New relationship during hard times? - The Horse Forum

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  • 1 Post By tinyliny
  • 2 Post By Poco1220
  • 1 Post By AlexS
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post #1 of 7 Old 10-20-2011, 08:39 PM Thread Starter
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New relationship during hard times?

Many of you know about my mom. For those of you that don't she has terminal cancer and is currently going down hill very quickly. I recently started dating a boy a month ago and I feel it was a bad idea. I like him, he's great but I barely know him. He wants to meet my mom and be supportive but im very indifferent about it. My mom doesnt want to meet him because we havent been dating along time and she tends to get attached and I tend to have short relationships. I don't blame her for not wanting to meet him yet. Personally, im not comfortable with the fact of him meeting her in the condition she is in. It would make her feel uncomfortable and awkward and I really don't want that. Plus he doesnt really know me so he cannot really understand. My best friend and I have gotten much closer through out this.

But I find myself pushing him away. Would I be wrong to break up with him? He's so good to me but I feel like this was horrible timing. I have alot on my plate and I don't need a boyfriend I need a friend. He doesnt know what to say when I talk about this stuff cause he doesnt know my family. He tries, but its hard. I really like him, but I just don't know. I feel like I need to focus on my grades and family right now. What do you think?

Im not looking for sympathy, this is not a post to get "im so sorry Delete". For those of you who might be thinking that. I know some of you have been going though something similar, I would love to chat over PM.
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post #2 of 7 Old 10-20-2011, 08:56 PM
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Delete, I am not going through anything similar, so cannot offer personal advice from experience. I do want to say how sorry I am that you have such a hard road right now. It seems perfectly understandable to feel confused about how to fit in a new relationship now. Maybe it ends up feeling like one more demand on your time and energy and emotions, and draining rather than refilling your heart's core. If this young man is of quality, he will understand if you ask him for a bit of distance, for your own needs. He may feel hurt, but a man of quality will know that supporting can be done by first not adding to the burden, and waiting until called upon.
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post #3 of 7 Old 10-21-2011, 02:48 AM
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You're at one of those rare times in life where it is perfectly okay to be entirely selfish. You need time for you and to deal with everything around you. Explain to him that he's great but there's just a ton going on, basically just like you told us. If he's worthwhile he'll stay by your side as a friend until the timing is more appropriate. If not? Well then at least you found out now. Just be honest with him, you're not helping anyone being in a relatiOnshop only half way. :)
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post #4 of 7 Old 10-21-2011, 03:38 AM
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I agree with Poco, at this point in your life you do what is right for you.

If he offers you something, then stay with him. Your mom doesn't want to meet him, so she doesn't have to - just tell him why, as that would be fair to him.

If you feel that it is causing you more stress than it is worth, either end it or ask for some space.

What would not be fair is to get him emotionally invested and then end it if things get worse for your mom, if you knew all along that you were not interested in him.

I am so very sorry that you are going through this.
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post #5 of 7 Old 10-21-2011, 07:00 AM Thread Starter
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I did end it, rather emotionally I might add. He was upset about it but completely supportive and understanding. Right now I'm not myself, when I'm not around horses I'm always ticked off ready to snap at someone. Horses are my escape from my reality, I don't think about it when I'm around horses or talking about them. When I'm away from that my mom is all I can think about an I'm at the ticked off at the world stage of dealing with this. I'm always in a bad mood when I'm around him and all I do is complain. It's not fair for him to put up with that or have to build a relationship on that. Right now it's all I can do to keep myself together with my grades an Leroy. A boyfriend is just added stress, something that has turned into an obligation. Thank you all for your support. I needed some reassurance that breaking up with him didn't make me a bad person; cause he is such a great guy.
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post #6 of 7 Old 10-21-2011, 02:44 PM
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I AM sorry, Delete. Not about the boy or relations, but about your mom. That's really terrible.

As for relations if you don't feel comfortable right now (and to me sounds like you don't) I'd just explain him and focus on what you think is more important for you at the moment. If he loves you and understands you - he'll wait.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass: it's about learning to dance in the rain..."

"When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves."

"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours."
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post #7 of 7 Old 10-22-2011, 11:48 AM
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I'm neither going /gone through anything similar but just wanted to pop up to say my support.

Give yourself time and space. If you don't feel like dating just now, it's all understandable. If he really is as understanding as he describes, I'm sure that he's ready to accept the situation as a friend too. And if not, it's that stinky part of life but I'm sure that you're ready to go through it. Don't feel bad if you end up to break up with him / slow down things just now, you've a lot on your plate just now like you already stated yourself.

Hugs to you, stay strong there . Not because I'd feel sorry for you but because all of us need other people and a hug when there are hard times going on in our lives.

"On hyviä vuosia, kauniita muistoja, mutta kuitenkaan, en saata unohtaa,
Että koskaan en ole yksin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Vaikka myrsky hetkeksi tyyntyykin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Ja pian taas uusin hönkäyksin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Hei tuu mun luo, pieneksi hetkeksi. Puhutaan, varjoni, valkoiseksi enkeliksi."

Pelle Miljoona Oy - Varjo seuraa onneain

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