I just got a text from my mom saying that my grandpa had a heart attack yesterday. I don't know how to feel about that. I used to be close with my grandparents, but when I was 17 **** hit the fan and I haven't heard from my grandpa since then and have only heard from my grandma a handful of times (i get an obligatory card from her on my birthday and christmas, and an occassional cookie cutter text that is sent out to everyone in her contacts list). I have heard comments made from my grandparents to my mom saying really hurtful things about me, my brother, and my mom. Short version of what the comments are about and why they don't talk to me anymore is because when I was little my cousin did some very innappropriate things to me over the course of a few years. My cousin has always been the "golden boy" and I only told a couple friends years later. My mom found out and told my grandparents and my grandparents say that I am lying and i'll answer to God on judgement day for lying and for not resolving the situation.
It hurts that my grandparents think so poorly of me, but what makes it worse is that it's caused so much conflict between them and my mom. I feel guilty about that and some days I want to recant just so there would be a possibility of peace. I do feel largely responsible for the relationship collapsing and I wish that I could undo her finding out (she had found a letter in my room written to my cousin that I wasn't going to send, I just felt like writing some stuff out).
Anyway. Sorry for the rant. I'm having a whole bunch of feelings and i'm a bit confused by them because I don't have love for my grandparents anymore but yet I am having conflicting emotions...
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