Overthinking and Frustration Help?
   

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Overthinking and Frustration Help?

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  • Overthinking and frustration
  • Overthinking frustration

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    04-19-2013, 05:17 PM
  #1
Weanling
Overthinking and Frustration Help?

So, I'm one of those people who overthinks EVERYTHING, reads into every little detail, and is very hard on herself. This often has me ending up feeling extremely frustrated to the point where I want to give up.

Here's an example: After taking the winter off from riding (with my instructor and her horses, I exercised horses at another barn), I just started lessons back up. Over the summer and fall last year, my main mount was a mare who is pretty insensitive to cues (she's also one of those horses who needs to be told to do something, not asked), and I'm not a balanced/secure enough rider to wear spurs. I forgot to take a crop with me, and the lesson didn't go very well, as I spent most of it trying to speeding her up and keep her from slowing/fading, etc.
So since then I've been beating myself up about not being able to get her to do what, not being a better rider, being so dependent on the crop, etc. Even in the lesson I felt like this. I know it's wrong and it's not helping me, but I can't get it to stop. It's like a voice, replaying in my head, "You failed. You can't even do this. You're a suckish rider."

To make matters worse, when I get frustrated (at all, about anything), other crappy stuff in my life comes into my head. "You missed that question on your history quiz. You said something stupid in front of everyone. You can't even figure out geometry proofs. You'll never be as good as your brothers." It gets to the point where I will literally bully myself until I want to cry.

I know this isn't right. But I don't know how to fix it. Does anyone have any positive thinking tips or ways to get out of my head? Thank you!
     
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    04-19-2013, 05:50 PM
  #2
Banned
I used to be like that, and in some ways I still am. I have really really learnt to laugh. You may or have may not noticed that when some threads get heated I drop in a 'funny'?

I look back at things now and wonder why the heck I laid awake all night trying to understand someone's else's action towards me, and then beating myself up about it, because if I didn't understand why they did what they did, THEN it must be something I did.......not true.

Find something to laugh about.....learn to laugh at yourself instead of persecuting yourself. In the whole big scheme of life how detrimental to your overall life plan is it that your forgot your crop for a lesson?

I had a lesson once and did t have spurs or a crop....but I did have a lazy horse, I must've looked like I was trying to lay an egg getting that horse to move! ;)
CowboyBob likes this.
     
    04-19-2013, 06:12 PM
  #3
Started
Every night I cannot get to sleep because I overthink. I think about everything you could imagine. Then I go deeper. I think about stupid stuff, sad stuff, and some pretty strange stuff.

But Like Muppetgirl said: Laugh.

I think that is what "saves" me you could say. I have laugh lines at 13 and still at 15. I am wondergin how deep they will be when I am 50. Lol
     
    04-19-2013, 07:18 PM
  #4
Showing
Boy, and they say we are crazy when voices talk to us. There's a part of our brain that likes to stir up trouble and if allowed will bombard us with all kinds of thoughts and they never seem to be brilliant ones. A trick I learned to clear my mind, and it may only be brief, is to hold my hands in front of me, palms up. And hold them there until they begin to ache. Notice that the thoughs switch from the stupid ones to the hands that are aching. Another trick is I will treat them like a naughty child and I will tell them to go sit in a corner, that I'll deal with them later. If I say it aloud, the inanity of it gets me laughing and the stupid thoughts are gone.
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    04-19-2013, 07:46 PM
  #5
Weanling
Quote:
Originally Posted by faiza425    
So, I'm one of those people who overthinks EVERYTHING, reads into every little detail, and is very hard on herself. This often has me ending up feeling extremely frustrated to the point where I want to give up.

Here's an example: After taking the winter off from riding (with my instructor and her horses, I exercised horses at another barn), I just started lessons back up. Over the summer and fall last year, my main mount was a mare who is pretty insensitive to cues (she's also one of those horses who needs to be told to do something, not asked), and I'm not a balanced/secure enough rider to wear spurs. I forgot to take a crop with me, and the lesson didn't go very well, as I spent most of it trying to speeding her up and keep her from slowing/fading, etc.
So since then I've been beating myself up about not being able to get her to do what, not being a better rider, being so dependent on the crop, etc. Even in the lesson I felt like this. I know it's wrong and it's not helping me, but I can't get it to stop. It's like a voice, replaying in my head, "You failed. You can't even do this. You're a suckish rider."

To make matters worse, when I get frustrated (at all, about anything), other crappy stuff in my life comes into my head. "You missed that question on your history quiz. You said something stupid in front of everyone. You can't even figure out geometry proofs. You'll never be as good as your brothers." It gets to the point where I will literally bully myself until I want to cry.

I know this isn't right. But I don't know how to fix it. Does anyone have any positive thinking tips or ways to get out of my head? Thank you!


First of all what are geometry proofs?? Really I don't know but anyway

Here's the thing, lets say you are not the riding you are the teacher or it's your friend that is haveing the problem with the dumb horse that won't go or its your friend that missed the question on the test or your friend didn't know their geometry proof things whatever they are.
Would you be so hard on them as you are on yourself?
If not then ask your self why?
Do you think you are better then your friend? No. Then why are you holding yourself to a higher standard then you would ever hold someone else?
You are no better and no worse then your friends. You are just holding your self to too high of a standard. Perfection is hard to hit.

Laughing at yourself is a good idea, but also for crying out load cut yourself some slack.

Ask yourself this, did you do the best you could? If so GREAT if not then think "next time I will......." don't just beat yourself up come up with a plan for next time.

I hope this is a help, its easy for me being as I am a VERY Logical Guy .
When I get like this I work to understand the problem and make a plan for how to fix it next time.

Good Luck and SMILE :ha ppydance::happ ydance:
     
    04-19-2013, 09:10 PM
  #6
Weanling
I've been there, OP. Still am, in some ways. Whenever life gets you down on one thing, anything, the rest just seems to follow. We focus on the bad and it is just a snowball from there. It is so easy to do. I can't explain why it happens, but it just goes: Bad thing happens, bad mood, and that mood/feeling is just duplicated with the rest of the bad things. When you are already sad, it is so, SO easy to focus on negative things then it is to say, "Well, that lesson SUCKED, but at least I got to ride!" The hardest thing you got to learn, though, is to do that. There is ALWAYS something positive happening in your life. Always. Even if it is something in the future. Having something to look forward to helps alot too.

Ask your trainer if you can ride another horse or ask her for ways to get your horse to respond without crop/spurs, or even ask if she can teach you to properly ride WITH spurs. Instead of hating yourself for the negative, get stubborn and determined. Try a "Well, that lesson sucked really bad, but at least I started riding again with her. NEXT WEEK, I will master this." And then look on the internet (or here) for tips on getting a better seat. For me, when I'd get down on myself it was always with jumping. So I'd watch a ton of youtube videos to try and learn to get a better two point and also looked up strengthing exercises to do while I wasn't riding. There is always always ALWAYS going to be something you fail at and NEED TO IMPROVE ON. Always. No rider is a complete master. Mistakes happen, choices happen, things go on.
For school-ok you missed something major. It sucks, BUT here is a positive: you'll always remember the answer now. It happened like that for me. Whenever I missed a major question, especailly one that I just -knew- the answer but just barely couldn't recall it, I'd remember the answer to it for the rest of my life. "This was that stupiddddd question that I failed on the test!" It is a learning process.
As to math all I can say to THAT is I pity you. I pity you greatly. Math was the hardest subject for me, and still, to this day, is. It is the fastest and easiest way to get me to cry. I JUST don't understand it. And proofs were by FAR the HARDEST thing EVER! Maybe look into tutoriing. Don't be ashamed. Math = hell. You CAN make it through tho!
faiza425 likes this.
     
    04-19-2013, 09:20 PM
  #7
Trained
Counseling to find out why you think so little of yourself, to find a way to fix it and move forward. My husband does the same thing, only if I can get him to do something where he just has to react, not think.......THEN he rides like a dream. But otherwise, there are days when he can't even steer the horse down the rail of the arena because he's SO over thinking.
     
    04-20-2013, 07:52 AM
  #8
Showing
I would like to add that when your mind dwells on what has already taken place you are allowing it to trap you in the past. The past doesn't exist and neither does the future. You are living in this very moment, just like your horse. We really do live moment to moment.
Koolio likes this.
     
    04-20-2013, 08:45 AM
  #9
Green Broke
I'm a worrier and an overthinker. And it used to cause me problems but I have changed my behaviour lately.

First is the idea what you choose what you think about - always take responsibility for everything in your life - once you have accepted that you can change! Otherwise you're in denial

So when I have a problem I am thinking over I have to really be aware of whats going on in my head. When I start going over the same ideas over and over again I know its not good! At that stage I go over my solutions or possibilities and I get realistic - ones that are not going to happen I stop considering. Just forget them. Then if I am left with a few I'll write them down and see what is most feasible - maybe sleep on it. But I make sure I have formed ideas not just abstract things in my head.

Worry - well that catches me sometimes still, but I have a very simple thing to deal with this. You look at your problem - like lets say your horse isn't rugged and you're worried about it. You ask yourself, can I do any action to help the situation? If yes, then do it. Right away. Go rug your horse. If you can't do anything at all - then stop worrying its not going to make a difference.

Like worrying after a test - is there anything you can do? No, so forget it, what is done is done. Wait for the future and when it comes you can make decisions to change outcomes, but for now that time has passed.

It may sound a bit tricky to just let it go, but its not really. I think its not these issues that bother us - its the uncertainty. Could I have done better? What can I do to be better? If I had answered this way instead what would it be like? What are these people thinking? Will I ever be better than my friend at this? Etc. Although look at your worries, give them due consideration and then decided. Either decide that you can do something, and then do it, or decide you can do nothing, and move on. Everytime it comes to mind, push it aside, you've already made your decision.

That's just my advice.

I developed these ways of dealing with doubt, concern and guilt as an overall tool to combating depression, which I experienced from my mid-late teens. It's always something that lurks over my head, and if I don't take responsibility for how I feel and think and react then it can grab hold really easily. Take my advice now - don't be a slave to your emotions, experience them but don't let them control you. You are not how you feel. You and you alone are responsible for anything and everything you feel, and while this may be a daunting concept, its also extremely powerful.
TaMMa89 and faiza425 like this.
     
    04-21-2013, 01:50 PM
  #10
Weanling
First, thanks everyone for your help! If I can just get my mind off of stuff it makes things so much easier...I will definitely try your tips!

Quote:
Originally Posted by CowboyBob    
First of all what are geometry proofs?? Really I don't know
Geometry proofs are the bane of my existence Basically, you are given a geometric figure, and then told to explain, through different reasons that you're supposed to have been taught (or sometimes figure out on your own ), stuff about the figure. If that makes any sense (it doesn't to me, haha). This might give you an idea (and this is a relatively simple one):
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