RIP Great Gram~~I miss You So Much

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RIP Great Gram~~I miss You So Much

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    05-07-2011, 12:10 PM
Unhappy RIP Great Gram~~I miss You So Much

Today 3 yrs ago my best friend went to heaven and I miss her so much. She and I would always bake together especially around the holidays. I used to love listening to her tell me stories about when she was my age. I still can't believe it's been so long it feels recent considering how I feel. She left me when I was 16. I always thought she would watch me graduate, I know she was there with me but it just didn't feel the same looking up into the stands and not seeing her. Great Gram I miss you so much....more than words can describe. I would do anything just to bake with you one more time or to just hear you tell a few of your stories again. I remember them but I know the way I think of them isn't the way you tell them. It's still so hard to believe that you're gone.

I wrote a poem last night. Mind you it's not my best because I wasn't in poet mode I ws in sadness mode. It's not a ryhming one but it basically tells the story of how I feel and what essentially happened. And what it says about me waking up before my alarm....that part is true and it makes me think it was her way of saying goodbye to me

Well here it is....sorry if some of the stanzas are off I was crying as I wrote it.
March 26th 1915 - May 8th 2008
I Woke Up Before My Alarm

I still remember the day you left
I woke up before my alarm…

Three years this day
I can’t believe it’s been so long
Since I was able to sit
And listen to the stories you had to tell

I remember the last day I saw you awake
I was trying so hard not to cry
As you smiled weakly at me
“I love you. I’ll see you when you get home”
I said as I hid my tear covered face from your view
I heard you speak,
Your voice was quiet, and barely audible
“I love you too.” Were the words I heard
Some might have mistaken them for something else
But not me,
I knew what you wanted to say.
Those were the last words I heard you say
And I’ll remember them.

I still remember the day you left
I woke up before my alarm…

The next day you were moved to hospice
You were asleep.
I went to visit you that night
I had written your favorite prayer on paper
And laid it by your bedside.
I was going to read it to you
But I couldn’t stop myself from crying long enough.

I was still hopeful of your recovery
But at that time I didn’t know what hospice was
I thought it was just another part of the hospital
But I was informed that once someone goes there
They almost never come back out.

I didn’t believe them.

I stayed positive
You were coming home
I just knew you were
Cause you were my Gram
You could do anything.

That night I thought of all the things we used to do
We would bake and try as hard as we could
To perfect our recipes
I remember I promised you
We would discover the secret to soft cookies
And you laughed and said “I know we will.”

I still remember the day you left
I woke up before my alarm…

I remember when we tried to bake creampuffs
I got so upset when they turned into pancakes
You just laughed it off
And spread the custard on the flat creampuff shells
You took a bite and your reply
“Don’t worry they still taste good.”
We laughed and decided
Creampuff baking was not for us.

I still remember the day you left
I woke up before my alarm…

Every Christmas we would bake chocolate chip cookies
Every time I would sneak a bit of batter
You would catch me
And, every time, lecture me
That it was going to make me sick.
I, in turn
Would lecture you about eating pats of butter
But eventually you got me doing it too
It’s from you that I get my love of butter.

I still remember the day you left
I woke up before my alarm…

I remembered the stories
You had to tell.
I could listen to you tell them repeatedly,
And often request my favorite ones
Time and time again.

You never tired of telling them
And I loved to listen to you laugh
As you reminisced.
Your laugh was contagious
And soon we were both laughing.

The Ketchup story was my favorite
Some might not know what I mean by that
But I do,
And you do too.
I know you’re sitting right here with me
As I type this.

I still remember the day you left
I woke up before my alarm…

Unusual as it was I woke up before my alarm
My mom called and I asked how you were doing
She was trying to keep her composure on the other end
“She’s not doing good Cass. We’ll be home in a little bit.”

I still remember the day you left
I woke up before my alarm…

She and Aunt Amy arrived home.
When I looked at them, they both started crying
I shook my head “No.” and fell to my knees

Aunt Amy tried to catch me,
But instead she hugged me.
If she hadn’t of held me
I have no doubt in my mind
That I would have run.
I don’t know where I would have gone
But I would’ve just run.

I still remember the day you left
I woke up before my alarm,
Which I soon found was the exact moment
You went to heaven.
R.I.P Great Gram
I love you and Miss you so much
I know you were with me through all of my milestones
I just wish I could’ve seen you
I’d give anything
To just have one more day with you.
Sorry it''s so long.....just needed to get it out somewhere
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    05-07-2011, 12:33 PM
Super Moderator
Oh, I'm so sorry .

That's very beautiful and genuine poem. It made me almost cry. Feel free to rant your pain out.

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