Rant about life.

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Rant about life.

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    09-12-2010, 02:34 PM
Rant about life.

I'm sure this is going to be met with comments like "life's not fair" and "grow up" but I really need to get this off my chest so I will post anyway.

I've had a farily bad week and have just been pretty stressed out in general lately. I work a minimum wage job where I do the work of a manager (I'm supposedly in the process of being promoted but I really don't trust that it's going to happen any time soon, if at all). This means I get all the headache and responsabilities of someone in charge, without the extra money or respect because in reality I'm still just a sales associate. I would try and get a better job but I am terrible at interviewing and it's a miracle I got this job. Even when I think I've done well at an interview peoeple tell me I sounded awkward and said the wrong things. So I'm not holding out much hope for getting anything better.

What prompted the writing of this is that last night my mom told my brother and me that we have to pay for our own gas from now on. I know this sounds like a reasonable and fair request but I don't see it that way. Let me start by saying my mom constantly tells me that she tries to make things fair for the 3 of us (me, my brother, and my sister). Well my parents (and it's actually my dad paying; my mom doesn't even have a job) have been paying for my siblings gas since they were 16 (ones 20 and the other is 23 now). I started driving when I was 20. I'm about to be 22. On one hand, I know pretty much no one else my age has their parents paying for gas, and I've always recognized how lucky I am that they do. On the other hand, my mom claims she is fair with us. I've gotten far less gas paid for than they have simply because I started driving later in life. And it's not like I had them driving me around all those years I wasn't driving. I stayed home and did nothing. Also, my brother having to pay for gas is not a big deal. He doesn't go anywhere. He lives at school so he doesn't have a car, and wen he comes home he uses someone elses car. So if whatever car he's using happens to be on empty then he might have to pay for gas.

I know I sound like a whiney little kid, but I can't help feeling like I'm being punished for something. I work my butt off for very little money so that I can pay for my horse. I can afford him but I can't afford gas too. I thought that wouldn't be a problem because my parents have been paying for gas, and if they were going to stop I thought it would be something fair like once we reached a certain age, so that it was the same for all of us. Or at least that I would have some warning.

I really don't know what to do at this point. When I talked about leasing a horse my mom said she didn't think I could afford it. She never mentioned that I'd have to be paying for my own gas. I go more places than anyone else and I also have the least amount of money, because I have things I need to pay for, like my horse. I work harder than either of my siblings do (partially because I actually work) but my parents don't see that. I mentioned once that I do more than my brother and sister and I got laughed at. I have a job where I'm working 20+ hours a week, I'm a full time student, I work at my barn to pay for lessons (and now I'm working there more to pay for shows), I have a horse to lease. I'm doing all these things by myself. The only thing my brother and sister do is go to school. They don't have any things that they work for for themselves. I know this really has nothing to do wioth gas anymore but I really feel like I work so hard and no one sees it. I'm not good at school so I'm the irresponsable screw up. I'm the one who's never going to amount to anything. I'm the one who doesn't work for anything, who doesn't try. I don't do well at the things they want, so they don't see any of the things I've done.

I'm just so tired of it. It's like that at work too, but I know there that it happens to everyone in charge. Everyone is always blaming eachother for things not getting done. Everyone always claims they're the ones doing all the work and no one else does anything. So when it started happening to me it was hard but I know that's how things go. Anyway if anyone has any advice that would be great. If you want to tell me I'm a winey brat and I should be greatful for all the things my parents do for me, go ahead. And if you actually made it through all of this thanks for reading it.
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    09-13-2010, 04:04 AM
I don't think you are a brat. Whining? Well, maybe. But not a brat. Anyone who wants a horse bad enough to work for it is not a brat.
I wonder if your parents' finincial situation has changed such that even things like gas for their children has to be considered carefully. I run a household of 4 and I know that things that I never really gave much thought to are now becoming expensive enough that they matter. Actually, I take that back, it's more that certain things like the cost of health insurance/care have skyrocketed sooooo much that one has to think about squeezing money from other places to pay for it , as it is so essential.
There are ways to minimize the number of trips you have to make which reduces your gas cost. Of course , that's not going to take care of the situation. In all honesty, I don't have any real advice.
Well, here's one small idea; Could you give a lesson to a beginner from time to time? You charge 25$. Two lessons and it's a tank of gas.
I give lounge line lessons to friends sometimes. They just want someone to hold the line, keep the horse steady and give feedback. Its' really fun for both of us. I do it in a round pen sometimes.

Otherwise, I can say that it really isn't fair amoung siblings. I am one of 5, and can remember so many times I was just steamed with the unfairness of it all. Especially when you're the kid who is the responsible one.; Instead of being rewarded with more attention, your parents feel that since you are doing so well on your own, they have the freedom to give more attention to the other kids who seem to need it more. It's the old thing of the squeeky wheel gets the grease. I now know the other side of this story as I have two sons, and there is no way that I am able to divide my attention and resource equally between them. The older one's needs are constantly cutting into my time/money and the younger just had to wait. Gues which child will go far?

Hope you are feeling the tiniest bit better after your rant. Is'nt it cool to just rant away to stranger?

Cheers for now.
    09-13-2010, 02:50 PM
Thanks for reading and responding. I do feel a bit better, but I always calm down after a day or so.

At this point I am over the unfairness of it. I know the sitiuation isn't going to change so I'm just trying to figure out how to make it work. I don't really have any free time left to do anything more than what I'm already doing, so working more for extra money isn't really an option unless I want to give up sleep and someone has a job that I can do at night. I'm trying to sell some things but that's not really a long term fix, just a way to get some extra money right now. I think I'm supposed to be getting a raise soon, but I don't know when or how much it will be. I've been trying to figure out ways to combine my trips to save gas but nothing I do is close enough to eachother to make a difference. I mean, the barn I work at is close to my school, but none of my barn shifts are anywhere near class time so that doesn't help. And the barn where my horse is, is half way between my house and work so that helps sometimes, but usually that just leaves me with the choice of going to work smelling like horse (not good when you work at the mall) or ride late at night. I'm not really a fan of the riding late at night option because if something were to happen, at least during the day people will be around at some point. I am trying to see if I can get my horse (I'm leasing him so he's not actually mine) moved to the barn where I work. Then I wouldn't have to make 2 trips to work and ride. I could just hop on after I finish my work.

So right now my only solution, besides selling some stuff, is to cut out any unnecessary trips. So no more social life for me til I have more money. Which is ironic since my mom always wanted me to go make friends and do things with them. My only other plan is to see if she will pay for one tank a month. I'm hoping she will be willing to make some sort of compromise since this came out of no where and I didn't have any time to prepare.
    09-13-2010, 03:00 PM
Amba, you may have to give up the horse.

At 22 y/o you should be concentrating on your job and schooling right now, not trying to worry about how you're going to swing leasing a horse on top of all your other expenses and responsibilities.

An education will be beneficial to you the rest of your life, and will give you the ability to make a better living.

Horses are always going to be there. You can pick up where you left off once you're on your own and financially sound.

Right now, it sounds as if you're running yourself ragged trying to find a solution to everything. Instead of adding more stress to your life, it's time to get rid of some.

If I were you, I'd cancel the lease and come back to horses later.
    09-13-2010, 03:22 PM
I have already given up horses once, it's not going to happen again. That was the biggest mistake I have ever made. I appreciate the advice and understand where you are coming from but it's just not an option for me.

School is taken care of. I have a very nice college fund to keep me going for awhile. I hope this will be my last year, but if I needed to spend another 5 to get a degree, I'm set to do that. As far as my job goes, the only reason it is of any importance to me is because it allows me to pay for Lucas. I know I need to be responsable and have a job, but at this point in my life I have no motivation to have or keep a job. Except for Lucas. Bad, I know, but hopefully one day paying the rent will be enough motivation. Since I don't have to worry about rent right now, this is I keep myself motivated. I was making enough to pay for Lucas each month with a little left over to go into savings. Unfortunatly the little bit that's left over isn't enough for a month of gas.

And one last note: if I gave up horses my mom would go right back to paying for gas. The only reason she stopped is because I go places other than school. So yeah if I gave up horses for right now I would have plenty of money. But I've lived that life and I'm not going back to it. I'll take the stress.
    09-13-2010, 03:26 PM
The horse is a leased horse? I did not catch that. Good thing there wasn't a pop quiz!
I agree that you may have to give up the lease, OR change the lease. Maybe the owner will let you lessen the amount you pay. Sometimes owners are so glad to have someone resonsible and good taking care of their horses that they would rather "rent" the horse out for less than go looking for another lessor who may or may not be so reliable.
I lease, too, you know. Over the years I have leased from 5 or 6 different folks and almost all of them have relly appreaciated how carefully I cared for their babies... So, ask that person. Explain your circumstances and see if you could ride 1/2 as much for a 1/2 reduction if fees. They may be very understanding and will accept the reduction in fee and not want to reduce the riding time , as it keeps their horse in shape.
Just a thought.
What are you studying in college?
    09-13-2010, 03:31 PM
Everyone has to make their own decisions and live with the consequences, so good luck to you.

At 22 y/o I had already been living on my own for 4 years paying rent, utilities, a car payment, food, and everything necessary to live independently. I also had my first horse. Owned, not leased.

I'm going to say you have a pretty sweet deal, especially if you're not required to pay for anything except the horse and gas money.

When I got my first job and was still living at home, my parents expected me to pay rent. I'm glad they did, because they set me up to be able to take care of myself and not expect hand outs just because someone's related to me.

Sounds like all 3 of you might need a little 'tough love'. You think your parents are being hard on you, and I think they're not being hard enough. They're not doing you any favors because the world is a harsh, unforgiving place, and the sooner you learn to stand on your own two feet and make decisions like adults, the better off you'll be.
    09-13-2010, 04:42 PM
Speed Racer I totally agreed with you. I don't think my parents are being hard on me. Like I said from the beginning, I'm being a whiney brat. I have it good and I know it. So when one of the good things I've got gets taken away, I'm going to complain. It just helps me work through it and get out my frustration. If I thought I was actually being wronged here I would still be complaining about them not paying. One of my closest friends has lived on her own since she was 16. I am the only person I know who didn't have to pay for their own gas. Heck I'm the only one I know that didn't have to find themselves a car. So believe me I am aware I've got it good. Maybe if my parents had been a little tougher on me it would be better for me in the long run. Maybe I would be more responsible now. Maybe not. I know people who had parents who didn't give them anything, and they still can't live on their own. We'll never know how it would've turned out for me. All I know is that I'm working on making myself responsible by giving myself something to pay for and look after.

Tiny- Yes, I'm leasing. The situation sort of just fell into my lap, as I was originally going to be saving up to buy a horse. It was going to be a big challenge; I like to spend my money and if I don't have an immediate reason to not spend, I'll spend. Then my friend that I met through work told me she had to sell her horse. This brings me to why I can't ask for a cheaper lease. Her parents want to sell her horse, but were willing to do a lease. So I said I would lease him for her. I'm not even paying for all of his board. I pay farrier, they pay any vet bills. It really is a money issue for them so at this point I am paying what they need so they don't have to sell him. I don't know what we're going to do when my friend comes home from school. We had talked about going to a half lease but I don't know if her parents can afford that.

I think that covers everything. Oh, I am a sociology major. I don't really have any interest in it but after 5 years I had to pick something.
    09-13-2010, 04:45 PM
Originally Posted by Amba1027    
I like to spend my money and if I don't have an immediate reason to not spend, I'll spend.
I think you just hit the nail on the head.

Your parent's are probably tired of supporting you while you spend your money on whatever you want to spend your money on.

Good for them. Teaching some facts of life. Maybe a little late in life, but heck, better late than never.

I understand wanting to whimper and complain though.
    09-13-2010, 05:10 PM
You may be right but I don't think that's their reason. My sister is 2 years older than I am. She's tried to move out twice. Both times my mom freaked out. She doesn't want her babies to realise they could live on their own because then we might leave her. If this were coming from my dad then I might believe that this was a move to make us more resposible. But coming from my mom it's probably more of an attempt to keep us at home more because we can't afford gas.

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