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parents who wouldn't buy u a horse even if they could

5K views 60 replies 31 participants last post by  KarrotKreek 
#1 ·
I am just curious to know if anyone has a parent who wouldn't buy them a horse, even if they had the means. I do. :-|

My dad has mentioned a few times to me that if he had the money, he wouldn't buy me a horse, as he considers owning a horse a waste of time and money and just too much trouble. Lots of time and money, true... waste of time... nu-uh, but I guess he just doesn't see the good parts of it. And he thinks it would overly distract me from life (hence studies). Which isn't totally true, nor false. :cool:

I suppose if he did win the lottery and I showed myself extremely responsible (which I am and he technically knows this already), and kept my grades up, he'd probably pay for my lessons... and even maybe, pay for a lease in the summer... but never buy me a horse.

I guess the fact that he still expects me to give up riding and move on with my life plays a part in this too. No one in my family has done what I have done, and he tells me to eventually forget about horses, but how can one forget one's own self? :wink:

SO anyone else have a parent that thinks horses are great, but not worth it and just a temporary pleasure? :D
 
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#2 ·
my parents used to be like this. but then they came around to the idea if i prove responsible enough and can take care of other animals then give it a shot. they gave me strict guidelines and if i slipped once the horse would be sold. on top of that i was going threw a move to different town and instead of going to therapy (since my folks think that is a bigger waste then horses ) that they would buy me my first horse and it truly was the best therapy i could of had for that time in my life. plus the horse was older and could not be ridden. :/

its not that parents dont care for your interests if they are like mine they just want you to earn and work hard for what you want. when it came to getting the horse i really wanted i had to buy it and pay for everything and they told me straight out if she would have been my first horse they would never have gotten her for me because it was something i truly wanted because it was calling me. they said something so desirable should be earned from hard work. :)
 
#3 ·
At least your parents are paying for you to be around and ride horses; mine couldn't even do that. I had to wait until I could afford it on my own.

Your parents don't owe you a horse. Horses are your passion, not theirs. There's no reason in the world for them to spend money on something which they consider an expensive waste of time.

If you're a true horse person you'll never lose the passion, and eventually you'll be able to make it happen on your own. That's what I did, and it certainly didn't kill me to defer my dream until I could afford it myself.
 
#4 ·
I begged bribed and blackmailed (kinda hehe) for 10 years to let me have a horse. It was only when my neighbours horses needed careing for and I absoloutly fell in love with Alli that my parents finally agreed to letting me take out a long term loan contract.

I was fortunate enough to have lessons once a week payed for by my mum at £16 an hour, and my mum realised I would be spending about £20 a week on an actuall horse of my own, and I could spend hours and hours riding it and careing for it every week.

I also got a summer job to help pay for feed etc and did lots of things to prove my responsibility. Dedication was a big thing for mum and dad. They were convinced I was going to quit and 'grow out of it' and focus on studies to get a well paying job. That was until I flipped at them saying I didn't give a **** if being a doctor/dentist payed loads, I wanted to be around horses for my entire life because they are my entire life!
 
#5 ·
I hate to say it, but I agree with Speed. You don't sound whiny in your post, which is good, but what SR said is exactly it- your parents don't owe you a horse. They can spend the money they make on whatever they like, and if they don't want to spend it on an animal that only one person in the family is going to enjoy and is going to cost them a LOT of money over a LONG period of time, that's their decision. It sucks that your parents don't support your horse hobby, but unfortunately, sometimes that's just the way it is. If you're really passionate about it, you'll be able to make it work.
 
#6 ·
Here's the thing about kids....

I work my buns off to get a degree, and before that I worked my buns off....to have the money to make sure that my daughter/kids have the things that I did NOT have as a kid...this includes all the necessities plus a few amenities, like violin lessons and martial arts training. ($$$)

The thing about that is, you know how hard you worked to provide those things, right? And you see how long your kids have interest in those things which cost you quite a bit...and therein is part of the problem, but not all...if you were to lose interest in a horse, or CARING for the horse...as a minor, that responsibility falls back ON YOUR PARENTS. Well geez...what if they don't want that responsibility?

So: an expense that someone may lose interest in
an expense whose actual CARE may fall back on the parent...one that they have no interest in
an expense to which they ultimately will be responsible for, not the minor, in any legal or medical issues

I see a lot of irresponsibility with the *cough* young ADULTS that I go to school with... and I know exactly how not responsible my own kid is. I can understand where the parents might not want to buy a horse...at least you can break a lease. xD
 
#7 ·
Its not that parents dont care for your interests if they are like mine they just want you to earn and work hard for what you want. When it came to getting the horse I really wanted I had to buy it and pay for everything and they told me straight out if she would have been my first horse they would never have gotten her for me because it was something I truly wanted because it was calling me. They said something so desirable should be earned from hard work. :)
I completely agree about working hard for something you really want. I am happy I pay for everything myself, as it has pushed me to do things I would never have done if my life was easy and I got everything payed. However, my dad doesn't really see it that way. For a long time my parents were against me working 3 hours a week at the library and then 2 hours every second or third week for my neighbor (I file and help him with his computer and stuff), they were even frustrated that I was doing all this because of "the horse". It took them 3 years of fighting with me to see that working wouldn't alter my grades. They were of course just worried about me, scared I'd be over worked and burn out.

At least your parents are paying for you to be around and ride horses; mine couldn't even do that. I had to wait until I could afford it on my own.
That is very true. I am very grateful my dad actually willingly drives me to my lessons and doesn't actually really complain or stop me from going to my lessons.

I am not saying my parents owe me a horse, if not I owe them everythign for giving me a private education and sacrifying so much for me (and giving me life), but i was just curious to know if there were other parents who still wouldn't buy them a horse (for whatever reason) even if they had money coming out of their bums.
 
#8 ·
I didn't mean to imply you sounded ungrateful or whiny, because you don't. Just tried to give you some justification for why your folks feel the way they do. :wink:

My parents have never understood the horse thing, and for many years thought it was just a phase. 33 years after buying my first horse, I'm pretty sure it's not just a phase! :rofl:

They never did 'get it', and even all these years later my mother will still ask me, 'So, when are you going to get tired of those horses and start living a normal life?' Um, when they pry the reins out of my cold, dead hands?
 
#11 ·
I didn't mean to imply you sounded ungrateful or whiny, because you don't. Just tried to give you some justification for why your folks feel the way they do. :wink:

My parents have never understood the horse thing, and for many years thought it was just a phase. 33 years after buying my first horse, I'm pretty sure it's not just a phase! :rofl:

They never did 'get it', and even all these years later my mother will still ask me, 'So, when are you going to get tired of those horses and start living a normal life?' Um, when they pry the reins out of my cold, dead hands?
:rofl::rofl:
Boy does this hit home! My dad loved horses, used to train them back when dinosaurs walked the earth......but mom-even after all these years-up until she was too senile to know my name, actually, she was STILL asking me the same thing....along with "are you still married to.....HIM?"

And, DH has actually asked when I might stop riding, and my answer was the same as yours.

That said-I was fortunate enough to have horses growing up, BUT, mom made life miserable and complained the whole time. So, which is worse-not sure. Finally I can happily afford to have them without anyone questioning.:wink:

They are a privilege, not a right. That is true at any age, no matter who is paying the bills.
 
#9 ·
I read in the first post that Hidalgo pays for her own lesson, not paid for by dad.

Anyway, I get that frustration. I mean the part about the family not having a clue how big a part horses play in your very being. They simply don't get it.
Argh! How could anyone not love horses? (that's what I am thinking when I have those special moments with Mac's head resting near me and we are just "together" and he smells good, and we had a good ride and he's this magnificent being . . and . . .)
 
#10 ·
We never had money to afford the horse or lessons or anything else horse-related, so I didn't even ask for it. I was able to get it all only after I was done with the college and got the more-or-less stable job.

My friends daughter (in her 20th already!) gets everything she wants even though they have no money to afford lots of things, and she thinks it's OK. Sometime I wonder where all these "give, give, give" is coming from....

P.S. Hidalgo, it's not directed at your OP or you, just a rant.
 
#12 ·
if you were to lose interest in a horse, or CARING for the horse...as a minor, that responsibility falls back ON YOUR PARENTS. Well geez...what if they don't want that responsibility?
True true, forgot how my dad is easily worried. He has had so many troubles in his life, that anything that might give him a headache (even if it also gives him pleasure, he doesn't want) He told me this a long time ago, it's the reason why he says he'd never ever buy a boat or a dog. Too much headache. I understand a little more now. he doesn't think now I'll grow out of it, but if the horse get's sick and big vet bills come (even if he can pay for them), I could just see him not sleeping for a week. wWuld be my typical daddy. :)

I didn't mean to imply you sounded ungrateful or whiny, because you don't. Just tried to give you some justification for why your folks feel the way they do. :wink:

I know that. :wink: Just wanted to make sure others didn't think this was more of a rant and I thought my parents owed me a beautiful, cash eating pony if ever they hit the jackpot. :lol:
 
#13 ·
They never did 'get it', and even all these years later my mother will still ask me, 'So, when are you going to get tired of those horses and start living a normal life?' Um, when they pry the reins out of my cold, dead hands?
Lol, agreed! When my dad told me I should just rid 2 times a year (just for a bit of pleasure) and move on, I told him I'd do so when I was tired, pregnant and swollen or occupied with raising my newborn. Then of course once I get back in shape and have more time I'd go back to riding regularly. ;)
 
#14 ·
Anyway, I get that frustration. I mean the part about the family not having a clue how big a part horses play in your very being. They simply don't get it.
Argh! How could anyone not love horses? (that's what I am thinking when I have those special moments with Mac's head resting near me and we are just "together" and he smells good, and we had a good ride and he's this magnificent being . . And . . .)
Since my dad spends almost just as much time at the barn as I do, he understands more now than then, but ya, definitely doesn't completely get a horse lover's passion. ;)
 
#15 ·
My friends daughter (in her 20th already!) gets everything she wants even though they have no money to afford lots of things, and she thinks it's OK. Sometime I wonder where all these "give, give, give" is coming from....
Ya I knwo what you mean. I go to school with a girl like that.
The bad thing about it all is that she brags about everything. :roll:
 
#20 ·
The bad thing about it all is that she brags about everything. :roll:
Hey, I find this to be a funny thing though. Shows how stupid the person is. :D
 
#16 ·
The way I got my first horse was I just bought one and told my parents I needed to find a place to keep her. They were surprised (I was 16) but didn't tell me no, just found me a field to rent.

I think it is easier with your parents to tell you no, than it is to here them tell you they'll buy you a horse.

I spent five years thinking my dad would finally buy me the horse he promised every time I seen him. He would say how he'll help me get a horse and keep it because he knew how much I loved them. Every year I hoped and felt awful when it never happened. He said that up the day he bought my non horse step mother a horse, I'll admit I cried my heart out, the horse was a beautiful young and extremely well trained horse not the $300 give away from down the road. Of course when my mare died he again promised to help me buy another horse when the time came, but he bought himself a colt and wouldn't help me when I found one.

Easy for them to say no, than to make promises they'll never keep.
 
#17 ·
Hldalgo I wish I had been fortunate enough to have lessons when I was younger. My family simply could not afford it, and I knew better then to even ask.

I did come up with many detailed plans on how I could have a horse, and once even presented the plan to my dad. Bless his heart, he listened intently to all I put forth, and then when I was done, complimented me on my well thought out plan. Then told me .............no. :-(

It was for the best, though I didn't see it that way, and I know the stricken look on my face must have cut him like a knife.

He is my biggest fan, and loves to watch me work my horses and has a keen eye.

We , when younger, don't have a broad view on all the variables that life can so quickly throw at us. It's when we get older, and have so many responsibilities that we then can look back and understand where our parents were coming from, most times anyway.

Enjoy the time with your dad at the barn, I'm amazed he doesn't complain about it and I think perhaps he cherishes this time with you. A father knows that eventually some one else will come along and he will not be the "man" in your life anymore. Though I have to say, I am a daddys girl and damn proud of it, even at my age! :lol:
 
#19 ·
She had rode the horse a couple lessons before he bought the horse, but other than that had no idea about any thing, horse related. She only had a handful of lessons after that, was only starting to trot.

Just saying it is easier to hear, no you can't have a horse. Than have empty promises from someone you really want to believe.
 
#21 · (Edited)
Enjoy the time with your dad at the barn, I'm amazed he doesn't complain about it and I think perhaps he cherishes this time with you.

Ya he is pretty good about it. When I say I have a lesson he just says ok and asks at what time. He does however grumble when I start riding more often in the summer. :wink: Says it ruins the day because by the time we get home at noon, all morning was spent at the barn and there is only the afternoon left for him to do his things. Which is true...:oops: BUt yes he does enjoy it.:) I can see he likes being around the horses and isn't nearly afraid of them as he used to. Just cautious, but already trusts them more. He helps a bit around the barn and talks with the polish lady I sometimes take lessons with (my dad is polish too you see, so he has fun talking in polish to her). He then goes to get a coffee and/or buy groceries and see's the end of my lesson. It is nice a daddy/daughter time, which probably, as you said, he appreciates. :)

BUt he would much rather I save my money than spend it all on lessons (which is understandable), but thankfully he doesn't grumble much on that either, because he finally realized I did better in school when I rode more often. Helps my concentration you see. :wink:
 
#22 ·
Hey, I find this to be a funny thing though. Shows how stupid the person is. :grin:
Aw Kitten, let us be nice now. :wink: But yes it does. Problem is girls at my school were actually nice enough to politely tell her she needed to stop constantly talking about herself and bragging, and were willing to give her another chance and stay friends with her, but you know what she answered when they told her she only ever spoke of herself?

"Ya I know." then she smiled, and continued talking. It was one of the *face palm* moments. :-|
 
#24 ·
****! We had a girl like that at the Dog Run when I was living in NYC. She didn't shut up for a sec the whole hour she was there with the dog telling us (complete strangers) about her, her life, her b/f, eta-eta-eta. Mind you that girl was grown adult. So I bet the habits don't change with age! :lol:

P.S. I always just ignore bragging.
 
#23 ·
Oh my dad told me to get over it and just ride my friends horses (she didnt mind) and my mom agreed with my dad till my uncle called we got a stable and had him delivered there that night we told my dad we got a free horse with all the tack, he is still upset (9 years later) but built me a barn after a year of complaining, and now is getting more into it.
 
#25 ·
We always had horses & ponies (I had much older siblings) and then they were sold when my siblings grew up & moved out. I was left with nothing, well not nothing, I rode my friend's miserable one eyed pony who they convinced me that we were "made for each". Hah! Example - "She loves you, she hardly ever bucks you off, & rarely draws blood when she nips you". They just wanted someone exercising & feeding this miserable old hag (sigh* I miss old Brownie). I put up with for about a year. If I didn't hound my parents everyday for a year that I wanted a horse of my own and scoped out possible buys (keep in mind I was like 8 yrs old), I would have never got one. Funny thing is, when I got engaged, they bought me a house & I never even ask or hinted at that. My mother is 84 now and tells me, "Haven't you grown out of horses yet? You should really see someone about your addiction, and you got your husband, children & grandchildren envolved!" I just smile & respect my elders.
 
#26 ·
We always had horses & ponies (I had much older siblings) and then they were sold when my siblings grew up & moved out. I was left with nothing, well not nothing, I rode my friend's miserable one eyed pony who they convinced me that we were "made for each". Hah! Example - "She loves you, she hardly ever bucks you off, & rarely draws blood when she nips you". They just wanted someone exercising & feeding this miserable old hag (sigh* I miss old Brownie). I put up with for about a year. If I didn't hound my parents everyday for a year that I wanted a horse of my own and scoped out possible buys (keep in mind I was like 8 yrs old), I would have never got one. Funny thing is, when I got engaged, they bought me a house & I never even ask or hinted at that. My mother is 84 now and tells me, "Haven't you grown out of horses yet? You should really see someone about your addiction, and you got your husband, children & grandchildren envolved!" I just smile & respect my elders.
^^This made me laugh. Two years ago, my surgeon upon finding out that I had horses, and hubby was luke warm about them (his wife and he were in the same situation) , informed me that I had a disease........equine disease!!!! Lay mans translation, horse crazy! :wink:
 
#28 ·
My parents had the means, but being non-horsey people they were nervous about allowing me to have a horse in case they would be needed for support that they didn't have the knowledge or experience to offer. They also encouraged me to go out and do things on my own from a relatively young age, that is, secondary school.

I bought my first horse at 14 with my own money, most expensive horse I've ever bought at $1000 haha. Bought all my own tack and paid for my board with my part time job and by working for trainers.

I didn't/don't begrudge my parents for their decisions; they made the right choice and it taught me valuable lessons in budgeting, working, being accountable and time management.
 
#29 ·
Sarahver, that;s really neat you managed to pay for your horse all by yourself! :D

I didn't/don't begrudge my parents for their decisions; they made the right choice and it taught me valuable lessons in budgeting, working, being accountable and time management.
Yes definitely teaches you budgeting skills! A few years ago, I remember my mom once going to see her account online. I have a separate account, but it's joint with hers as I am a minor, and she saw I had a few hundred dollars saved up to pay for my next group of 10 lessons, and she told me: "I thought you said you didn't HAVE any money!?"

Technically I didn't, it wasn't spending money, but savings money. :wink:
 
#30 ·
The day I started working, 14, I had to chip in to help pay for my PARENTS horse. That way I could buy my own lessons, and ride her. We then got two horses so we could go on trail rides. I paid for that one. There was only one year I was out of work, at 17, and I couldn't afford to do all those nice things. BUT it was my exam year so my parents resumed full payments.

Day after I turned 18, I started my real world job and got my big girl panties on. I took full responsobility of Doey at the time, and sold him in May. Then in June, I had scrimped and saved, and borrowed a bit from the bank, to buy my own- Duffy. I then some how aquired my dog, Rufus in September. Between Duffy's PPE, Rufus' castration and emergency trips when he ate something and threw up blood, and Duffy's absess I have spent in excess of €1200. None of which I can claim on insurance.

Would I let that fall to my parents? No. I want a horse, I want a dog, its my responsobility. My bank balance is ZERO at the end of the month, I only go drinking if its on my base, so I can walk home or go to a friends. I have no social life, my money and time goes in to the horses.

You have to dedicate, and if you want it that bad, you will save every penny, get a job, and buy YOURSELF a horse IMO- parents shouldn't have to fork out for things we 'want'. Need, yes, want, no.
 
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