New Office Rules
 
 

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New Office Rules

This is a discussion on New Office Rules within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

     
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        08-09-2008, 06:18 PM
      #1
    Banned
    New Office Rules

    EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2008

    NEW OFFICE POLICY

    Dress Code:

    1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to
    Your salary.

    2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a
    Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially
    And therefore do not need a raise.

    3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
    Money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
    Therefore you do not need a raise.

    4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need
    To be and therefore you do not need a raise.



    Sick Days:
    We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof
    Of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

    Personal Days:
    Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
    They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

    Bereavement Leave:
    This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
    You can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every
    Effort should be made to have non-employees attend the
    Funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where
    Employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be
    Scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to
    Allow you to work through your lunch hour and
    Subsequently leave one hour early.




    Bathroom Breaks:
    Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
    There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
    Stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
    Sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
    Door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your
    Second offense, your picture will be posted on the
    Company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
    Category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
    Sectioned under the company's mental health policy.



    Lunch Break:
    * Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need
    To eat more, so that they can look healthy.

    * Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
    Balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

    * Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's
    All the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


    Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here
    To provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,
    All questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
    Frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
    Allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
    And input should be directed elsewhere.


    The Management
    Pass this on to all who are employed!

         
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        08-09-2008, 06:56 PM
      #2
    Chat Moderator
    You or the bosss are trying to kill morale. Good luck kepting your work force, quiting, gerenal poor perfromance will raise. And production will out south.
         
        08-09-2008, 07:03 PM
      #3
    Weanling
    Wow that's funny!!!
         
        08-09-2008, 09:52 PM
      #4
    Started
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!

    Hahahaha

    Ahh, that's great! Just what I needed tonight!
         
        08-10-2008, 01:34 AM
      #5
    Yearling
    Hahaha, I love the meal breaks
         
        08-10-2008, 04:07 AM
      #6
    Started
    Haha, I love the sick days. Very good. Very funny!
         
        08-10-2008, 08:26 AM
      #7
    Super Moderator
    Lmao ! I wouldn't want to work in this office but the wc-section was fun
         
        08-11-2008, 11:37 AM
      #8
    Foal
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Kentucky
    You or the bosss are trying to kill morale. Good luck kepting your work force, quiting, gerenal poor perfromance will raise. And production will out south.
    Ahem, hon.......it was meant as a joke!
         
        08-11-2008, 01:38 PM
      #9
    Green Broke
    Hehe - i'm the HR department at work...it would be soooo fun to send this out
         
        08-11-2008, 01:52 PM
      #10
    Weanling
    "Bathroom Breaks:
    Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
    There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
    Stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
    Sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
    Door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your
    Second offense, your picture will be posted on the
    Company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
    Category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
    Sectioned under the company's mental health policy
    . "

    LMAO!!!! What is bolded describes exactly what I would do!!!!

    Omg thanks spyder, I had the biggest kick out of that!! You just made my day!
         

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