I've had a farily bad week and have just been pretty stressed out in general lately. I work a minimum wage job where I do the work of a manager (I'm supposedly in the process of being promoted but I really don't trust that it's going to happen any time soon, if at all). This means I get all the headache and responsabilities of someone in charge, without the extra money or respect because in reality I'm still just a sales associate. I would try and get a better job but I am terrible at interviewing and it's a miracle I got this job. Even when I think I've done well at an interview peoeple tell me I sounded awkward and said the wrong things. So I'm not holding out much hope for getting anything better.
What prompted the writing of this is that last night my mom told my brother and me that we have to pay for our own gas from now on. I know this sounds like a reasonable and fair request but I don't see it that way. Let me start by saying my mom constantly tells me that she tries to make things fair for the 3 of us (me, my brother, and my sister). Well my parents (and it's actually my dad paying; my mom doesn't even have a job) have been paying for my siblings gas since they were 16 (ones 20 and the other is 23 now). I started driving when I was 20. I'm about to be 22. On one hand, I know pretty much no one else my age has their parents paying for gas, and I've always recognized how lucky I am that they do. On the other hand, my mom claims she is fair with us. I've gotten far less gas paid for than they have simply because I started driving later in life. And it's not like I had them driving me around all those years I wasn't driving. I stayed home and did nothing. Also, my brother having to pay for gas is not a big deal. He doesn't go anywhere. He lives at school so he doesn't have a car, and wen he comes home he uses someone elses car. So if whatever car he's using happens to be on empty then he might have to pay for gas.
I know I sound like a whiney little kid, but I can't help feeling like I'm being punished for something. I work my butt off for very little money so that I can pay for my horse. I can afford him but I can't afford gas too. I thought that wouldn't be a problem because my parents have been paying for gas, and if they were going to stop I thought it would be something fair like once we reached a certain age, so that it was the same for all of us. Or at least that I would have some warning.
I really don't know what to do at this point. When I talked about leasing a horse my mom said she didn't think I could afford it. She never mentioned that I'd have to be paying for my own gas. I go more places than anyone else and I also have the least amount of money, because I have things I need to pay for, like my horse. I work harder than either of my siblings do (partially because I actually work) but my parents don't see that. I mentioned once that I do more than my brother and sister and I got laughed at. I have a job where I'm working 20+ hours a week, I'm a full time student, I work at my barn to pay for lessons (and now I'm working there more to pay for shows), I have a horse to lease. I'm doing all these things by myself. The only thing my brother and sister do is go to school. They don't have any things that they work for for themselves. I know this really has nothing to do wioth gas anymore but I really feel like I work so hard and no one sees it. I'm not good at school so I'm the irresponsable screw up. I'm the one who's never going to amount to anything. I'm the one who doesn't work for anything, who doesn't try. I don't do well at the things they want, so they don't see any of the things I've done.
I'm just so tired of it. It's like that at work too, but I know there that it happens to everyone in charge. Everyone is always blaming eachother for things not getting done. Everyone always claims they're the ones doing all the work and no one else does anything. So when it started happening to me it was hard but I know that's how things go. Anyway if anyone has any advice that would be great. If you want to tell me I'm a winey brat and I should be greatful for all the things my parents do for me, go ahead. And if you actually made it through all of this thanks for reading it.