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Long, but could use some impartial advice

This is a discussion on Long, but could use some impartial advice within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

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        08-07-2012, 12:47 AM
      #11
    Trained
    Time to think about #1 here. Quit giving your stuff to ungrateful jerks, stop helping out peops who need to get off their own butts & help themselves, quit making yourself unhappy to make others lives easier. Do it whatever way you can! Stop doing stuff that makes you unhappy & only do things that make YOU happy, the rest of the world will survive. Life is not a dress rehearsal, we only get one stab at it, make the most of what you got left.
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        08-07-2012, 01:57 AM
      #12
    Showing
    Those weren't friends... those were taking you for granted.

    I understand where you come from, but you were too nice. You have a beautiful soul but you kept giving them fish instead of teaching them to fish. There is a difference. Giving them fish means you are making them rely more and more on you. Teaching them to fish.. you have taught them how to get their own fish and they're likely to stick around and appreciate your help.

    It's a tough lesson to learn, but you need to stand your ground. I cannot imagine how tired and weary you must feel.
    Speed Racer and SpiritLifter like this.
         
        08-07-2012, 06:50 AM
      #13
    Banned
    Haha...I didn't realize who you were till you posted your picture as your avatar...

    Unfortunately it is a sad fact of life that life-long relationships, whether they be family or friends, ave become increasingly rare. There are a lot of reasons for it...we have become so mobile that it has become unusual for families and friends to live in the same place all their lives; we have become an activity-based society where we seem to have the need to be involved in all kinds of things and don't devote nearly enough time to family and friends; and, of course as a society we have become increasingly self-centered. That is all fine I guess if you are young and were raised that way, but those of us that are older often feel empty and lonely like something is missing. I suspect that, even though they were raised differently, younger people today may feel the same way when they get older. As we get older we wake up and understand what life's true priorities are - we realize family and friends are more important than having fun or satisfying our instant gratification urges.

    I don't really have any advice. What I do is take comfort in what I have done for others, whether they appreciate it or not or whether they show their appreciation. In my old age, which in my case is scary close, I will be able to look back with satisfaction - sort of like an anonymous donor that, although he/she doesn't receive accolades for what they have done, can take pride and satisfaction for what they have done for others. I have come to learn that once we are older, how we feel about ourselves and the life we have led is the key to contentment. A productive, successful, and satisfying life is not quantified by the money we have, the house we live in or car we drive, or how big our TV is, but rather the footprint we have left while we are here and how we have affected the lives of others...
    Silent one likes this.
         
        08-07-2012, 07:03 AM
      #14
    Trained
    Being a co dependent as your post says that you are be careful with joining any organized religion right away.
    Prayer is good but it will not cure you.. You can use it as a means of support or you can allow you codependency to continue in the church.
    Until I did an assesment or saw your medical records I could not give you myu opinion.
    Ask your DR and be open about this.
    You IMO have a very low self esteem that needs to be addressed.
    That just my oinion from the post no professional diagnosis.
    Anti depressants and cognitive behavioral therapy work well in cases like these. Good luck.. Shalom
         
        08-07-2012, 07:32 AM
      #15
    Showing
    Silent, I'm really sorry. Some people like to use others (no thank you and only getting more demanding with time). Just reality of life.

    I'd just leave it all behind and look into something new: may be new hobby, find trail riding groups or just partners to get out on trails with, get more involved in activities in the church (if you are religious), help in rescue, etc.

    You still have so many opportunities in life! Just look at it positively!
         
        08-07-2012, 09:03 AM
      #16
    Weanling
    I am so grateful for all your responses and support, thank you all so much. I'm trying really hard to gain insight into my own behavior and what has happened. I looked into co-dependency on the internet and found that I could answer Yes to about 65% of the questions asked, so maybe that is something to look into.

    I am not really depressed right now. I have a problem in that I am bi-polar, but it has been well under control for several years now due to a wonderful doctor who monitors my meds and condition responsibly. But it does mean there are probably underlying issues in my life.

    My conflict now is, if I am co-dependent, I will have to find a way to align that with my Christian beliefs, which are strong. I have been a Christian for many, many years. I know that Jesus told us to forgive 70 times 7. Love your enemy. If a friend asks for a shirt, give him your coat. Turn the other cheek. If someone asks you to walk a mile, walk two.

    I have tried to live by these concepts to the best of my ability, and have never considered before that what I am doing might be some kind of mental illness? This will require some deep thinking to resolve. I am going to see if I can find a Christian psychologist in my area that might help me.
         
        08-07-2012, 10:54 AM
      #17
    Yearling
    After all your giving to others, a little enlightened selfishness would not be a bad thing. It's good that you realize the source of your impulse to give to others. Now you need to give to yourself. Give yourself permission to say "no." Give yourself permission to put yourself first. Enjoy your life without constantly thinking of others. They'll survive. Find friends that don't want anything from you....Those will be real friends.
         
        08-07-2012, 11:03 AM
      #18
    Showing
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Silent one    
    I have tried to live by these concepts to the best of my ability, and have never considered before that what I am doing might be some kind of mental illness? This will require some deep thinking to resolve. I am going to see if I can find a Christian psychologist in my area that might help me.
    Christ never expected anyone to help others to the detriment of themselves.

    If you don't care for yourself first, you'll be unable to care for others properly. It's NOT okay to ignore your own needs for those of other people.

    Being a slave and martyr is not the same thing as giving of yourself. The first only burns you out and makes you hate people. The second is taking yourself into consideration and knowing when to say 'enough'.

    We need to know how to love ourselves and realize we're as deserving as anyone else. If you have no self esteem, you're always going to be downtrodden and taken advantage of. Time to break the cycle of abuse, because that's exactly what it is. You're abusing yourself, and allowing others to do it as well.

    I wish you luck in finding yourself, and finally learning that you have as much worth as anyone else.
         
        08-07-2012, 12:51 PM
      #19
    Weanling
    Having a Christian counselor who shares my core beliefs has been a HUGE help for me. I would definitely recommend looking for one in your area.

    Your 'emotional well' has run dry - and once that happens, it's hard to get it full again. It takes a long time and a lot of investing in yourself. What makes you feel renewed? For me, painting, writing, spending time with my horses, and the support of a few 'real' friends have helped immensely.
         

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