Moved Out for College - Just Need to Vent it Out...
Things aren't going so well for me right now. I know I've been MIA from this site for a month or so, but here goes anyway. It's a long story, but I'd really appreciate it if you could hear me out at least. I don't even care if you tell me I'm being stupid. I'm just tired of keeping it all in.
I'm going to be a junior in college. This is the first time I have ever moved on my own. I have an apartment with two roommates, one who is supposed to be my best friend and another who is supposed to be her friend. I had a bad gut feeling about this in July, and I think I should have listened. As usual, I didn't. And now I'm paying for it, along with a few dumb decisions of my own.
So, like I said, this is the first time on my own. I've always been a homebody, and I get really attached to people and jobs. I have anxiety and depression problems, but before I came here, I was in a really, really good state. And I am actually doing quite well I think considering what it could be. I am slowly devolving though, I feel like, and to be honest, I'm feeling pretty low.
So yeah, my roommates started fighting before I even moved in. Let's say A is my supposed best friend and B is her friend. So, I guess B wouldn't even talk to A when B moved in. And A got really mad and told her to F off. Obviously, that didn't help. And then I moved in and B wouldn't talk to me, either. We kept planning on talking to her, but she was always with her friend, at her friend's apartment, or locked in her room. She's actually on a weeklong vacation right now and was mad because we didn't get our room keys the same time she did and she took work off that day to do that with us. But we didn't know that. Anyway...so A had someone hack into her Facebook and write some nasty stuff as her. There's only three people that know her Facebook password as far as I'm aware, and I wouldn't put that on there and her boyfriend wouldn't either, which leaves B, who claims she didn't do it. Whatever.
Anyway, my problem is more with A. I mean, she's supposed to be my BFF, but she hasn't been treating me very well I don't think. She doesn't understand the fact that I am struggling with this transition. Today she informed me that she hasn't seen anyone else with the same problem transitioning as I do. I told her I missed home, and she told me that maybe I should go back to the community college again, in a really negative, sarcastic voice, which is totally what I need. She says she'll do stuff, too, but then go back on it, so I'm trying to remind myself that I can no longer count on her. The first time it happened was when I stayed with her for a few days over the summer. I told her that I was going to drive my friend back to my hometown and drive down again (we were shopping, me and this other friend, by A's resident town). A told me that she would follow me home and bring me back down, no problem for her, because when she dropped me back home, she was going to stay home for a few days. I told her that if we did that, I had to be in my hometown by 10am on Tuesday so I could get to work. A told me that that should be fine, that she would go do her barn work earlier in the morning.
Tuesday morning rolls around, and she doesn't come home until about 8:30am. I tell her we need to get going because I will be late. She tells me she had to work and has to shower, so I'm going to have to wait. I was late to work - luckily, I'm always timely to work, so my boss was really nice about it. But I was steamed. Last time I ever did that.
Second mistake I made. A wanted to bring her dog to our apartment, which I was just fine with. B is allergic to cats, so I was considering getting a dog from the Humane Society. A told me she would help me with her - at least, I was under the impression that was so. So, the dog is home, and I've never had a dog, so you know, I'm adjusting. It wasn't the smartest idea to get a dog right off, I know. But I just wanted a pet because I've always had one and I thought it would make things easier. Not so much. My dog isn't housebroke, and she has had a few accidents. A gets upset when this happens, but when I get upset, she reminds me that the dog is still a puppy (about 6 mos or a year)and I shouldn't get so upset. She also tells me how to clean up these messes, which I am perfectly capable of, how to walk my dog, not to complain about the fur in the bedroom or the lack of sleep I'm getting because she insists the dog has to stay in my room because she whimpers in the other room and might get into something in the living room. And I don't get good sleep. I thought we were in this together. And then she got mad when the dog chewed her stuff up because it was lying right there out in the open. Both roommates consented to the dog. But I'm on my own. I really want to go home this weekend, and I can't take the dog with me, but my roommate refuses to care for her because she's working too much this weekend supposedly. And yet she told me she would care for her over breaks and stuff. I just wanted to go home, see people that make me happy, and clear my head. And now I don't know what to do.
Furthermore, A gets witchy for no reasons, argues with me when she thinks she's right, tells me that I need to board at her stable when the managers stink there and treat people rudely, and she's mad because I won't board there. She tells me how to drive, puts me down sometimes, and I know we tease each other a lot, so I don't know if it's a boundary crossing or not.
I feel so alone. There's no one down her other than her that I've met yet, and nothing is comfortable or home. I sleep in most mornings because I'm still tired, and I have absolutely no motivation to do anything. It's been only a week, and I know I need to give it more time, but I'm just miserable. I won't give up, don't worry, but I just hate this. I just need a hug and some encouraging words. My confidence in myself is gone just because it's all new right now, and I was hoping I could get some support from A before this all happened. Now I feel more alone than ever.