lack of parental guidance in today's kids? - Page 3
 
 

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lack of parental guidance in today's kids?

This is a discussion on lack of parental guidance in today's kids? within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

     
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        08-18-2009, 11:41 PM
      #21
    Weanling
    To me you need to have a fine balance - allow your child some room to live their life, put out guidelines, but if they are broken become more strict until they do something to regain your trust. That's a fine line to walk, but to me you are leaning the better way by being strict than if you weren't.

    If you want to see what can go wrong with young girls, both because of other people and because of what troule the girls can get into themselves, just come with me to work one day. I don't know I will ever be able to let my girls out of my house. Remember the Dad in the movie 10 things I Hate about you? I can see me being the female version of him.
         
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        08-19-2009, 07:43 AM
      #22
    Super Moderator
    Also I think children need supervision. Even in my opinion it would be good if the 'level' of supervision depended on their age, maturity level and trustworthiness - I think it's a bit too much if you know all your almost adult kids' passwords & accounts (I don't mean you should let them be without any supervision but I also think they have a right of some kind of privacy - if you don't suspect there's something wrong with them). With younger or immature kids that password thing is ok and better to monitor more. And one of the most important thing - when they start on internet, instruct them well.

    As to cell phones, I actually think cell phones and kids are a great combination. This is perhaps a little cultural thing because over here almost everybody - no matter if you're a kid or grandpa - has a cellphone. For me it seems a great way to monitor your kid when he's not physically around and for him a great way to catch you or call help if he needs to, maybe keep in touch with a distant relative or friend sometimes. There are ways to block unwanted numbers & services from him, you can choose restricted number and set an account limit. Here again, instruct your children well how to use a cell phone and monitor it.

    Personally I took my first steps on internet when I was 11-12 but really started with it when I was around 13-14. My parents know almost nothing about internet so I've been pretty alone. Even if at first me and my friend surffed on a web at a local library where I think officials monitored us somehow. I got the web in my room when I was 15. I didn't do any bad mistakes then but I admit when I was younger I had some bad habits on the web. I'd have perhaps needed somebody to lead me and tell what to do and what not. I got my first cellphone when I turned 13 and think my parents did the right decision. Later when I started to stay home alone over weekends my parents demanded I had to stay available every time they needed and decided to call me.

    Just my two cents . On the other hand, I believe parents know their children best and therefore are the best people to rule how their children use things like these ones. And it's always better to supervise too much than too less.
         
        08-19-2009, 08:03 AM
      #23
    Started
    My parents don't supervise me I am nearly 15 and they trust me but they do know what all websites I am a part of and they think it is ok and they come up everyonce and a while and check on me to make sure everything is ok then they leave me alone I do not have a computer in my room but I am aloud it if I pay for it my self which I am saving up to do and they will still check up on me but not be there full time but I do respect what all the mothers on here are saying
         
        08-19-2009, 08:59 AM
      #24
    Green Broke
    My daughter is 13. She has a cell phone (provide and paid for by her father, but a huge benefit to me) and has accounts on both MySpace and Facebook as well as her own e-mail account. The catch, though, is that I reserve the right to review all call and text records at any time. I set up the MySpace/Facebook and e-mail accounts and, as such, have the passwords - which I use to review things at my discretion. The moment that password changes, all internet privileges are gone. On both pages, myself, my husband, her father, my mom, all three of my sisters and other assorted family/friends are her "friends" -- meaning there are a LOT of eyeballs on what she does/says (or, more to the point, what others are doing/saying) on her pages. The only computer in our home that has internet service is in the most open common room we have - visible from anywhere I might be when they are allowed online. She isn't texting 24/7, but she does have a few friends that she trades texts with on a fairly regular basis.
    Any and all privileges are subject to revocation, and she knows it. No system is 100% fool-proof, but it has worked for us so far.
         
        08-19-2009, 08:59 AM
      #25
    Started
    I'm almost 17 now (4 weeks until my birthday ) and have had my own computer and cellphone since I was 9-10 years old. The computer was mainly just for games, but I did have internet on it. I always told them where I was. As Tamma has already mentioned, almost everyone has a cellphone here. The only person I text with is my best friend and that is only because we are in different schools and I don't like calling people. I never answer unknown numbers and have never got weird text messages from random people. I don't know what I would do if I HAD to call my mom but didn't have a cellphone. My mom still knows what websites I visit (mainly here, some other forums, facebook and gmail.)
    I used to have a myspace but I really disliked it and will never use it again.
    I am allowed to have the computer in my room and my mom trusts me. I don't party, drink, smoke, e.t.c. Either. The internet and phone are both good for keeping in touch with people. For me it's my dad who lives in Thailand and my other best friend who lives in Turkey. I never tell where I live (except country) and I never share personal info, like cell number, etc.
    I would hate it if my mom knew my passwords.
         
        08-19-2009, 09:19 AM
      #26
    Weanling
    I don't have any kids but I just wanted to comment about this. I'm 25 and don't plan on having children anytime soon! I am scared to death of all the things that they can get into and have no clue what they are doing! I don't want to be an overbearing parent at all because my parents never were and never dictated my life I was always free to make my own choices and I made the right choices. Things aren't like they were 10-15 years ago and i'm sure in another 10-15 years it will change yet again! Parenting is the hardest job out there and a job i'm not ready for yet!!!

    The one thing that always pops in my mind is that TV show Dateline does "To Catch A Predator" that show freaks me out! If you have ever watched it you know what i'm talking about! SCARRY!
         
        08-19-2009, 09:28 AM
      #27
    Weanling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by themacpack    
    My daughter is 13. She has a cell phone (provide and paid for by her father, but a huge benefit to me) and has accounts on both MySpace and Facebook as well as her own e-mail account. The catch, though, is that I reserve the right to review all call and text records at any time. I set up the MySpace/Facebook and e-mail accounts and, as such, have the passwords - which I use to review things at my discretion. The moment that password changes, all internet privileges are gone. On both pages, myself, my husband, her father, my mom, all three of my sisters and other assorted family/friends are her "friends" -- meaning there are a LOT of eyeballs on what she does/says (or, more to the point, what others are doing/saying) on her pages. The only computer in our home that has internet service is in the most open common room we have - visible from anywhere I might be when they are allowed online. She isn't texting 24/7, but she does have a few friends that she trades texts with on a fairly regular basis.
    Any and all privileges are subject to revocation, and she knows it. No system is 100% fool-proof, but it has worked for us so far.
    The same goes for my daughter who will be 16 Monday, her friends on her myspace consist of me, her dad, her step-mom and my best friend. All of the others are her current/former classmates that she has known for years and I know their parents.
    I did get her a computer for Christmas last year, but as you said privileges are subject to being revoked should any passwords be changed or I see anything questionable.
    My youngest rarely ever asks for the computer if she does( she's 11) its to go on Disney or Nickelodeon websites or play games from CD.

    Neither have cell phones now although they have had but as a result of no fault of theirs they don't have one now. Since they are either at school or at home they don't really need one, I don't let them wander around town etc. like I see a lot of kids their ages doing.
         
        08-19-2009, 10:10 AM
      #28
    Green Broke
    I'd like to add to what I've already said that our parenting changes and shifts a little as the child grows and displays good judgement in decision making. The rules I enforced (sounds like a warden, lol) in my children's earlier years, where relaxed to a degree as they matured. Did I know where they were and who they were with and if there were parents there for supervision, you betcha! But they were not interrogated when they came home, though they both always enjoyed chatting with me (while I baked or ironed, it was easier for them so the entire focus wasn't on them, a little something I learnt from my Mom) about what they did ect...

    Each stage of maturity brought more responsibility to them and trust they earned from me. They were aware of this because I had explained it when they were young. Did they make some not so great decisions, of course. They also had to suffer the repercussions of that decision. That's how I as a parent helped them get ready for adulthood, college and independence. My goal was to raise self sufficient , independent, dependable and responsible adults. It starts from day one in very micro mini steps.

    I remember a particular lack of judgement on my sons part, I think he was 13/14, and afterward he knew that our trust was very badly bruised. The fact that he disappointed me was worse for him than the actual punishment.

    Along those lines he still remembers my saying before he'd leave to go to a function with friends, "Remember, you represent our family, our values and what we stand for." He would hear my voice when at a cross road, and sometimes (I am a realist) it would help him make a better decision. Even if he made a poor decision, he would say later, hearing my voice in his head took the fun out of it.

    I agree that when raising children you are not their friend, you are their parent. However, I had such fun with my children, though boundaries were always observed. Today, as adults, we are friends. They also look to their father and myself for advise ect... and that pleases me so. I try to always remember that there are certain subjects that I do not touch on, out of respect for them. Example, anything sexual, where my girlfriends and I can get quite over the top joking around, my children would be very uncomfortable, I am their mother after all.

    At the end of the day, it is on you shoulders whether or not you did the right thing by your children and for your children. So if you're going to lean a little more one way than another, chose the lean in the direction of safety. I've never heard a parent regret keeping their child safe. Have heard many wish they could step back and put the restrictions in place ect... I guess it comes down to "what are you willing to live with?"

    Sorry I went on so long. I am just passionate about being a parent, and now a grandparent! Oh, the fun that lays ahead!
         
        08-19-2009, 10:15 AM
      #29
    Green Broke
    Heybird, I think all kids should still say "yes ma'am/sir"! I also hate when my girls' friends call me by my first name. I was never allowed to address an adult by their first name, it was always Mr. Or Mrs.

    Quote:
    On the other hand, I believe parents know their children best and therefore are the best people to rule how their children use things like these ones.
    Quote:
    but I do respect what all the mothers on here are saying
    Thank you TaMMa89 and savvylover112, those were very mature statements.

    Themacpac and close2prfct, I like your "if the password changes" policy. I'm sure I'll loosen my grip slightly when she's 13. My 13 yo neice has a Facebook account and my brother is worse than I am!

    ClassicalRomantic, I saw that dateline show and made all my girls watch it too!

    Well said, Walkamile! I'm a very passionate parent too. After all, that's my current job!
         
        08-19-2009, 10:17 AM
      #30
    Weanling
    3neighs- Scarry stuff that's for sure! I was totally shocked! They have quite a few stories that they have done on that and they always end up catching like 30-40 men. Can you imagine that? Dr's, Lawyers, Military, you name it they were about to commit an act so indecent and that just makes me sick! The internet can be very dangerous that's for sure!
         

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