New Office Rules - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 11 Old 08-09-2008, 05:18 PM Thread Starter
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New Office Rules

EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2008

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to
your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a
Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially
and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need
to be and therefore you do not need a raise.



Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof
of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every
effort should be made to have non-employees attend the
funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where
employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be
scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to
allow you to work through your lunch hour and
subsequently leave one hour early.




Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your
second offense, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sectioned under the company's mental health policy.



Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need
to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's
all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here
to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,
all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.


The Management
Pass this on to all who are employed!

Spyder is offline  
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post #2 of 11 Old 08-09-2008, 05:56 PM
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You or the bosss are trying to kill morale. Good luck kepting your work force, quiting, gerenal poor perfromance will raise. and production will out south.

A good cowboy always has a better horse at the end of the ride, a poor cowboy will be afoot reguardless of the horse.

Mis Raices Estan Aqui (my roots are buried here)
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post #3 of 11 Old 08-09-2008, 06:03 PM
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wow thats funny!!!

R.I.P. KIANE(5-year-old AQH gelding)- I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU
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post #4 of 11 Old 08-09-2008, 08:52 PM
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LMAO!!!!!!!!!

Hahahaha

Ahh, that's great! Just what I needed tonight!

Amber.
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. ~Thomas Edison
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post #5 of 11 Old 08-10-2008, 12:34 AM
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Hahaha, I love the meal breaks
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post #6 of 11 Old 08-10-2008, 03:07 AM
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Haha, I love the sick days. Very good. Very funny!

Rach
WE ARE GEELONG! THE GREATEST TEAM OF ALL.....
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post #7 of 11 Old 08-10-2008, 07:26 AM
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Lmao ! I wouldn't want to work in this office but the wc-section was fun

"On hyviä vuosia, kauniita muistoja, mutta kuitenkaan, en saata unohtaa,
Että koskaan en ole yksin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Vaikka myrsky hetkeksi tyyntyykin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Ja pian taas uusin hönkäyksin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Hei tuu mun luo, pieneksi hetkeksi. Puhutaan, varjoni, valkoiseksi enkeliksi."

Pelle Miljoona Oy - Varjo seuraa onneain

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post #8 of 11 Old 08-11-2008, 10:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kentucky
You or the bosss are trying to kill morale. Good luck kepting your work force, quiting, gerenal poor perfromance will raise. and production will out south.
Ahem, hon.......it was meant as a joke!
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post #9 of 11 Old 08-11-2008, 12:38 PM
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hehe - i'm the HR department at work...it would be soooo fun to send this out

kickshaw
Justin (qh/tb)
Boo (asb)
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post #10 of 11 Old 08-11-2008, 12:52 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 579
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"Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your
second offense, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sectioned under the company's mental health policy
. "

LMAO!!!! what is bolded describes exactly what i would do!!!!

omg thanks spyder, i had the biggest kick out of that!! you just made my day!

I love my horse. She is the wind beneath my wings.

John 3:16 (READ THIS PLEASE!)
Brandon is offline  
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