I turned 18 in April, about the same time I met Shane, who I genuinely love, I told her I wanted to spend the night after about a month and a half of dating (not just talking, we talked for about two months and then started dating) she had a complete fit and told me I'd never spend the night until I was done with college and moved out..Didn't happen, as I've spent quite a few nights with him at his parents' house. I'm the oldest and my mother favours my brother, he's the good kid and I'm always the bad one. I know that I've talked back and haven't always done my share of work around the house because both my brother and I were babied, but since I've been with Shane she's seen an improvement in my attitude, willingness to do work around the house, and my general personality. I have anger issues and a HUGE temper, but we've had less fights since she's dropped the "you're my baby!" deal and we've been getting along a little better.
I've always faced "bullies" in school saying about how I'm a guy and have male parts, and what-have-you. Not that I didn't deal with it well, but it made me defensive and really aggressive in my personality. For me to find someone who doesn't have any issue that I wear basketball shorts, pull my hair up, don't wear makeup, and am more than willing to protect something I care about the easiest way (generally violence, be it hollering or physically) has helped me out a lot. For me, to be able to fall asleep somewhere other than my home is a big deal. My guard has always been up and I've always been defensive toward everyone, but I can pass right out if Shane's there, even with other people. My mum finally realises this and doesn't have an issue with me spending the night or going out with him, even though she doesn't particularly like him. I know that my mum favours my brother, yet I know she cares about my happiness and can trust me to do the right thing/handle myself enough to let me leave without her watch to go to a Man's house, regardless of if his parents live there as well or not.
But..I guess I kinda went a bit off-topic, though I was trying to say that it might very well change in a year or two about how they think of things.
While I'm only 18, I'm pretty sure that I'll allow my son/daughter to have their bf/gf over for sleepovers starting around 16. If they spend the night here, I can get a general idea of what's going on. I know I told my mum when she first said hell no that she should be glad I want her permission instead of lying and saying I'm at a female friend's house and going to his instead. If something were to happen (anything), she wouldn't know where I was right away, and that's not what I want. While I trust Shane with my life, something could still happen and I'd want my mum to be able to be there. Maybe I would've lied I'd she would have refused to let me stay, but maybe I wouldn't have. I can't say for sure.
What I'm saying is, show your parents that you're responsible, maybe sit down and have a "sex talk" with your mum/dad (whoever you feel comfortable talking about it with) and explain your stance, have his parents talk with yours, etc. But, I would definitely tell him not to help do anything anymore. It's unfair to him that he's doing all this work to help your parents, yet getting absolutely no thanks or reciprocation. I thought Shane's mum hated me because she was always quiet and didn't say hi when I did, but I found that she actually likes me, she's just shy as well. Yet, Shane kept asking me why I even cared what his mum thought, he liked me and she didn't have to. While normally I could care less what someone thinks of me, I'd rather not have my potential mother-in-law hate me for unknown reasons. I ended up talking to her one day when Shane got upset and ran off somewhere and had a whole conversation on why she was withdrawn/rude/etc. Only reason was that she felt it was a little awkward because I never talked to her when I was there, after a discussion about why not and how I was shy we can have a nice conversation when I come over, a goodnight (staying or leaving), and no harsh feelings.
But, good luck with whatever you decide to do, and I hope it works out well for you. You're parents might just feel like the relationship won't last and don't want to put any effort into making him feel welcome..that's how my Nana is, she swears we're goingto break up when I leave for college 3 hours away, haha. I doubt it, but she's older and she has more experience than I do, so she's allowed to have her opinion, as I'm allowed to have mine.
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