Moral Dilemma- Some outside perspectives would be helpful! - The Horse Forum

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post #1 of 19 Old 07-06-2012, 11:08 PM Thread Starter
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Question Moral Dilemma- Some outside perspectives would be helpful!

Hello, all. This is actually a sad situation so I'm going to try and interperet as sensitively as possible. I am the Executive Chef at a new restaurant that just opened in May. The three owners and myself are the only employees here because they think they're saving money doing it all themselves. Needless to say it has been extremely challenging. Here's where it gets problematic: one of the owners is morbidly obese to the point where he cannot even fit through the kitchen doors, and cannot do any physical labor beyond bartending. Every day that he works, he brings me an employee meal ticket to make him a bacon cheeseburger and garlic parm fries. Foods like this are why he is the size that he is. I feel that by cooking him stuff like this, I am enabling a very lifethreatening condition. I desperately want to tell him no whenever he asks for fried/ heavy meals, but he is an owner and I need my job. I get angry inside at him for not doing anything to alter his lifestyle or habits. I've talked to the other owners about it and they've said there have been many attempts to get him to change things. I don't know if I could live with myself if he dropped dead after eating somerhing unhealthy that I'd made him. Any advice?
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post #2 of 19 Old 07-06-2012, 11:11 PM
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That's a tough one. But you are not really in a position to correct his lifestyle, as he is your employer and not your friend. So hard as it is, I think I would have to leave it alone.
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post #3 of 19 Old 07-06-2012, 11:12 PM
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I would See if he will make a deal with you. Ask him
If once a week you fix him what he wants would he allow you to fix him something healthier the other days and see how he likes what you fix.
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post #4 of 19 Old 07-06-2012, 11:21 PM
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I know you feel a moral obligation to keep him from killing himself, but this isn't your battle to fight.

He's an adult and can make his own decisions, even if these decisions are going to put him in an early grave.

Most morbidly obese people KNOW they have a problem, but unless he's willing to make a change, there's nothing anyone can do.

Food can be as much of an addiction as any drug, and you won't be telling him anything he hasn't already heard time and again. HE is the only one who can save himself.

You want the truth? You can't HANDLE the truth!
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post #5 of 19 Old 07-06-2012, 11:30 PM Thread Starter
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I agree with all of you- I've actually been quietly looking for other jobs because of other issues with the business and ownership. It's just so frustrating to know there's not a lot that can be done unless he takes the steps towards improvement first.
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post #6 of 19 Old 07-06-2012, 11:56 PM
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I hate to be blunt about this but his wieght is HIS problem.
What he eats is HIS decision.
Would you serve an obese customer the same foods?
Probably so.
As a chef if you worry about what your customers eat you will not be able to concentrate on cooking the food.
Until you open your own place and then you can decide the menu.
It is good that you care about him.
Maybe before he hands you the ticket you tell him that you are preparing something different just for him to try.
You can't prevent someone from doing something that is self destructive unless you are prepared to gaurd them 24/7.
Good luck with your carreer. Shalom
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post #7 of 19 Old 07-07-2012, 09:30 AM
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Originally Posted by dbarabians View Post
I hate to be blunt about this but his wieght is HIS problem.
What he eats is HIS decision.
Would you serve an obese customer the same foods?
Probably so.
As a chef if you worry about what your customers eat you will not be able to concentrate on cooking the food.
Until you open your own place and then you can decide the menu.
It is good that you care about him.
Maybe before he hands you the ticket you tell him that you are preparing something different just for him to try.
You can't prevent someone from doing something that is self destructive unless you are prepared to gaurd them 24/7.
Good luck with your carreer. Shalom
I agree.

Everything is relative. As a former bodybuilder and fitness trainer for many years, I assure you there are things you yourself eat or drink, or other lifestyle choices you make that are unhealthy. And just the fact that you work at a restaurant that serves bacon cheeseburgers means you are enabling EVERYONE - not just the owner. By my standards, bacon cheeseburgers are poison - for everyone. You don't have to be obese to have heart or arterial disease or high blood pressure or other issues related to a poor diet. But I'm not going to beat you up about what you eat or where you work, just as you shouldn't beat up the fat owner. If you don't want people dictating to you what you should or shouldn't eat, you shouldn't dictate to others. Normally I would suggest a gentle informational nudge might be in order, but if he is that obese, I'm sure his doctor has informed him of the risks he is taking...
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post #8 of 19 Old 07-07-2012, 10:16 AM
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There is a restuarant in Dallas called Heart Attacks or Cardiac Arrest something like that.
If you weigh over 400 lbs you eat free. They will even weigh you.
People were upset about it because they thought that it promoted unhealthy choices.
There is also a restuarant here called Chubby's not one healthy item on the menu.
It is not the responsibilty of anyone to police another adults destructive habits. If they are not committing a crime.
Setting an example by living a healthy lifestyle is the most that you can do.
Shalom
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post #9 of 19 Old 07-07-2012, 10:22 AM
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I think you shouldnt be feeling a moral dilemma. It is HIS meal ticket to spend and HIS menu item choice. You're cooking it but you didn't choose it for him. If you feel bad making him something you consider unhealthy then you should feel that same guilt for every "unhealthy" item you cool for EVERYONE.

His life, his choice. The only time it is "our" problem is when we have to pay for it.
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post #10 of 19 Old 07-07-2012, 04:32 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks everyone for the responses. I think I knew in the back of my mind the whole time that this is not something I have much control over, but I wanted to get some opinions from people seeing the issue with fresh eyes. I agree with what several of you have posted, about not policing the destructive habits of others. From this point on I think the best thing for me to do is try and set the example myself and hope for the best.

Last edited by stephshark; 07-07-2012 at 04:35 PM.
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