Rant; Unfair to My Boyfriend - Page 2

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Rant; Unfair to My Boyfriend

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    07-24-2012, 04:00 PM
Green Broke
While my mother said she was going to do the same thing when she realised I started looking/liking boys, she never actually did. She'd constantly text and make me call her every few hours, she didn't have the confidence in herself to go on a date with me to watch. I know she's asked acquaintances of hers to keep an eye out if they saw me and let her know, she never spied on me either.
I turned 18 in April, about the same time I met Shane, who I genuinely love, I told her I wanted to spend the night after about a month and a half of dating (not just talking, we talked for about two months and then started dating) she had a complete fit and told me I'd never spend the night until I was done with college and moved out..Didn't happen, as I've spent quite a few nights with him at his parents' house. I'm the oldest and my mother favours my brother, he's the good kid and I'm always the bad one. I know that I've talked back and haven't always done my share of work around the house because both my brother and I were babied, but since I've been with Shane she's seen an improvement in my attitude, willingness to do work around the house, and my general personality. I have anger issues and a HUGE temper, but we've had less fights since she's dropped the "you're my baby!" deal and we've been getting along a little better.

I've always faced "bullies" in school saying about how I'm a guy and have male parts, and what-have-you. Not that I didn't deal with it well, but it made me defensive and really aggressive in my personality. For me to find someone who doesn't have any issue that I wear basketball shorts, pull my hair up, don't wear makeup, and am more than willing to protect something I care about the easiest way (generally violence, be it hollering or physically) has helped me out a lot. For me, to be able to fall asleep somewhere other than my home is a big deal. My guard has always been up and I've always been defensive toward everyone, but I can pass right out if Shane's there, even with other people. My mum finally realises this and doesn't have an issue with me spending the night or going out with him, even though she doesn't particularly like him. I know that my mum favours my brother, yet I know she cares about my happiness and can trust me to do the right thing/handle myself enough to let me leave without her watch to go to a Man's house, regardless of if his parents live there as well or not.

But..I guess I kinda went a bit off-topic, though I was trying to say that it might very well change in a year or two about how they think of things.
While I'm only 18, I'm pretty sure that I'll allow my son/daughter to have their bf/gf over for sleepovers starting around 16. If they spend the night here, I can get a general idea of what's going on. I know I told my mum when she first said hell no that she should be glad I want her permission instead of lying and saying I'm at a female friend's house and going to his instead. If something were to happen (anything), she wouldn't know where I was right away, and that's not what I want. While I trust Shane with my life, something could still happen and I'd want my mum to be able to be there. Maybe I would've lied I'd she would have refused to let me stay, but maybe I wouldn't have. I can't say for sure.
What I'm saying is, show your parents that you're responsible, maybe sit down and have a "sex talk" with your mum/dad (whoever you feel comfortable talking about it with) and explain your stance, have his parents talk with yours, etc. But, I would definitely tell him not to help do anything anymore. It's unfair to him that he's doing all this work to help your parents, yet getting absolutely no thanks or reciprocation. I thought Shane's mum hated me because she was always quiet and didn't say hi when I did, but I found that she actually likes me, she's just shy as well. Yet, Shane kept asking me why I even cared what his mum thought, he liked me and she didn't have to. While normally I could care less what someone thinks of me, I'd rather not have my potential mother-in-law hate me for unknown reasons. I ended up talking to her one day when Shane got upset and ran off somewhere and had a whole conversation on why she was withdrawn/rude/etc. Only reason was that she felt it was a little awkward because I never talked to her when I was there, after a discussion about why not and how I was shy we can have a nice conversation when I come over, a goodnight (staying or leaving), and no harsh feelings.

But, good luck with whatever you decide to do, and I hope it works out well for you. You're parents might just feel like the relationship won't last and don't want to put any effort into making him feel welcome..that's how my Nana is, she swears we're goingto break up when I leave for college 3 hours away, haha. I doubt it, but she's older and she has more experience than I do, so she's allowed to have her opinion, as I'm allowed to have mine.
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    07-24-2012, 06:07 PM
It does sound like he is a nice young man.
I don't know how old your boyfriend is, but your parents may be protecting him. If he is 18, he is legally an adult. You are underage. If there is even suspicion of an inappropriate relationship, he could be accused, tried, and convicted of statutory rape. You will be 18 in two years. As soon as you are an adult and you are financially supporting yourself, then you can make your own decisions about what you do and with whom.
    07-24-2012, 06:17 PM
Why do your parents let him sleep over ?!?! Who cares if he doesnt live that close, pick up the phone.
    07-25-2012, 08:32 AM
Faye: What I meant by them not trusting me when he sleeps over, is that my dad stays up as long as possible to watch me sleep.. lol. Just to make sure I don't go down there. I'm not trying to be able to sleep in the same bed as him, I do know I'm not quite an adult yet and I'm not trying to be one, I just feel that my parents hold me back way too much. I don't really do anything at all because of them.

All of you who don't understand why he gets to stay in the first place, I see your point in a way but neither of us would ever do anything inappropriate, we're more responsible than that and if we weren't, and did try something, we would be caught in .2 seconds.

Celeste: He is 17, will be 18 in a few months.. but when I met him he was 16, and they acted the same way.

Val: My parents don't yell at her, sometimes they will ask her to do something but she says no, or she'll say she will and I end up doing it because my parents say that they told me to do it, not her.. She is almost 21, and we support her almost fully and she does nothing to help. Yet she is one of the favorites..

Speed Racer: They do talk once in a while, but nothing comes out of it. My parents are stubborn..
And they think that I've done a lot of stuff, but I haven't. A few years ago my ex best friend's dad called them and said I was smoking pot, having sex and lots of other things I can't remember. They believed him. I wasn't even with the people he was talking about.
They also believe everything my sister tells them, which is ALOT of bad stuff. She told them me and bf had sex on several occasions when we had only known each other for a couple months... so they think that I'm a ****, druggy and who knows what else. They believe anybody over me. I never did any of that stuff. (Oh, did I mention I can't be around any type of smoke very long, or I get really sick. And yet somehow I can still smoke pot...)

I think they also don't like me much because I'm a lot different than them, I don't have anything in common with them and I'm not very good at school.
A lot of it started when I got sick though, they say its my fault but I don't understand how it is.

They also tell me that they trust me 100%, but won't let me out of their sight. Eg: Yesterday evening Garrett and I went canoeing in our lake, that is right behind the house and sat on the swings. The only thing they did while we were out there is sit behind the big window we have and watch us.

I understand being checked on.. but its uncomfortable when you always have someone breathing down your neck so to speak.

And prom? Noo way, if I'm going to prom my parents are going with me...
    07-25-2012, 08:37 AM
Oh and, Val: What I meant by acting like a couple is getting to do things, like go on dates. We have been mistaken for siblings twice because we weren't aloud to hold hands at the time and were always with my whole family.
    07-25-2012, 08:37 AM
Then why does he get to stay ? I still don't understand.
    07-25-2012, 08:44 AM
He gets to stay because my parents don't want to drive him back and his dad doesn't always have gas to come get him.

I think they also realize that I'm only happy for an extended period of time when he's with me. I'm not dependent on him, its just that I have nothing in my home that makes me happy.
    07-25-2012, 10:47 AM
Originally Posted by Foxesdontwearbowties    
My parents don't yell at her, sometimes they will ask her to do something but she says no, or she'll say she will and I end up doing it because my parents say that they told me to do it, not her.. She is almost 21, and we support her almost fully and she does nothing to help. Yet she is one of the favorites..
Foxy, personally I'd ignore yelling and just do what your sister does at least once or twice. If yelling starts just stand up your ground and point at her and tell the parents she has to work as well. That's it.
    07-25-2012, 11:05 AM
My parents were extremely strict. They didn't want me to go places or do things. They were constantly worried about me being exposed to sex, drugs, or alcohol. At the time, I thought that they would drive me crazy. I actually survived it. They helped me to realize that as long as I was dependent on them financially, I would never have freedom. I went to college, got my degrees, and I make my own living. I don't want anybody (husband, parents, other) keeping me up. I have the freedom to make my own decisions (within reason) because I make my own money and I make it honestly.

Your parents are just being parents. They are actually being pretty generous to let you see your boyfriend at all. Mine would not have gone to get him. If he didn't have his own car, he wouldn't have been coming over. For that matter, I would not have driven to the next town to pick up my daughter's boyfriend. He would have had to get a job, buy a car, and driven himself. That is showing responsibility. BTW, I am glad that he is close to your age.
    07-25-2012, 11:14 AM
Val: I may do this.. I just get extremely uncomfortable during confrontations because I can either not say anything, or if I start to say something I get really heated and start yelling, which I don't like doing because it only gets me in more trouble.

I understand that they are being parents, and I know that some parents are even more strict, I guess when your in the situation you just want out though.

And he is working on getting a car, he works for his dad doing construction and gets $10 an hour, he is just saving up to get something that will last instead of buying a junk car.

And he lives 40 miles away. So its a bit farther than the next town, lol.
And yes, I wouldn't date anybody older than he is at the age that I am, he'll be 18 while I'm 17 but I know that there is nothing illegal going on so it doesn't bother me.

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