Life Isn't Working Out, Need Outside Advice
 
 

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Life Isn't Working Out, Need Outside Advice

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        10-18-2013, 05:11 AM
      #1
    Yearling
    Life Isn't Working Out, Need Outside Advice

    I won't go in to massive detail here, but I'm having difficulties finding a place to live. Honestly, this shouldn't be an issue as I am gainfully employed, quiet, have good references and am generally an easy tenant to have. The main issue is the two cats that come with me, and as a result I always get put on the backburner in comparison to people without pets. Anyways, I digress. I've had to move thrice this year due to complications. The first move was in to an "ideal situation", then having that friendship with those landlords dissolve due to their disrespect, then in with a roommate who turned in to a total flake and cost me a lot of money, then in to where I am now, begrudgingly, which is my father's house.
    I moved out of my father's house four years ago because he's pretty difficult to be around. The house is filthy, he is nearing hoarder levels and he uses drugs. Unfortunately, it was living here or in my car. Before I came here he and I discussed the issue of compensation, and I offered to pay his dog's vet bills and refinish the walls etc (both of which desperately need done), and compensating for the extra utilities in lieu of paying rent.
    In addition, I'm in the process of saving money to move 4500 km away, to a city I'll actually enjoy and that will benefit me, and this stay is only temporary, until next July maximum. My father is aware of all this.
    Last night, going back on his word, he asked me to pay rent while staying here.
    This is me grouchy, and perhaps immaturely, wanting to tell him to stuff it, as I'm all of 19 and have saved him the trouble of raising me, nevermind supporting me, since I was 15. Even here, I'm happy to provide my own food and utilities, all I'm requesting (and what was initially agreed to) was a roof over my head.
    After talking this over with a friend, one possible scenario struck a cord with me- that was to move well before my planned date. As in for December or January. It would be tight for me financially, but I could arrange it so that I had 1-2 months frugal living expenses upon arrival, after paying for the move itself. It wasn't the cushion I was hoping for, but this way, I would only have to deal with the really awesome super fun things that transpire in this "home" until then.
    Any thoughts? Feel free to PM me as well.
    Thanks in advance.
         
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        10-18-2013, 06:56 AM
      #2
    Showing
    Never make friends with a male landlord. They get this idea you are on the make. Even the married ones. Strictly business.
    boots, DimSum and Roux like this.
         
        10-18-2013, 01:33 PM
      #3
    Yearling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Saddlebag    
    Never make friends with a male landlord. They get this idea you are on the make. Even the married ones. Strictly business.
    I think you've misunderstood somewhere along the line. If you're referring to the friendship I had with the previous landlords, they were a couple that I'd been close with for 11 years prior to living in their carriage house. If you're referring to my current situation, this is my father we're talking about. I'm quite content to keep business matters business, for many reasons, but above all because I enjoy being left well enough alone. Sorry for not communicating that effectively enough.
         
        10-18-2013, 01:38 PM
      #4
    Teen Forum Moderator
    I don't have any advice for you as I still like with my parents (I'm 17) but I just thought I'd pop in and say I'm sorry that you've had to deal with all of this. I can't imagine supporting myself at 15. You're very strong to have done as well as you have.

    I really hope that things work out for you and that you find a permanent place to live, and for what its worth- I'll be praying and rooting for you! ^_^
         
        10-18-2013, 01:39 PM
      #5
    Trained
    Many people are not able to find a job after two months of looking. What's your plan for money? How will you get a place to live without a job(places around me require proof of income before they will let you sign a lease). What are your backup plans?
    Posted via Mobile Device
         
        10-18-2013, 01:48 PM
      #6
    Trained
    Correct me if I am wrong aspin but it seems you want your father to treat you as a adult and yet you want to live rent free in his house to save money.
    I also sense anger toward your father about his drug use and living conditions.
    That's understandable. However using his lack of parental skills as an excuse to not pay rent is not realistic.
    Again if I missed something forgive me.
    I think we are also seeing a pattern of behavior here . Repeatedly moving in with others that are not stable well adjusted adults.
    You need to break that habit before moving away or else you will repeat the cycle again and you and the cats will be living in your car.
    If you cannot afford to move now pay rent and negotiate how much with your father. Treat him as you would any land lord. Save your money and move.
    Good luck. Shalom
    DimSum likes this.
         
        10-18-2013, 01:49 PM
      #7
    Yearling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by DancingArabian    
    Many people are not able to find a job after two months of looking. What's your plan for money? How will you get a place to live without a job(places around me require proof of income before they will let you sign a lease). What are your backup plans?
    Posted via Mobile Device
    I genuinely hope I'd be able to find work, as fortunately I'm planning this move to a true city, and business is booming. Initially, I'd also not be picky; anywhere would truly be fine. In the off chance that I couldn't find employment, which I do doubt, There is the unlikely possibility (if all else fails) to be on welfare, or to apply for a loan. Also, in Canada, landlords can't ask for proof of income, as any legal income is valid, be it employment or welfare. Though I know it's somewhat irrelevant, I feel the need to tell that I have never been on welfare before, nor do I ever want to be.

    I really do realize it isn't ideal, but living here, the only upside is that I do have a job... nothing else is working. I legitimately cannot find an affordable place to live. So either I have no home here... or no job there. I'm screwed either way in that department.

    I'm also considering re-establishing my ebay and etsy for another source of income, which is a possibility, though it would more extend my savings than supply a livable salary.

    Thanks for the thoughts.
         
        10-18-2013, 01:55 PM
      #8
    Green Broke
    If you can tolerate the human relationship aspect of your current situation with your dad and you feel you (and your cats) are safe now, then it becomes making the decision that is most helpful setting up for your future. I understand what you are saying about past issues with your dad but with a view to being a bit on the mercenary side, a nice little savings account is very helpful when you're making your way in the world. If you haven't already, do a financial analysis to help determine what it is better for you in the long run and then it becomes a) stay where you are, pay the surprise rent and save up or b) make the move early with all its intendant unknown financial surprises but less family angst.

    Best of luck with everything.
         
        10-18-2013, 01:59 PM
      #9
    Yearling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by dbarabians    
    Correct me if I am wrong aspin but it seems you want your father to treat you as a adult and yet you want to live rent free in his house to save money.
    I also sense anger toward your father about his drug use and living conditions.
    That's understandable. However using his lack of parental skills as an excuse to not pay rent is not realistic.
    Again if I missed something forgive me.
    I think we are also seeing a pattern of behavior here . Repeatedly moving in with others that are not stable well adjusted adults.
    You need to break that habit before moving away or else you will repeat the cycle again and you and the cats will be living in your car.
    If you cannot afford to move now pay rent and negotiate how much with your father. Treat him as you would any land lord. Save your money and move.
    Good luck. Shalom
    The not paying rent here was pre-arranged before arriving, and also in exchange for other things, such as paying the vet bills and home renos. Him asking for rent in addition to me paying for those things is superfluous and not what was agreed to.
    Also, as far as renting goes, the only shared living situation I've ever been in since cohabiting with my ex-boyfriend was in my last house, with a roommate. Otherwise my rentals have been just me renting a suite, never a room or a situation that should make me uncomfortable.

    I will not be repeating the cycle, thank you. I intend to find gainful employment, and enjoy living in a city that provides affordable rent and is happy to allow cats. To give you an idea for rental costs, a bedroom here in a shared house, allowing students only (which is illegal), non-smoking, no pets, no parties, often runs above $700/month; anything allowing more space (such as a bachelor pad etc) or allowing pets you can count on being more expensive. Unfotunately, paying that and saving money simultaneously is not fiscally possible. What that's leaving me with is the option of being stuck here, or moving with less than planned.

    Thanks for your thoughts.
         
        10-18-2013, 02:04 PM
      #10
    Yearling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Chevaux    
    If you can tolerate the human relationship aspect of your current situation with your dad and you feel you (and your cats) are safe now, then it becomes making the decision that is most helpful setting up for your future. I understand what you are saying about past issues with your dad but with a view to being a bit on the mercenary side, a nice little savings account is very helpful when you're making your way in the world. If you haven't already, do a financial analysis to help determine what it is better for you in the long run and then it becomes a) stay where you are, pay the surprise rent and save up or b) make the move early with all its intendant unknown financial surprises but less family angst.

    Best of luck with everything.
    Those were the exact numbers I had the calculator out for last night, thank you. Either is a possible scenario, and putting aside emotions, it's more so a matter of how much and often my father will ask for rent, as we had already agreed to alternate compensation and knowing him rent will leak above a fixed amount.
    That said, I've been here 13 days and am already quite nonplussed about it, so even if everything goes perfectly, I'm not sure I'd make it to my intended date regardless.
    Cheers.
         

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