Mom Issues *Rant* - The Horse Forum
 
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post #1 of 5 Old 07-25-2009, 05:51 PM Thread Starter
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Mom Issues *Rant*

I know there are some (or maybe a lot of) mothers out there who have trouble letting their kids go but this is just ridiculous. And I apologise if this isn't very well put or doesn't make sense but then it is a rant.

My sister is 22 and she wants to move in with her boyfriend who she's been with for 6 years. They are both very responsible, have planned this out well, know where they want their relationship to go, etc. She talked to my dad about it and he agreed it sounds like a good plan. Well then she talked to our mom about it and everything feel apart. She got all upset and told my sister she has to have permission to move out. She's 22 and she can't move out because mommy won't let her!! What is that!!?!?!

But it goes beyond not being able to let us grow up. It's like my mom has this image in her head of how the perfect children should be and she spends all of her time trying to guilt us into being that perfect kid. She'll see some kids on TV who do all these chores and are all happy about it and they do everything their parents tell them and all this stuff and she gets mad and asks why her kids can't be good like them. She thinks everything we do is aimed at her so every time we do something she doesn't like she gets all upset and claims we're doing it because we don't love her. Like when I got my tattoo she thought I did it because I was rebeling against her when really it had absolutly nothing to do with her! And then she decided to ignore me for about a week. Literally ignore me. I would ask her soemthing and she would just not answer me, and hwne I was in the room with her she'd act like I wasn't there. And she'll do that if we ask her something she doesn't like. She'll just not answer and expects us to just give up and go away.

My mom has pretty bad depression. She's never happy and while I feel bad for her she acts like its our fault she's not happy. It's not our fault. We've all tried so hard for so long to make her happy but nothing ever works. I'm just so tired of this. This is only a small part of the stuff she does. There are tons of other little things everyday that she does that are jabs at us and I'm sick of it. If anyone has any advice or anything to say go for it. I just really neede to get this out of my system. The whole thing with my sister moving out happened to day and I just feel so bad for her because she was so excited and my mom had to go and ruin it.
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post #2 of 5 Old 07-25-2009, 11:59 PM
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You mother sounds EXACTLY like my mother! I love her to peices but sometimes she just needs to let go. She get so upset if things don't go her way and she will start a huge fight if I don't agree with everything she says...

It's tough, I'm a parent now and I know I will NEVER act like that... It seems to me that mothers that suffer with depression are like this.
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post #3 of 5 Old 07-27-2009, 12:14 AM
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It sounds like to me that your mother has "center of the universe complex" (it's not a real disease...it's what I tell my kids they have when I think they are being selfish ) and a lot of control issues. I really hope for you and your sisters sake that she is just upset right now and once she has had time to think about the situation, she will be more supportive. Judging from your description alone, I don't think there is anything you can say to your mother about this situation that she won't find offensive or take personally. I think the best person for you to talk to is your sister. Be very supportive and encourage her to make her own decisions. Let her know that you think she is doing the right thing. You may even be able to help her rekindle some of her excitement. Try not to be to hard on your mother, she loves you and parents make mistakes too.
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post #4 of 5 Old 07-28-2009, 11:32 PM Thread Starter
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Yeah there's really nothing we can do. I'm trying to support my sister but it's really getting to her. I think she's going to push the move back a few months.
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post #5 of 5 Old 07-29-2009, 03:39 AM
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My mother dealt with depression for a very long time and still does from time to time. I can completely empathize with you when you talk about how your mother says that you and your sister do things "because you don't love her." My mother used to do that all the time.

Honestly, she just wanted to hear us say that we loved her. Yeah, it got old. But she just needed the extra support and the extra loving words. Did she go about it the right way? No. Did it make us feel good? No. But every action has a reason, either conscious or subconscious. This is one of those subconscious ones.

It does also sound like your mom has some control issues, and for that, you might have to use some reverse psychology. Say, your mom says your sister can't move out. You sister could say, "I was really hoping you'd help us decorate, Mom. I really love you sense of style, and this will be my first time decorating a home."

Suddently, Mom is in control again - or so she thinks. You sister has given Mom a task - but has also used the words 'will be,' insinuating that she's moving out whether Mom helps decorate or not.

Obviously you can adopt the situation to meet your needs. The bottom line is, your sister is an adult, and she can do what she wants. Your mom might pout a bit, but... there isn't anything she can do. As long as your sister is paying for everything, she doesn't need you mom's permission. Eventually, your mom will see that her kids are growing up.

With people who like to be in control, you just have to remember this: make your idea their idea. If they think they have the upper hand, you can't lose.

Good luck, hope everything works out.
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