Monday was horrible!! - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 26 Old 08-16-2011, 03:30 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Alwaysbehind View Post
What you are now describing does not fit into what I would consider not extravagant.

Hire a catering company who will take care of the dishes and linens for you. Some I would guess might also do the tables.

Well, i dont find it exrtavagant at all. I mean, we arent talking pizza and beer (no offense to anyone) but we arent talking near a $20k wedding either, which is cheap compared to what most spend!
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post #12 of 26 Old 08-16-2011, 03:32 PM
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Originally Posted by LetAGrlShowU View Post
MLS- there is a lot more to planning than just having a place to stand or sit. I have to bring in tables, chairs, china, caterers, bartenders, linens, lighting- those are only the foundation for the reception, then you have to do the same for cocktail hour and decor for ceremony. I know I COULD do it, but its just beginning to feel like a wedding is a hassle. But marriage isnt. I'd be happy with a small ceremony in the mountains followed by light dinner and dancing with only our immdiate family and matron of honor.

If you pick the right caterer, they might be able to supply the dishes, and should have wait staff able to serve alcohol. That's 3 in one shot!

Tables, chairs and linens could also be found at one vendor as well.

If you use a tent, the tent company might supply lighting, or know who does do lighting, and give you references to several companies.


If what you want is only a small ceremony, with a light dinner, then do it. This is your day, and you should be able to have it how you want.

It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows. --Epictetus
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post #13 of 26 Old 08-16-2011, 03:33 PM
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To me that seems pretty fancy.

Maybe that is the communication issue you were having with your wedding planner. Your idea of not extravagant and what she thought you wanted were very different.



ETA - another place to get chairs and tables is a church. Many churches have vast quantities of tables and chairs that they let their members use for nothing or close to nothing (as long as they are returned in a timely manner, etc).

Though it sounds like the cost of renting is not the issue. I agree with Velvet. You can easily bundle stuff.
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post #14 of 26 Old 08-16-2011, 03:41 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Alwaysbehind View Post
To me that seems pretty fancy.

Maybe that is the communication issue you were having with your wedding planner. Your idea of not extravagant and what she thought you wanted were very different.



ETA - another place to get chairs and tables is a church. Many churches have vast quantities of tables and chairs that they let their members use for nothing or close to nothing (as long as they are returned in a timely manner, etc).

Though it sounds like the cost of renting is not the issue. I agree with Velvet. You can easily bundle stuff.
would you mind elaborating? I am intrigued that you assume that a wedding planner who plans $25k-$100k weddings would think that I was being extravagant. Have you been married? Can you give me tips to keep costs down? I'm all for it but every which way i looked, this was a $10k "party" or more. I hate the idea of spending so much on a 6 hour event. But having food and a place to sit and eat isnt extravagant. What sounded fancy to you? If its the bartenders etc- i moved to NC with only my fiance and daughter, hence ALL guests would be traveling so I was trying to make it worth their while,i guess.
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post #15 of 26 Old 08-16-2011, 03:51 PM
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And now you do sound abrasive. Maybe you do not mean to, but I can see why your party planner would find that type of response as being difficult to deal with.

How much she normally plans weddings for really means squat.


I am married. We did it ourselves with the help from our friends. We spent no where near $10,000 (as we did not have that type of money).

We rented a building at the local park. It included a kitchen and nice toilet rooms along with tables and chairs. We (yes us), along with the help of some friends set up all the tables and chairs and decorations the morning of the wedding. No fancy nail and hair appointments to worry about.

Drinks and the finger foods were all self serve. No wait staff. Foods were made by friends and family (part of our wedding gift).

Dinner was also prepared by friends and family. We had basic foods. Grilled meats (chicken, burgers) salads, corn on the cob, etc. Fed buffet style. Drinks still self serve.

Entertainment was typical park fun stuff. We also had two pinatas. One for adults (lottery tickets, small liquor bottles, etc) and one for kids.

That is what I think when people say not extravagant.

Nothing wrong with what you want to do. It sounds lovely!
I still think you can do it all yourself if you do not want to hire another wedding planner.
You might want to send your old wedding planner a carefully worded email asking for a list of items she has already booked for you.

If she writes back saying she has not booked anything ask her for a break down list accounting for her time versus what you have already paid her.

Her time is not free so she does have a right to keep some money. And who wants to work with a wedding planner that does not like you? I am sure in the end you will appreciate her leaving at this point.
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post #16 of 26 Old 08-16-2011, 03:53 PM
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Sorry about your Monday! The week will surely get better! Your boy will be okay, scars just add character. My gray mare looks like she's been in battle with all of her black patches!

Wedding planning is a PITA! My hubby and I debated quite a bit about ours. Got the budget from good ol' dad and we looked into a big to do at the country club overlooking the lake & golf course, but then decided on something that would be much less headache. Got married on the porch of a restored victorian house (made for amazing pics) with just close family & friends, had a brunch at my house and then hopped on a plane to Grand Cayman & Belize for 3 weeks. (That's what the difference in budget paid for not going the country club route!) Had a "reception" when we got back - planned by my mom in true to my style fashion. Had 2 competitive bbq teams serving some righteous soul food, a whole bunch of kegs, self serve bar and dj in a rented tent on the farm. It was a blast and zero stress! Only had a few drunks to retrieve out of the pond and I probably could have gotten a horseback dui...man was that a fun night!

The point of all that, you can do it with help, do it how you want it and don't stress yourself out or over complicate things. Its a once in a lifetime deal and you should do it true to yourself. Enlist family & friends or find another planner, don't change what you want because of your setback or you may live with regret. Good luck!
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post #17 of 26 Old 08-16-2011, 04:02 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Alwaysbehind View Post
And now you do sound abrasive. Maybe you do not mean to, but I can see why your party planner would find that type of response as being difficult to deal with.

How much she normally plans weddings for really means squat.


I am married. We did it ourselves with the help from our friends. We spent no where near $10,000 (as we did not have that type of money).

We rented a building at the local park. It included a kitchen and nice toilet rooms along with tables and chairs. We (yes us), along with the help of some friends set up all the tables and chairs and decorations the morning of the wedding. No fancy nail and hair appointments to worry about.

Drinks and the finger foods were all self serve. No wait staff. Foods were made by friends and family (part of our wedding gift).

Dinner was also prepared by friends and family. We had basic foods. Grilled meats (chicken, burgers) salads, corn on the cob, etc. Fed buffet style. Drinks still self serve.

Entertainment was typical park fun stuff. We also had two pinatas. One for adults (lottery tickets, small liquor bottles, etc) and one for kids.

That is what I think when people say not extravagant.

Nothing wrong with what you want to do. It sounds lovely!
I still think you can do it all yourself if you do not want to hire another wedding planner.
You might want to send your old wedding planner a carefully worded email asking for a list of items she has already booked for you.

If she writes back saying she has not booked anything ask her for a break down list accounting for her time versus what you have already paid her.

Her time is not free so she does have a right to keep some money. And who wants to work with a wedding planner that does not like you? I am sure in the end you will appreciate her leaving at this point.
Always, I wasnt trying to sound abbrasive, and sometimes I do come off that way. I think its because I am articulate and well spoken, all the time. So sometimes it comes off as if i'm trying to be better. But in all reality i wanted you to clarify for me how I sounded extravagant for a wedding. And what made you think I was the problem in the communication. I wish I still understood because I really would like to change coming off like that.
I throw parties for my daughters birthday in the same fashion you had your wedding, so i know how much fun it can be. But because its an annual to do in our household, i was looking for more "umph" for an adult wedding. And of all people, I'm sure you can underatand coming off a way you dont intend to, 90% of your posts have me me like LOL, but ive come to see its just you. Thank you for the insight though.
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post #18 of 26 Old 08-16-2011, 04:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LetAGrlShowU View Post
MLS- there is a lot more to planning than just having a place to stand or sit. I have to bring in tables, chairs, china, caterers, bartenders, linens, lighting- those are only the foundation for the reception, then you have to do the same for cocktail hour and decor for ceremony. I know I COULD do it, but its just beginning to feel like a wedding is a hassle. But marriage isnt. I'd be happy with a small ceremony in the mountains followed by light dinner and dancing with only our immdiate family and matron of honor.
If you are happy with a small ceremony - why not do it?!
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post #19 of 26 Old 08-16-2011, 04:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LetAGrlShowU View Post
Always, I wasnt trying to sound abbrasive, and sometimes I do come off that way. I think its because I am articulate and well spoken, all the time. So sometimes it comes off as if i'm trying to be better. But in all reality i wanted you to clarify for me how I sounded extravagant for a wedding. And what made you think I was the problem in the communication. I wish I still understood because I really would like to change coming off like that.
I throw parties for my daughters birthday in the same fashion you had your wedding, so i know how much fun it can be. But because its an annual to do in our household, i was looking for more "umph" for an adult wedding. And of all people, I'm sure you can underatand coming off a way you dont intend to, 90% of your posts have me me like LOL, but ive come to see its just you. Thank you for the insight though.
Now you are just being rude. (see bold)

It's the MARRIAGE - not the wedding that is important.

The ceremony is for 'show'. I will bet if you asked half of those you plan to invite what they would like to see, they would say "a long and happy marriage". They aren't going to remember the table cloths or the wine glasses or the flavor of the cake.

What does the groom have to say about all of this? Or your daughter?
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post #20 of 26 Old 08-16-2011, 04:26 PM Thread Starter
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Groom would be happy with the courhouse, or anyting that makes me happy. I am leaning now towards spmething smaller, its just finding the happy medium where you dont piss off relatives that some were invited and others not...
I just wanted a regular wedding like most other brides have. It would have jsut been more special on my farm but im fine with a small gathering somewhere else that has an inclusive type deal. Thank you for those being supportive with your great ideas. MLS- I was not trying to sound rude, i truly think thats why I come off that way.
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