Letters to my animals - The Horse Forum

 
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post #1 of 5 Old 10-29-2011, 06:20 PM Thread Starter
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Letters to my animals

Dear indoor animals,

Yes the three of you, one cat, one JRT and one small Beagle, living indoors is a privilege not a right, so can we clear up a few things.

All of you, that big black leather object is MY couch, it has always been MINE, it was mine before any of you were born. I really don't mind sharing it, but it would help if you wouldn't all stretch out taking up as much space as possible, I am the human I choose where sit, you can take whats left, so cut out the hurt looks, swearing under your breaths and making yourself as heavy and floppy as possible when someone moves you.

There is a cold hard world outside here, today it is raining and snowing at the same time, while in here is is warm and there is a nice wood fire burning, if you wish to continue enjoying these comforts, then you need to do one simple thing...

KEEP THIS PLACE MOUSE FREE

If I see a little grey beastie trotting across the floor with no worries in the world again, you lot will discover how life without all these comforts.


========================================

One I wrote to Fancy a long time ago

Dear Fancy,

As promised here is written confirmation of the issues we discussed earlier.

1) I agree that the big rustly blue tarp that Jim and John had hang up as a wind break was a bit scary, and yes it was unfortunate that a gust of wind caught it just as my arse hit the saddle, but I do think that a simple O MY GOD WHAT'S THAT would have done, the full blown OH MY GOD IT'S GOING TO JUMP ON ME AND SUCK MY BRAINS OUT THROUGH MY NOSTRILS, was just a few degrees OTT

2) I was actually quite impressed with the way you left the yard, I realize that the deep black dark ditches that have been dug each side were dug without first getting Haflinger planning permission, and trying to walk down the middle of the road, occupying as small as space as possible was quite the right thing to do, and thank you for keeping moving forward at all times.

2a) When we return home from the ride, it really shouldn't be a shock that said ditches were still there, news update, they will be there every time we go out and in from now on.

3) One of the side affects of the diet I'm on is wind, get over it already, it's not like you don't fart yourself, so it's hardly a strange sound, there is no need to act like you've heard a shot everytime I do it, especially as it's a regular occurence.

4) Cows move, they spend some of their time at one end of the field and some at the other end, there is no need to stop for an inspection everytime they are in a different place.

5) It is totally NOT reasonable to shy at the elctricity box everytime we go out. It's there EVERY time we go out, it's always a big green box, with 4 red and white poles around it, never changes at all, get used to it.

Please consider the few points mentioned, it will make life more relaxing for both of us,

Thank you
================================================
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post #2 of 5 Old 10-29-2011, 06:23 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2008
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HAHAHAHAHA that was awesome GH!

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post #3 of 5 Old 10-29-2011, 08:24 PM Thread Starter
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2nd fur family note of the day

Beagles cannot climb trees, OK lets be fair they can sort of climb UP trees what they definitely can't do is climb DOWN trees. The cat however can both climb up and down trees, it can also climb up one tree, jump to another and laugh at said Beagle being stuck.

Beagles also have a doggy door to use, it is designed for dogs, the cat flap is designed for cats, and while I am actually impressed that you got through it, as you have found you can't get any further, that's because the cat can jump through her door, walk down the basement stairs, turn sharp left jump through the rails, and back into the house, Beagles can't!!
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post #4 of 5 Old 10-30-2011, 05:33 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Chicago
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Love the letters! I may need to write a letter to my cat outlining why its annoying when he lies HORIZONTAL on the bed as to give me and the hubby as little room as possible.
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post #5 of 5 Old 10-30-2011, 05:58 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2009
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Very funny! :)

Horses are scared of two things... Things that move and things that don't.
Ray MacDonald is offline  
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