Parents of teenage kids who "game" - The Horse Forum

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post #1 of 36 Old 07-13-2013, 12:19 PM Thread Starter
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Parents of teenage kids who "game"

I'm having a really tough time with my teenage son and the arguments around "gaming" and how much time he spends gaming. He thinks he should spend as much time as he wants gaming as "there is nothing else to do" and "that's what all his friends do and they hang out together on the game". I know how much time I think he should have on it....but wondering how much time your teenagers spend on gaming on a typical day??

Note: As per a disrespectful argument last evening around the time he games I am taking the computer away for a few days.
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post #2 of 36 Old 07-13-2013, 12:52 PM
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Uh hello , You don't argue with children. You tell them, turn it off. If he objects throw the thing away. Good grief.
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post #3 of 36 Old 07-13-2013, 01:28 PM
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Agreed. There is always something to do! He could be vacuuming, doing dishes, mowing... OR he can find something more to his liking that isn't gaming. Does he do sports? A hobby? Have many friends (besides the ones on his games)? A job? Another idea... Make him earn hours. Give him a chore list in order for him to earn a day of "regulation free" gaming, 3 hours of gaming... Whatever you think is fair.
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post #4 of 36 Old 07-13-2013, 01:59 PM
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There is a time too much gets to be too much. I game. Do I sit and play for 8 hour straight? No. There are PLENTY of other things to be doing. It would be a bit better if he went over to his friends to game at least... Not hanging out 'in game.'

The in game thing - do you pay for an online account for him to be able to talk to his friends? Or does he? (Or is it free? Sorry, I don't know much about the 'talking in game' thing, other than for the XBox and PS you have to pay for an account. I think.) If you do, stop paying. It's not necessary.

Video game addiction IS a thing. You don't want him to end up like this kid. Do what you need to limit his playing to max a few hours per day. He should go get some fresh air or something. I am in full agreement with SlideStop's suggestions.

Diablo 3 Death: Teen Dies After Playing Game For 40 Hours Straight

Does he have a job? How old is he? How is his schoolwork going, if he's still in school?
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post #5 of 36 Old 07-13-2013, 02:22 PM
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This is a really tough one, especially when "all the other kids are doing it"...

I grew up with a brother that played 24/7, I did chores and rode my horse... Guess which one of us is successful, hasn't been in jail 4 times, isn't on welfare, and doesn't think the world/our parents "owes" them everything?

In my house we don't have game systems. We did get our daughter a Nook (with mostly books on it) and it does have some age appropriate games on it, like the puzzle or ones where she has to decipher clues, but the only time she gets to use it is on car rides.

There are chores to do, studying, playing outside, books to read, puzzles, art... Of course she would rather sit in front of the tv or be playing games but here that isn't an option!

If I were you I'd make him sell the majority of it and put it towards a bike or a car fund. Find him a job, do volunteer work, chores, he'd be too busy to even think about games until right before bed if he were mine. And then those games would be PG rated, I'm not sure what you let him play, but most of the popular games are sick.

Hang in there and be strong, he may think he hates it now, but when he's a fully functioning adult he'll thank you later!!
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post #6 of 36 Old 07-13-2013, 02:25 PM
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I tried hard as a parent to keep my sons from becoming too dependent on computers for their amusement and social life. It was a losing battle. In part because my husband works in computers, so it was a point of intersection for them, and almost the only one. It was their way of relating to each other, so I had to accept that it had value. And, they became versed in computer usage, whcih is necesary in today's world.
My oldest son is on the Austistic Spectrum, so socializing face to face is challenging to him. He does, however, want to socialize, and he finds that gaming with online friends helps to fill that need. Eventually, he learned to game with others in person, in Dungeons and Dragons groups. And, he games or chats with people all over the world, just as I am chatting and socializing with YOU GUYS. This forum is a bit like gaming, isn't it?
I get a lot of satisfaction out of it, but I agree, it can be addicting and sometimes I wish I had a mom who would force me to strike a balance with my time.


Good luck. Just don't "demonize" gaming as it will only put your son in a position where he feels he needs to defend it and become adversarial.
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post #7 of 36 Old 07-13-2013, 02:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FlyGap View Post
This is a really tough one, especially when "all the other kids are doing it"...

I grew up with a brother that played 24/7, I did chores and rode my horse... Guess which one of us is successful, hasn't been in jail 4 times, isn't on welfare, and doesn't think the world/our parents "owes" them everything?

In my house we don't have game systems. We did get our daughter a Nook (with mostly books on it) and it does have some age appropriate games on it, like the puzzle or ones where she has to decipher clues, but the only time she gets to use it is on car rides.

There are chores to do, studying, playing outside, books to read, puzzles, art... Of course she would rather sit in front of the tv or be playing games but here that isn't an option!

If I were you I'd make him sell the majority of it and put it towards a bike or a car fund. Find him a job, do volunteer work, chores, he'd be too busy to even think about games until right before bed if he were mine. And then those games would be PG rated, I'm not sure what you let him play, but most of the popular games are sick.

Hang in there and be strong, he may think he hates it now, but when he's a fully functioning adult he'll thank you later!!
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I don't think she should make him get rid of all of his systems. That's only going to create an incredible amount of resentment and tension. He spends too much time on video games because he enjoys them - I would say reducing the allowed playing time would be better than taking them away. (believe me, I speak from experience. Not ME, but family.)

Limiting the amount of time he can play - by whatever means you feel will work (taking the cords, games or whatever to make sure he won't) - will prompt him to do other things. He'll have free time he doesn't know what to do with. I agree that he will thank you later! Going out, getting a life, a job, will help him in the future. Maybe you can set up a camping trip for him and a few friends or something so he can start doing things outdoors.
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post #8 of 36 Old 07-13-2013, 02:57 PM
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Gaming itself isn't necessarily horrible. My DH gamed as a teenager with his friends and is one of the best people I know, he is successful and well adjusted. Now, back in those days (do I sound old now? Lol) him and his friends also coded their own games. So that might be a twist you can put on it. Make him create his own things on the computer. That will teach him valuable skills, especially as technology becomes more prevalent, learning how to code is very useful.

I do agree that he needs outdoor activities too. Rock climbing, for example can be fun and outdoorsy. A job is also always a good idea. You let him know that he can buy gaming related things with his money from the job.

Either way, good luck. Getting through to a teenager will be hard. You are the parent though, so he should listen.
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post #9 of 36 Old 07-13-2013, 02:57 PM
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As an adult who enjoys video games, I have to argue that so long as he is seeing to his responsibilities, whether that's chores, homework, or a job, and getting an appropriate amount of exercise, I don't see video gaming as being any different than reading or drawing or watching tv. It's something he enjoys, he socializes with his friends, and he's doing it in his off time. If he is shirking his responsibilities then certainly discipline is in order.

But video gaming is a hobby, enjoyed by many, and just because its been demonized by the media, and/or you don't particularly enjoy it doesn't mean that it's unhealthy to enjoy gaming.

As for the kid who died from gaming for to long, you gotta think that there is something more going on there than just enjoying games.

Consider this, would you rather him spend his time gaming, socializing with his friends that way, or would you rather they all get together outdoors and vandalize/do drugs/etc.? That may be somewhat extreme, but if you take away his games and he doesn't already have an interest in sports or something else, he's going to be bored and he's going to have to find SOMETHING to do.
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post #10 of 36 Old 07-13-2013, 02:58 PM
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Gaming is just like the tv, restrict the hours, doesn't he have chores to do? How about his grades (when school is in), unless his grades are at a certain level, the gaming time is cut then as well. There is no projects you need done, that he can't work on to earn his gaming time? If not, I envy you, I wish I had some able bodies around here, not enough hours in my day!
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