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  • Horses have ruined our marriage

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    04-26-2013, 09:26 AM
  #21
Weanling
Made me think of this....

old people.jpg
     
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    04-26-2013, 10:26 AM
  #22
Super Moderator
I am in my 60s and still to young to get married!!!!

When I think back to my long ago youth and the boys I dated - even being certain that he was the one, I am glad I never wed.
     
    04-26-2013, 10:34 AM
  #23
Teen Forum Moderator
I'm just slightly younger than you OP...I won't be 18 until December though.

IMO you're being wise to not want to get married immediately. Marriage is a huge thing, and rushing into it can cause a lot of needless worry. Wait until
You have a good grip on adult life. Nate can get a steady job once he gets out of the service ...maybe he can even take advantage of some of their free education if he stays in long enough? That's how my mom got her nursing degree. Meanwhile you can learn how to be independant before having to be dependant again (not necessarily a bad thing, but hopefully you get my drift), invest in a good car, maybe continue your education or get a steady job yourself, and just spend a little time being 'just you'. Ideally marriage is forever, so this is the might be the one chance in your life to experience being completely independant, and not needing to worry about your new family. Don't rush adulthood ;) in my personal opinion, marriage works best when two people are independant and capable of caring for themselves, then they combine to take care of each other and their children as their family grows. Otherwise it just turns into a penny-scraping, extremely frustrating, exhausting job that quickly grows old.


I actually personally haven't dated at all because I don't feel like I, or any of the guys I know, are ready... though my mom pressures me to do so quite often. I can't even invite a few friends that include a guy to my house or to the movies without her and my sister poking at me going 'do you like him? Huhuhuh?!' 'wouldn't he make a GREAT boyfriend/husband?' It gets old. So, in a way, I sort of know how you feel? LOL. If you've been lucky enough to find a guy that isn't as immature and idiotic as the ones that I know, that's amazing, and you want to do all that you can to give the two of you the best odds possible. And that probably does mean waiting while you 'get on your feet' so to speak :)


Best of luck to you!
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    04-26-2013, 11:14 AM
  #24
Green Broke
Quote:
Originally Posted by Endiku    
I actually personally haven't dated at all because I don't feel like I, or any of the guys I know, are ready...
This sounds like my daughter.. she doesn't think she or any of her friends are mature enough to be dating.

She DOES have quite a few friends.. that are guys. I think that is such a healthy way to start.
Endiku likes this.
     
    04-26-2013, 01:50 PM
  #25
Green Broke
There's an old saying around these parts.....

Marriage is a great commitment to a fine institution.


Now the real question you've got to ask yourself is, are you ready to be committed to an institution?

One thing to consider as well, it's much cheaper to get married than to get divorced.....
     
    04-26-2013, 02:59 PM
  #26
Foal
Quote:
Originally Posted by Endiku    
I'm just slightly younger than you OP...I won't be 18 until December though.

IMO you're being wise to not want to get married immediately. Marriage is a huge thing, and rushing into it can cause a lot of needless worry. Wait until
You have a good grip on adult life. Nate can get a steady job once he gets out of the service ...maybe he can even take advantage of some of their free education if he stays in long enough? That's how my mom got her nursing degree. Meanwhile you can learn how to be independant before having to be dependant again (not necessarily a bad thing, but hopefully you get my drift), invest in a good car, maybe continue your education or get a steady job yourself, and just spend a little time being 'just you'. Ideally marriage is forever, so this is the might be the one chance in your life to experience being completely independant, and not needing to worry about your new family. Don't rush adulthood ;) in my personal opinion, marriage works best when two people are independant and capable of caring for themselves, then they combine to take care of each other and their children as their family grows. Otherwise it just turns into a penny-scraping, extremely frustrating, exhausting job that quickly grows old.


I actually personally haven't dated at all because I don't feel like I, or any of the guys I know, are ready... though my mom pressures me to do so quite often. I can't even invite a few friends that include a guy to my house or to the movies without her and my sister poking at me going 'do you like him? Huhuhuh?!' 'wouldn't he make a GREAT boyfriend/husband?' It gets old. So, in a way, I sort of know how you feel? LOL. If you've been lucky enough to find a guy that isn't as immature and idiotic as the ones that I know, that's amazing, and you want to do all that you can to give the two of you the best odds possible. And that probably does mean waiting while you 'get on your feet' so to speak :)


Best of luck to you!
That's pretty much how I feel about the whole thing. Unfortunately, since there have been budget cuts in the U.S. Military, they don't offer the free education anymore. In fact, the Marines don't even get served breakfast anymore. Luckily, he's already been through college, and his GPA was a 4.0.
The reason why we are dead broke is because he is paying off his student loans right now. Lol
Whenever he is in the Army, I will definitely have to be more independent, but that's fine. It's just another part of life, and the way I see it, it will just make us that much closer when he comes back.
A long time ago, I promised myself that I would never get divorced. I had such a horrible experience with my parents getting divorced, I don't want to put any of my family members through that again. Both sides of my mom's family are practically known for getting divorced. I want to be the one that gets married and stays married.
That's why I want to take things slow and not rush into anything. I feel like if we rush into marriage, we'll just regret it in the long run.
aforred and DancingArabian like this.
     
    04-26-2013, 06:15 PM
  #27
Teen Forum Moderator
Well darn! I actually didn't know that xD Good on him for having already done college though. That shows maturity in itself, IMO.

In that case, maybe just wait until loans aren't so high and you guys have a firm foothold just in case something expected comes up (babies? XD)

It sounds to me like you have a very good head on your shoulders :)

Texasgal- that's what I think too. Why would someone think they could handle an intimate relationship if they can't even handle friendships half of the time? I love my guy friends as friends, and one I'm even close enough to call my 'adopted brother' but there is no way that I could see myself dating, much less married to any of them...not yet anyways!
     
    04-26-2013, 07:14 PM
  #28
Foal
Quote:
Originally Posted by Endiku    
Well darn! I actually didn't know that xD Good on him for having already done college though. That shows maturity in itself, IMO.

In that case, maybe just wait until loans aren't so high and you guys have a firm foothold just in case something expected comes up (babies? XD)

It sounds to me like you have a very good head on your shoulders :)

Texasgal- that's what I think too. Why would someone think they could handle an intimate relationship if they can't even handle friendships half of the time? I love my guy friends as friends, and one I'm even close enough to call my 'adopted brother' but there is no way that I could see myself dating, much less married to any of them...not yet anyways!
Thank you! :)
I've never dated a guy that I wasn't friends with first. My first boyfriend was my absolute best friend ever since 2nd grade. When we started dating, it never really did work out, and we just remained friends after that. His new girlfriend is absolutely amazing, and I can't think of anyone better for him.

My second boyfriend was one of my friends, as well. Once we started dating, I found out that he was a cheating ba*tard and dumped him. Needless to say, it ruined our friendship & to this day I still don't talk to him, but I did show up to his graduation. It's weird though, because he's engaged now, and his fiance and I actually get along quite well.

My third boyfriend was my friend at first, and he asked me out on Valentine's Day. We only dated for about 3 months and then broke up because we realized that we were better off as friends. 4 years later, and he's still one of my favorite people. I just can't say enough good things about him..I'm playing matchmaker for him right now. The girl who he's currently dating is a cheating bi*ch, and that makes me fighting mad.

Nate and I were friends at first, too. But he flirted quite a bit, so it wasn't long until we we started dating..We went through a lot of crap to be together, but we've been going strong for almost 3 years now. :)
     
    04-26-2013, 09:00 PM
  #29
Weanling
You're 17 and people are asking you about getting married? That's crazy!!

Even if you're in a steady and mature relationship (which it sounds like you're in) very few people know what they want to do with the rest of their life or be when they're 18. Not saying this will happen, but people change. People grow a lot in their early twenties - often, people are just finding out who they really are.

Clearly you've put a lot of thought into it, and it sounds like you know where you stand on the issue for now, and I applaud you. You have the foresight to see all of the things that come with marriage besides a husband

I've seen enough young couples throw themselves into marriage too early and seen enough mid-life crises ruin marriage, even at my age (16) to have much faith in marriage vows anymore. Glad someone sees that marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commitment and decisions about it shouldn't be taken lightly.
plomme likes this.
     
    04-26-2013, 09:35 PM
  #30
Started
I think you are very wise to wait, and I agree with telling people you are waiting until he comes back from the army. Should be good enough to keep their mouths shut.

But wow, where I live the mentality is quite the opposite! If someone asks an 18 year old when they're getting married, they'll get a funny look and be considered crazy. My cousin is 19 and extremely mature and she was lucky enough to meet the love of her life last year (whose also 19). They are both in college, although my cousin studies half the year and then works the other half for the government (a simple clerk job) to have money for school and what not. They are getting married this summer and many of her friends are against it (she's lost many friendships due to this), but they are both ready for it in every way. My sisters are also not too happy about it, but it's because they don't know her as well as I do since I have spent much more time with her (we are the same age, but my sisters are 10-11 years older than us).

Anywho... they're probably all asking because they are in the mood for a nice celebration and some good food and dancing.
     

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