A Question of Stubbornness & Gut Feelings - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 25 Old 08-02-2012, 11:08 PM Thread Starter
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Location: Ontario, Canada
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A Question of Stubbornness & Gut Feelings

So, basically I'm being dragged to a wedding on September 1st. The groom is my fiancée's cousin who he does not have much contact with.

We are being forced to take the 3 hour drive with my fiancée's parents, and older brother. Our only vehicle is an older pick up, so it's less than stellar on gas, and we can't take the bus because of our 8 month old puppy that we have to bring along with us.

We're staying the night before at his parent's place (I'll be heavily drugged, I hope) and the night after the wedding at a relative's house closer to the location of the wedding, and coming home the next morning. So the plan was to bring the dog along in the car with us (we've already taken him on some fairly long car rides - up to 2.5 hours each way - so he's very good in the car, no mess, no barking or carrying on, etc). We have a crate to keep the dog in for the 4 hours we'll be gone at the wedding & reception. We've got large containers to bring food and water on the ride, and have plenty of containers to store the food needed for the duration of the rest of the trip.

However, my fiancée's parents called me today, informing me that we would have to make the 1 hour drive up to their house and back sometime before the wedding to view the boarding facility that they found, and expect us to pay for, so that we can leave the dog behind. Saying that "this is what we're going to do". No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

Needless to say I was shocked and angry that they took it upon themselves to tell me what I'm going to do with my dog, when we had already explained, and agreed to the original plan with them.

Now, it's not just the fact that they're trying to tell me what to do that's making me dig my heels in (and that is a very strong driving factor), it's the fact that I:

1. Don't feel comfortable leaving my dog behind because he is still fairly young, and I like to have the predominant role in my dog's care and daily life, and also have very little faith in the owners of the facility.

2. Don't want to have to pay the price that the place has listed, with an additional fee on top of that because our dog is not yet fixed (which is practical, and very responsible of the facility, however I don't want to spend the money).

3. Don't want to allow his parents to strong arm us into anything else, as they do this sort of thing all the time and I feel like I need to stand up to them and finally not allow them to always have their way.

They way they've described the place is also not helping. "Ma & Pa's" is the name of the place, and if that wasn't sketchy enough, they live in the middle of nowhere, literally at the very tip of a dead end road. They said there's a place for the dogs to watch tv (ummm, what dog watches tv? mine pesters me while I try to watch re-runs of Friends on my laptop for goodness sake), and a half acre for up to 8 dogs.

What's even worse, is if we do end up leaving him there, the boarding place is located wayyyyy up at his parent's place. So we would have to drive all the way up there before coming home, which of course would prompt them to insist we stay with them another night. And that would cause me to have to get many more years of therapy, more than I'll already need from my past exposures to them.

I have a very bad feeling about this place, I've seen pictures and it looks dumpy, and run down. It's run by two seniors, who I very much doubt can keep up with my 8 month old boarder collie cross. And if he's left to his own devices, he'll tear the place down. I also don't want him to -god forbid- get away, because he is not micro-chipped yet (that'll be happening with the neutering, appointment pending, thank god!), and I would be heart broken if I lost my dog.

So I don't know what to do, am I just being stubborn? Or should I stick to my guns and go with my gut?

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post #2 of 25 Old 08-03-2012, 12:32 AM
Join Date: Aug 2010
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Can't you have a friend watch the dog for you?

It's pretty clear that they don't want your pup being left in their house, so it's up to you whether you board it or not - but it's their house, and that's a no go.
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post #3 of 25 Old 08-03-2012, 12:43 AM
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How about "sorry he hasn't had his bordetella vaccination yet and a month isn't enough time to make the appointment and for him to gain proper immunity."
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post #4 of 25 Old 08-03-2012, 09:39 AM
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Say no. Offer to stay at a hotel if they don't want the dog along with. If they refuse to let the dog stay at their house, drop out of the trip entirely. Explain your reasons number one and two that you posted along with the extra drive time. Also point out about your vehicle not being good on gas so you'd prefer that someone else drove as it would be cheaper for everyone - as they should be chipping in for gas if they want you to drive.

I think the part of you that doesn't want them to "win" is stubborn but your reasons otherwise are very valid. If push comes to show, both of you can back out of the trip or you can just stay home while they go. I think though that as a couple you should have a units front and if one of you stays behind you both should but that's just my personal thought on it.
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post #5 of 25 Old 08-03-2012, 09:43 AM
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Oh no. No, no, no. My dog is a part of the family, if my dog(s) aren't welcome, I ain't welcome. All of my family visits back and forth and we bring however many dogs we want to. When my sister visits she always brings 2 or 3. So our house can be a madhouse with her dogs and my dogs and the kids, but we don't care.
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post #6 of 25 Old 08-03-2012, 09:47 AM
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Originally Posted by CCH View Post
How about "sorry he hasn't had his bordetella vaccination yet and a month isn't enough time to make the appointment and for him to gain proper immunity."
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Because it's not true.

My dog has had her bordetella vaccination a week before going to the kennel in the past, and they've never turned her away. I give a copy of her vaccination certificate to the kennel every year.

OP, I know you love your dog but not everyone does, nor should they have to put up with him.

Either find a reputable kennel and leave your dog there, or drop out of the trip and deal with the fallout from the in-laws.

You can't be 'forced into' anything, unless you're a minor child. Find your ovaries, put on your big girl panties, and stand up for yourself.

You want the truth? You can't HANDLE the truth!
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post #7 of 25 Old 08-03-2012, 10:20 AM
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Go with your gut. Find a friend to watch the pup at your house if you can not take it or say dog goes or I don't. Jmo.
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post #8 of 25 Old 08-03-2012, 10:47 AM
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Location: South Dakota
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As much as you love your dog and I love mine... they never go with if I am not taking my own vehicle and staying on my own. Sorry you are imposing and that is a huge NO/NO. Either find a friend to keep your dog, board it or drive up on your own and get your own place to stay that is dog friendly.

I love my dog but don't bring yours to my house. I don't like playing hostess to anyone else's pets. You are always welcome here but this is where my pets live and I don't want them to feel threatened, territorial and I have small pets (hamster, tortoise and a bird) that not all dogs have been exposed to and don't want them harassed either.

Sorry but you are in the wrong here :) Just because you love your dog and feel as if it is a part of your family not everyone else is going to feel that way.
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post #9 of 25 Old 08-03-2012, 11:07 AM
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Find a kennel or someone to look after your dog at home or don't go.
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post #10 of 25 Old 08-03-2012, 11:45 AM
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i wouldnt go to the wedding. Tell them money is tight and you just cant afford it. I'd totally skip out given the circumstances
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