Re-do a wedding? - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 13 Old 11-12-2012, 05:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re-do a wedding?

So, here's the backstory -
I had a very small, very quick wedding when I married my beloved husband of (now) 5 years.
Then, he was a Marine, and was going to deploy in September of 2007. In February of 2007, we knew we wanted to marry each other. It was such an immense love that has only grown over the years.
A very real fear in our lives then was that he would not make it back home. My husband knew he was going to be in an incredibly dangerous situation and was very literally afraid for his life.
We decided to be married before he deployed. I know this sounds dramatic, but if he were to die, he wanted to die as my husband, not my boyfriend.
We were also in a long distance relationship at the time, living 17 hours apart. So he checked with his command for the nearest 3 day weekend so we could meet halfway and tie the knot.
That Saturday happened to be July 7th - 7/7/07
We were married in his mom's backyard, I wore a $30 dress from Ross, the cake was last minute and my M.I.L. picked up a $15 rose bouquet from costco. It was 112' degrees in Bakersfield and the only people in my family that could make it on such short notice were my mom and step dad.
We had a one night honeymoon in a nice hotel, and the next day I had to get back on a bus to northern Ca while he went back to south to camp Pendleton. We didn't see each other for another 3 weeks, waiting til we could afford an apartment. When I did move down, we had 3 days together before he had to leave on a field operation for 2 weeks. The next 2 months were like that, scattered trainings where he would be gone for days or weeks, until he deployed for 7 months. I got to talk to him about 4 times on the phone during that 7 month time, and emails about once a week.
We have now been married for 5 years, and our love has grown stronger and stronger over the years. I love him more today than I did yesterday, and we have a beautiful 1 year old baby boy.
So, our plan was always to have a 'big wedding'... I wish I had pictures to put on the wall, a beautiful dress, and all of our family to share the celebration with. All the dreams a little girl has about her wedding. I do have the man of my dreams, and I feel so selfish for wanting to have a 'real' wedding. It's too late now. Even if I wanted to, we don't have the money to do one anyway. My husband is going to school, we have a baby...
I think about doing a 'vow renewal' but it's just not the same. I want a dress and bridesmaids and flowers and to cut the cake and decorations that represent us and just.. I just want a wedding.
I feel so selfish for wanting that.
Can I essentially.. re do our wedding? Maybe on our 7th anniversary? Can I get a pretty white dress? Should it be like an anniversary party? Or a vow renewal?

Here are the best pictures I have from our wedding.
I have about 10 total.

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post #2 of 13 Old 11-12-2012, 05:10 PM
Green Broke
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Yes, you can - though after this length of time I believe it would be considered a vow renewal.
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post #3 of 13 Old 11-12-2012, 05:10 PM
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You can do whatever you want, but really, isn't the purpose of a wedding to unite two people in marriage? You're already there.

Spending $15,000-$20,000 on a 'redo' wedding seems really irresponsible, and dare I say it, kind of immature. You're a grown woman with a husband and child, not some 18 y/o teen with your head in the clouds about your 'perfect day'.

There are plenty of women who had the huge blow out wedding and are now getting divorced. I'll bet they'd trade you your 'insignificant' wedding and good husband for all that money they wasted.

Of course, I was never one of those girls who planned their wedding from the time they could talk. I've always just wanted a good HUSBAND, not a pretty dress and a day I could pretend I was a princess.
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Last edited by Speed Racer; 11-12-2012 at 05:13 PM.
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post #4 of 13 Old 11-12-2012, 05:11 PM
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i see absolutely no reason why you couldn't have a wedding if you wanted to. really, who is there to say no? obviously money, time, space, etc are going to be factors but as far as "can you have one?" - absolutely!
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post #5 of 13 Old 11-12-2012, 05:20 PM
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Yes! Yes you can, and I think it's a beautiful idea after the stress you both went through. I, myself, wouldn't want a huge wedding in the first place - (I could just save the money and go on a kickass honeymoon, or invest in a house) - but if that is what you both ant then go for it! You obviously love each other very much, and you missed out on that wedding dream that so many people have. It's very reasonable to decide that you want a redo!
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post #6 of 13 Old 11-12-2012, 05:22 PM
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A vow renewal can be as elaborate or even more than the original wedding. Some people who can't do a big wedding the first time around have the big to do as a vow renewal a few years down the road. It's still a vow renewal though, since you're already married.

We eloped. We spent the money we would have spent on a small wedding and went on a huge cruise just the two of us. It didn't make sense to spend so much money for other people to celebrate our marriage ceremony. Weddings are about the couple after all!
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post #7 of 13 Old 11-12-2012, 09:44 PM
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You can absolutely do whatever you want to do. Congratulations on having such a happy marriage.
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post #8 of 13 Old 11-12-2012, 10:12 PM
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Congratulations on the good marriage and many other blessings you obviously have. I had a somewhat small wedding, too, and occasionally think , " would things be different if I'd had a bigger wedding?" Nah. They'd be just the same.

When the time is right, do the vow renewal, but dont' think your marriage or life any less because you had a small wedding.
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post #9 of 13 Old 11-12-2012, 10:29 PM
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While I have no idea of the right term for it (re-new/re-vow or the big shibang) I say do what it is that you want. It is your marriage and your life and if you can do the wedding in a way that doesn't cause financial stress... have at it.

About a year ago, I read an article in Mary Janes (a country lifestyle magazine from a woman with an eye for country flair and details) about a young couple who didn't have alot of money, but had a strong desire to plan and execute a nice wedding where just about everything was either home made, home grown, or locally sourced.
I know, a little coo coo-ish, but it turned out very nice!

They started everything about a year in advanced and the bride really took her time to find the right used gown that a family member helped take in a bit. All the furniature that was needed came from yard and estate sales that they painted or re-finished, all the food (who made what) was doled out to friends and family members. They planted and grew their own flowers for the occasion, and if I remember correctly, about the only big expense was the cake and photographer.

While it sounds rather homespun, it was nice to read about all the detail they put into it and how completely unique it was. Made me really wish I could have done something like that.
Since you are a mom and have your hands full with a little one, maybe this could be an idea to ponder with your/his family and see what you could come up with.
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post #10 of 13 Old 11-12-2012, 11:24 PM
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There are loads of ways to have a nice vow renewal. You can get a beautiful dress that isn't new but like new! There is a local bulletin board here where girls are selling their dresses for a fraction of what they cost new. Use a single large flower like a calla lily as your bouquet or go to Wal-mart or any local store that carries fresh flowers and make your own bouquet or get silk flowers from Hobby Lobby. If you want to do invites, print your own on cardstock and scrapbook pretties from Hobby Lobby. I made them for my son and DIL when they married. Look on Pinterest for nifty dandy doodle ideas for all kinds of wedding/party ideas.

I love weddings and I am a wedding cake designer. The best part of a wedding is people who really love each other...the rest is all fluff. (except the cake, of course!!)

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