Moved Out for College - Just Need to Vent it Out... - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 9 Old 08-15-2013, 11:55 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
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Moved Out for College - Just Need to Vent it Out...

Things aren't going so well for me right now. I know I've been MIA from this site for a month or so, but here goes anyway. It's a long story, but I'd really appreciate it if you could hear me out at least. I don't even care if you tell me I'm being stupid. I'm just tired of keeping it all in.

I'm going to be a junior in college. This is the first time I have ever moved on my own. I have an apartment with two roommates, one who is supposed to be my best friend and another who is supposed to be her friend. I had a bad gut feeling about this in July, and I think I should have listened. As usual, I didn't. And now I'm paying for it, along with a few dumb decisions of my own.

So, like I said, this is the first time on my own. I've always been a homebody, and I get really attached to people and jobs. I have anxiety and depression problems, but before I came here, I was in a really, really good state. And I am actually doing quite well I think considering what it could be. I am slowly devolving though, I feel like, and to be honest, I'm feeling pretty low.

So yeah, my roommates started fighting before I even moved in. Let's say A is my supposed best friend and B is her friend. So, I guess B wouldn't even talk to A when B moved in. And A got really mad and told her to F off. Obviously, that didn't help. And then I moved in and B wouldn't talk to me, either. We kept planning on talking to her, but she was always with her friend, at her friend's apartment, or locked in her room. She's actually on a weeklong vacation right now and was mad because we didn't get our room keys the same time she did and she took work off that day to do that with us. But we didn't know that. A had someone hack into her Facebook and write some nasty stuff as her. There's only three people that know her Facebook password as far as I'm aware, and I wouldn't put that on there and her boyfriend wouldn't either, which leaves B, who claims she didn't do it. Whatever.

Anyway, my problem is more with A. I mean, she's supposed to be my BFF, but she hasn't been treating me very well I don't think. She doesn't understand the fact that I am struggling with this transition. Today she informed me that she hasn't seen anyone else with the same problem transitioning as I do. I told her I missed home, and she told me that maybe I should go back to the community college again, in a really negative, sarcastic voice, which is totally what I need. She says she'll do stuff, too, but then go back on it, so I'm trying to remind myself that I can no longer count on her. The first time it happened was when I stayed with her for a few days over the summer. I told her that I was going to drive my friend back to my hometown and drive down again (we were shopping, me and this other friend, by A's resident town). A told me that she would follow me home and bring me back down, no problem for her, because when she dropped me back home, she was going to stay home for a few days. I told her that if we did that, I had to be in my hometown by 10am on Tuesday so I could get to work. A told me that that should be fine, that she would go do her barn work earlier in the morning.

Tuesday morning rolls around, and she doesn't come home until about 8:30am. I tell her we need to get going because I will be late. She tells me she had to work and has to shower, so I'm gonna have to wait. I was late to work - luckily, I'm always timely to work, so my boss was really nice about it. But I was steamed. Last time I ever did that.

Second mistake I made. A wanted to bring her dog to our apartment, which I was just fine with. B is allergic to cats, so I was considering getting a dog from the Humane Society. A told me she would help me with her - at least, I was under the impression that was so. So, the dog is home, and I've never had a dog, so you know, I'm adjusting. It wasn't the smartest idea to get a dog right off, I know. But I just wanted a pet because I've always had one and I thought it would make things easier. Not so much. My dog isn't housebroke, and she has had a few accidents. A gets upset when this happens, but when I get upset, she reminds me that the dog is still a puppy (about 6 mos or a year)and I shouldn't get so upset. She also tells me how to clean up these messes, which I am perfectly capable of, how to walk my dog, not to complain about the fur in the bedroom or the lack of sleep I'm getting because she insists the dog has to stay in my room because she whimpers in the other room and might get into something in the living room. And I don't get good sleep. I thought we were in this together. And then she got mad when the dog chewed her stuff up because it was lying right there out in the open. Both roommates consented to the dog. But I'm on my own. I really want to go home this weekend, and I can't take the dog with me, but my roommate refuses to care for her because she's working too much this weekend supposedly. And yet she told me she would care for her over breaks and stuff. I just wanted to go home, see people that make me happy, and clear my head. And now I don't know what to do.

Furthermore, A gets witchy for no reasons, argues with me when she thinks she's right, tells me that I need to board at her stable when the managers stink there and treat people rudely, and she's mad because I won't board there. She tells me how to drive, puts me down sometimes, and I know we tease each other a lot, so I don't know if it's a boundary crossing or not.

I feel so alone. There's no one down her other than her that I've met yet, and nothing is comfortable or home. I sleep in most mornings because I'm still tired, and I have absolutely no motivation to do anything. It's been only a week, and I know I need to give it more time, but I'm just miserable. I won't give up, don't worry, but I just hate this. I just need a hug and some encouraging words. My confidence in myself is gone just because it's all new right now, and I was hoping I could get some support from A before this all happened. Now I feel more alone than ever.

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post #2 of 9 Old 08-16-2013, 08:23 AM
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oh good grief, just stop. Grow up and quit with the he said she said busy body this that and the other nonsense.
sharing an apartment like this is a business arrangement. Treat it as such and get over it.
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post #3 of 9 Old 08-16-2013, 08:42 AM
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Room mates are hard work... living with ANYBODY is hard work. I understand that you are struggling with the transition and there is nothing wrong with that. We all adapt to changes in different ways.

You can only take responsibility for yourself, just like your can't expect your roommates to take responsibility for anybody other than themselves. If you feel in over your head with the dog, maybe looking for a new home for it would be the best answer (I know that isn't what you want to hear).

What happens between A & B is between them, don't get involved. Infact, keep your head down and stop focusing so much on what either of them are doing at any given time. Who cares if they are narky, you do what you need to and leave them to it.

Stop for a minute, open your mind, learn. You may not agree with what I say, I may not agree with what you say but we will both learn something new.
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post #4 of 9 Old 08-16-2013, 09:27 AM
Join Date: Oct 2010
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Welcome to the real world.

And being you are a junior in college and just about ready to be an "adult" on your own, this maybe is the wake-up call you need.

People lie.
People are mean.
People go back on their word.
People get crabby.
Etc and so forth.
Such is life.

Let's look at this from B's perspective. It sounds like you made ZERO effort to go talk to her from the beginning, and felt that she needs to come and talk to you. Why? Friendship is a two-way straight and if you didn't take the initiative to be friendly to her, don't expect her to do the same. Besides, you are already's A's best friend so she probably figured you were made at her too from B's persceptive. (People like to assume.)

How about you knock on her door? Locked in her room is not an excuse. If she refused to open the door, fine, then at least you tried. To me it doesn't sound like YOU have tried at all. You just want things handed to you.

A lot of time, college is when you find out who your REAL friends are. And maybe A isn't. You'll live and learn and figure out who you can trust and who you can't trust.

It's only been a week. That is a drop in a bucket. No one is going to get settled in in a week. Certainly a horrible idea to get a dog.

Why are you mad at your roommate for not taking care of YOUR dog? You bought the dog. The dog is YOUR responsibility now. A dog needs care like a child does (babysitting, training, etc). So of course the dog should stay in YOUR room. It is YOUR dog. You didn't buy the dog jointly, YOU bought the dog. If you can't handle the dog, then find it a new home. It is ridiculous for you to be mad at A because it is not her dog; it is YOUR dog.

You need to take initiative for YOU. Get up in the morning, and go work out. Exercise naturally improves your mood by getting everything going. Go join some clubs in college so that you meet new people. Or go hang out with people at your new barn where you are going to board your horse. If you just want to sit around and feel sorry for your self, well that isn't going to help you or your mood. You have to make you feel better. You are a young adult now; you can't always run to mom and dad to make it better. Like I said, this is probably a harsh reality check for you, but a necessary one. Next year you'll be a senior, you'll graduate, and then you will have bills. You will have a job. You will have to be a responsible adult. You'll look back on your college years and realize how easy things were in college, that you didn't realize at the time.

I've had more than my share of bad roommates. You need to learn how to deal with it, and then go get your own apt next year or whenever your lease is up.

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post #5 of 9 Old 08-16-2013, 09:25 PM
Join Date: Jul 2011
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I'm sorry but I agree with most of the other posters.

You got a dog... you had no experience. The better option would have been to foster a dog so you can learn exactly what is required to own a dog. Like a horse, there is a LOT to learn!

If you can't take the dog home, then you shouldn't be mad that your friends are offering to care for it. As the dog isn't even house trained yet.. are you going to take your dog to puppy-classes? Or maybe put him in puppy daycare so that he gets socialized since you're a college student?

As for the he said she said stuff... if B did no wrong to you, then don't avoid her like the plague. Talk to her. Your best friend seems stressed, but still no excuse for treating each other like toilet water.

Pick yourself up and do something to get out of your rut.

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post #6 of 9 Old 08-16-2013, 10:06 PM
Join Date: Oct 2011
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Im not going to get into it with you guys, as there is truth there. HOWEVER, read between the lines! Op is adjusting and finding it difficult. YES she is learning a harsh reality but sleeping in, not wanting to go anywhere? That folks, is the beginnings of DEPRESSION.

OP, colleges almost all offer counseling services. Go make an appointment to chat. They will help you wrap your head around things and more than likely suggest you get active and meet new people. Take care of this now, and you probably won't need meds or mess up what should still be a fun part of your life. Yes, people can be bitchy...they are going through their own stuff....once you get past this hump, that will be easier to see.

Good luck.
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post #7 of 9 Old 08-16-2013, 10:32 PM
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to be honest, this is why i never got a roommate. especially a female one.

id much rather live with guys then girls. girls are bitchy, catty, stab you in the back pain in the butts when roomed together.

no advice from me, except keep your head up.
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post #8 of 9 Old 08-17-2013, 12:15 AM
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No, you did not need a dog to care for at this juncture. But I am confused, the dog came from your home, your friends home, you adopted it, or??

People are people the world over, most of them are wrapped up in themselves. It isn't surprising that they aren't considerate of you or your particular problems. But, I don't think wanting a dog b/c you thought it would make a transition easier was fair to the dog. Where will you be in year, 2, or 4? Did you think it through, for the pup's sake?

I think DW gave you some really good advice. Seek counseling. A lot of people have a hard time transitioning, you are hardly the first. You will have to think in terms of solutions if you want to get out of your funk, not why you are in one.

There is just as much horse sense as ever, but the horses have most of it.
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post #9 of 9 Old 08-17-2013, 02:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Joe4d View Post
oh good grief, just stop. Grow up and quit with the he said she said busy body this that and the other nonsense.
sharing an apartment like this is a business arrangement. Treat it as such and get over it.
Same thing, said nicer.

You are roommates, you don't have to get along.

Live your life and stop worrying what others think - this is especially important when you don't care what they think.

Evaluate what they mean to you. If that's very little, then their opinion of you matters little too.

If they are worthless, then their opinion is also.
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