Rant--such narrow-minded people... - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 20 Old 06-03-2014, 10:14 PM Thread Starter
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Rant--such narrow-minded people...

I've grown up in a family with two parents who have strong views one way or another. They're both conservatives, they think homosexualism is wrong, they believe in the 'traditional' family and traditional male/female roles, my mom is Catholic and has very strong views on that, and they're somewhat racist. I get that, it's great to have opinions. However, it is NOT great to force that on your kids. Throughout my whole life, they have made it seem like 'their way' is the only right way, and anything I believe differently is 'wrong.' I try sometimes to have a nice debate with one of them (usually my mom) and they will override me with their opinion and it makes me look stupid and naive. But I'm not, I've been in many classes (high school and college) in which we were allowed to express our opinions, and urged to be open-minded. I know things too, I read and research. I love the people who can have their own opinions, but who can be accepting and respectful of others. I also love parents who let their kids develop their own beliefs, and have their own ideas. I'm not a little kid anymore, to where my parents can tell me what to do or what to think. I have hated being in such a narrow-minded, unnaccepting family.
This is my rant. I'm pretty frustrated right now. If anyone wants to chime in, feel free.
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post #2 of 20 Old 06-03-2014, 10:54 PM
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Well I'm happy you turned out to be an open minded individual instead of a brainwashed "hater"! Keep it up!
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post #3 of 20 Old 06-03-2014, 11:20 PM
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I am another person with very strong views and I sometimes disagree with my parents. They're not ultra-conservative and neither am I - sometimes I find myself being more old-fashioned than them! Fortunately my parents are usually in the mood for a debate and while they want to convince me that they're right I think they understand that I'm not really going to change my opinions unless they can give me some really compelling evidence.

Keep being an independent person true to your beliefs! It must be pretty frustrating not being able to say what you think.

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post #4 of 20 Old 06-03-2014, 11:31 PM
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You're suffering from what I call "Powdered Butt" syndrome. How can you possibly have learned anything in the short time you've been on earth? Just yesterday I powdered your butt. You can't win that one. Just smile, nod, say, "MmmHmm" or "Thanks Mom" and let it go.

I too am glad you've grown u[ to be someone who will think for herself, not just what you've been spoon fed.

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post #5 of 20 Old 06-03-2014, 11:40 PM
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You are not going to change your parents opinions by debating them. Actions speak louder than words. Live your life as you see fit and be happy. That is the best revenge and will make them wonder about their narrow views of the world.
You cant choose your own family. You can create another one though with friends who love and accept you unconditionally.
Their ignorance does not reflect on you. So do not allow it to. Shalom
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post #6 of 20 Old 06-03-2014, 11:49 PM
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I can understand what you are saying, but I think its not as simple as it seems.

If I had kids I'd think it would be extremely important to raise them with good values. My values. To me that would include embracing a range of sexualities and cultures in society. I'd pass other values. Like to be critical of the world, to ask questions, to seek understanding. I'd try to teach them kindness to animals and people, valuing equality, helping others, stuff like that. That's what I believe makes a good person so that's what I'd try to pass on.

But some people don't share my beliefs. I know many Christian families who believe that their beliefs and values are obviously right. That their values are extremely important to them. So of course they'd pass on what they believe is right. What they believe makes a good person. And it's probably a bit different from what I believe. Or other families that believe in ambition, or other things, many other things.That's the thing in life, we're given the opportunity to live, discover, make up own minds, then have children and try to shape them into the best humans we can.

Your parents believe what they believe. They think it's right. They think it's best belief to hold. So of course they'd pass it on to their children. They raised you and you've learned other things that they never did, so you'll have your own beliefs and probably one day pass them onto your children. And who knows, maybe by then they'll think your beliefs are wrong and hurtful, and will fight you about that.

To say other people's beliefs and wrong and they should change, regardless how much I believe that, is close minded in it's own way. Accepting difference isn't just accepting the things you like. It's accepting that everyone is different, and has their own opinions and beliefs and some of those are hurtful. But I think it's important to remember that your parents don't think this is wrong, they think they are doing the best they can. If you can't admire their beliefs, admire their intentions for you, to be the best person you can, even if it's in a different way to how it turned out.

Accepting family and dealing with it everyday can be one of the hardest things. I myself am related some extremely homophobic, racist and downright unkind people. It sucks. Accept the things, and people, you cannot change, and work towards the things you can.
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post #7 of 20 Old 06-04-2014, 03:44 AM
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Dream catcher has it right - to your parents you will always be their 'child' regardless of how old you get to be!

I think all of us that have reached adulthood and those with children have all said "When I have children I will never make them do such and such!" But then they find that they are doing what their parents did/said to them!

If your parents grew up with their parents not allowing them to have a differing opinion then they are more likely to follow suit.

Just nod and agree rather then get into a head on. Be what you want to be.
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post #8 of 20 Old 06-04-2014, 07:49 AM
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Never mind the parents. Rise above your upbringing and be the person you know you should be.
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post #9 of 20 Old 06-04-2014, 11:06 AM
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Thankfully, with each generation our society seems to be more accepting of individual differences, although we still have not achieved total equality. It IS coming, though.

When I was a kid, the big shocker was gays "coming out" and the 3 blacks and 6 latinos that started to attend our high school. Today, it's no big deal and I see even teenagers being more open about their sexuality.

But, if you go back just one generation to when my parents were young, the big shocker was when my Dad, a protestant, starting dating an Irish Catholic girl. A BIG no-no back then, which their respective parents put an end to. Nowadays, no one would even bat an eyelash. Heck, I even wound up marrying a Catholic myself!

And, if you go back another generation, women had basically no rights whatsoever and weren't allowed to vote. Go back one more generation, and blacks were still slaves. Look how far they've come since!

You cannot re-educate your own parents. It simply will not happen. You need to be respectful of their views, but you are already are determining your own, which is positive. Many people's racism, homophobia, etc. are based on their own ignorance and fear of the unknown. At least you know that your own children will not be so narrow-minded, because you will teach them not to be.

And, if your parent's arguments are religion-based and relentless, remind them that only God can judge our actions.
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post #10 of 20 Old 06-05-2014, 12:07 AM
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I've learned love is an easier life to live than a hatred one! It's not our place to judge anyone. My dad has a very didn't view on life than I do. I love him dearly but I don't talk religion or politics to him because we differ so much, but he is old school. Forgive their short comings because they will always be your parents and I think they love you very much.
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