touched me! 7-12 weeks (more along the lines of 10-12) I'll be a mommy and I can't wait!

I'm very interested to see how me and my husband are when we become parents and we are faced with some obstacles.
I'm sure you will be just wonderful parents. Couple things to remember.

1. Always show a united front (disagree in private, never let them see division of troops)

2. There is nothing wrong with "tag team" parenting. When you have reached the end of your rope, tag your mate and take a time out. Better than losing your cool. If it doesn't involve broken bones or blood, it can wait a few minutes to be dealt with.

3. Remember to keep you sense of humor about you. Even if you have to wait till you're in bed, laugh at the antics that earlier you were ready to pull your hair out over.

4. Believe it or not, these are the best years of your life. Repeat as often as necessary to convince yourself!
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post #98 of 98 Old 08-25-2009, 08:30 PM
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And honestly if I even had the guts to tell my parents to f*** off, like half the kids in my school tell they're parents daily, my head would be rolling on the floor before I even got the first word out of my mouth. And NO my parents aren't abusive, that's just goes to show how well they disciplined me.

"And somewhere in the northwoods darkness a creature walks upright. And the best advice you may ever get is: Don't go out at night..."
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