Rough night
   

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Rough night

This is a discussion on Rough night within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

     
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        08-31-2013, 02:42 AM
      #1
    Yearling
    Rough night

    Some of you know I fight some anxiety issues. Mostly, between drs and some counselors and some other experienced individuals, I learned it is PTSD related, along with a symptom of how/who I was living with. (an individual with narcissistic personality-deduced by a dr, whom he saw once, who treated me for nearly six months)
    About a year ago, I was prescribed lexapro to maintain my mental state. I was also giving a xanax prescription to help with my panic attack type situations.

    Recently, I ran from everything in my life, and began anew. Sat on a large piece of property for nearly two months, just me a hundred or so cows and my horses (who got FAT on this vacation) its done me wonders, and on drs orders, I've cut my lexapro dosage in half. Still occasionally need the xanax, but its become a once a weekish thing instead of a every couple daysish thing.

    The past three nights, I've had terrible nightmares. People dying, car crashes, my girlfriend (we're not getting along at ALL) choking me, my extremely abusive ex and a massive altercation, trying to scream and I can't, trying to move and I can't, I've kicked the walls, gotten nearly suffocated by my blankets, cold sweats, etc. tonight, every time I got sleepy and began to close my eyes, I began to panic. Its like as soon as I get comfortable and try to sleep, my heart starts to race and that familiar knot in my chest comes back. So, after laying in bed with my partners for an hour, I gave up and went looking for my pills.

    Which were supposed to be in my purse.

    And are not.

    Now, they should be in the zipper part of my purse, which is where they've been for the past year, since I was prescribed them. And though its possible the zipper was left open, never have I lost a bottle. Not once that I can think of. Im a bit anal about my purse organization. I would have noticed them missing when I went to took my lex this morning. They were there.

    So, on top of not being able to sleep, im now very upset.
    Its possible, but not probable that they fell out of my purse.
    I live with two other adults.
    One I trust with an unwavering dedication. One whom is the queen of bull****.
    Im worried.



    The main issue, how the hell am I going to get to sleep tonight?
         
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        08-31-2013, 09:04 AM
      #2
    Weanling
    Analisa...can you go for a walk? Do you journal? If not, would it help to write down your feelings, a way to give them validation so to speak, to get them out. Call a family member or friend? A glass of wine, sit out on the back, or front, porch, sit out and watch the stars, or the horses and cows grazing, listen to them call to one another, things that will hell you calm down.

    I am so sorry your going through all of this, what a horrible thing to happen. I wish you only the very best and it sounds like you are on the right path, even through this set back, to getting your life back on track.
         
        08-31-2013, 10:28 AM
      #3
    Weanling
    I have the same problems as you. I have big time problems at night, never use to. I had a lot of things change in my life so its put a lot of strain on me. Being so young I am still sorting out things in my life...
    I just started a new drug for me. Its a antidepressant. I have never been on any pills in my life. So for me, its so strange. Let alone, I get gut problems and may have a ulcer. My whole family has problems like this. So for me its genetic. I was hoping that I got skipped over with the gens, but I guess not. I do know how you feel about missing pills. We have a family member that takes things with out asking, money, pills...etc so when they come up to visit we know who it is. Due to it only goes missing when they are here.

    I may self am now taking long walks. Some times 2 hours or more, before I can relax. Try talking a walk. Grab a horse and go for a walk. I did that once when I wanted to spend time with my horse, but it was to wet to do much. Or then just walk on the dirt roads. It was nice to look at the houses. Get ideas for how I want things on my house. Have you tried doing a project. I found this helps a lot with my problems. I still get worried at night, but I am able to get to sleep easier because I am thinking about the project. Right now my project is painting my horse trailer. I have drawn out ideas on how I would like this. So it keeps my mind busy on that.


    I hoped I helped a little. So you are not alone on what you are dealing with.
         
        08-31-2013, 12:11 PM
      #4
    Showing
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by AnalisaParalyzer    
    some of you know I fight some anxiety issues. Mostly, between drs and some counselors and some other experienced individuals, I learned it is PTSD related, along with a symptom of how/who I was living with. (an individual with narcissistic personality-deduced by a dr, whom he saw once, who treated me for nearly six months)
    About a year ago, I was prescribed lexapro to maintain my mental state. I was also giving a xanax prescription to help with my panic attack type situations.

    Recently, I ran from everything in my life, and began anew. Sat on a large piece of property for nearly two months, just me a hundred or so cows and my horses (who got FAT on this vacation) its done me wonders, and on drs orders, I've cut my lexapro dosage in half. Still occasionally need the xanax, but its become a once a weekish thing instead of a every couple daysish thing.

    The past three nights, I've had terrible nightmares. People dying, car crashes, my girlfriend (we're not getting along at ALL) choking me, my extremely abusive ex and a massive altercation, trying to scream and I can't, trying to move and I can't, I've kicked the walls, gotten nearly suffocated by my blankets, cold sweats, etc. tonight, every time I got sleepy and began to close my eyes, I began to panic. Its like as soon as I get comfortable and try to sleep, my heart starts to race and that familiar knot in my chest comes back. So, after laying in bed with my partners for an hour, I gave up and went looking for my pills.

    Which were supposed to be in my purse.

    And are not.

    Now, they should be in the zipper part of my purse, which is where they've been for the past year, since I was prescribed them. And though its possible the zipper was left open, never have I lost a bottle. Not once that I can think of. Im a bit anal about my purse organization. I would have noticed them missing when I went to took my lex this morning. They were there.

    So, on top of not being able to sleep, im now very upset.
    Its possible, but not probable that they fell out of my purse.
    I live with two other adults.
    One I trust with an unwavering dedication. One whom is the queen of bull****.
    Im worried.



    The main issue, how the hell am I going to get to sleep tonight?
    Can you go to your local pharmacy and see what over the counter medications are available? I can't imagine there would be anything as strong as Xanax but there might something else that can help.

    I strongly suggest seeing your physician ASAP or go to your local clinic to get more meds tho. Mental health is a serious thing to monitor and keep track of and coming off meds with none left to help you HAS to be fixed now. Call your physician and get more medications.
         
        09-01-2013, 01:50 AM
      #5
    Foal
    Do you have any dramamine? It can help with sleep and anxiety, but don't take it if you're going to drive or have something important to do.
         
        09-01-2013, 07:19 PM
      #6
    Yearling
    Well, I didnt end up sleeping that night. I sat on the porch and watched jericho on netflix while listening to the rain. It quit storming around four, but by then it was beyond me trying to lay down again. Im currently 200 miles from my horses, and headed to pick them up tomorrow. Then ill probably be staying out at the barn late working on things to help me sleep.

    As fort he pills, that was an interesting situation. I confronted my partner A, about it, and of course, she knew nothing. Why would I question her..blah blah blah. I said, well if you find them, let me know. I walked out to my truck and hadnt made it halfway across the parking lot to my truck and she came running out of the house with... guess what... my pills.

    Which she then denied having found to our partner M later that afternoon.

    Hm.


    But, last night, I ended up sucking down 2 unisom and sleeping for nearly twelve hours. I needed it but I feel so unproductive when I do that.... bleh.

    Thank you for your well wishes, I appreciate the support and kind words. Everythings been topsyturvey for me for the last month. Theres a lot of tension in the house thanks to A, who can't seem to have a good day, and seems to enjoy making everyone around her as miserable as she is. Misery loves company....it keeps me on my toes.

    The situation is.... not ideal. But ill be glad to have my horses back. I got my trailer so we'll be making the trip up and back from the property often enough for me to feel sane.


    Thank you guys :) its always good to know your not alone.
         
        09-01-2013, 08:43 PM
      #7
    Weanling
    Big hugs to you. I have had a crappy year and it is only going downhill. I haven't slept very well in months, lost 6 pounds due to stress, and am trying frantically to keep my head above water, but....when I feel my lowest, I go kiss my horses.
         
        09-01-2013, 09:30 PM
      #8
    Started
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by AnalisaParalyzer    
    ...
    As fort he pills, that was an interesting situation. I confronted my partner A, about it, and of course, she knew nothing. Why would I question her..blah blah blah. I said, well if you find them, let me know. I walked out to my truck and hadnt made it halfway across the parking lot to my truck and she came running out of the house with... guess what... my pills.

    Which she then denied having found to our partner M later that afternoon.
    ...
    The missing data is: where did A tell you that she found the pills? If you know that you didn't remove them from your purse & leave them where she supposedly found them, then you're being messed with.
         
        09-04-2013, 09:55 AM
      #9
    Yearling
    She told me she found them in one of my drawers. Theres a couple problems with that.

    With a three yr old in the house, im not stupid enough to leave them in a dresser that's exactly eye level for her. She gets her little fingers into everything, including dragging my underpants out of that dresser and all over the house with the dogs. So, no, I know it wasnt in there.

    Also, I had to get around the bottle in my purse the night before to get to my keys to drive out to the shop. It did not magically grow legs and find its way into a drawer.

    And why deny it to M? Other than he'd chew her a new butthole if he figured out she took them. His take on it is she's trying to turn me into the bad guy, which she's been caught doing before.

    What made even more sense about it, is that not three days before this, she had been asking me if I had anything for depression. She's been down because her mom has a degenerative disease, and her insurance stopped covering her meds. So she's on a slow downward path, as in she has maybe a year left.

    A has an attention seeking issue. Im a cutter, have been since I was 15. I hid my cuts to the point where only after a year or so of therapy (which I didnt begin until 5 years after I began cutting) was I able to show them to my grandmother, whom I trust with everything. My parents have still never seen my scars.

    A laid in bed with me and our partner, and began punching herself in the leg. M, our partner, and I werent sure what was going on, but in the morning it was apparent. She wore short shorts the next day, and was black and blue all on her thigh. When asked why, she said, im upset about my mother.

    I know its stupid, but I was slightly offended. That's not depression. That's a cry for attention. I told her so when she showed me her leg. It was the afternoon before this incident that she had asked me for my pills. Which I explained to her, were not for depression, though they help with it, they're a long term medication for anxiety, which is where my self harm addiction stems from. It takes a month to even level out in your system and work. The xanax are for the same reason, should I begin having symptoms of a panic attack, related to my ptsd, I take one. Not depression.

    My horses are back with me, only twenty minutes away. So I've been spending
    Most of my time with them. My tack box has a lock on it. So I've taken a small pill tube, like the purse sized tylenol ones, and put a few of my xanax in it for my purse. But I went ahead and locked the lexapro and the rest of the xanax in my tack box. She doesnt have a key. So unless my small bottle goes missing, the problem should be solved.

    Im struggling with living with this individual. The tension is palpable. I've begun taking the advice you guys have given me, and going for walks. It makes my dog happy, and he makes me laugh, so it is helping. Thank you :)

    The sleeping problem is ongoing, but managable. Hopefully the missing meds problem will be gone too.

    Thank you all for your help and support. :) your the best.
         
        09-05-2013, 11:58 PM
      #10
    Started
    If someone were taking things from my purse, I'd simply have to separate my life from that person's. I think that level of hostility toward you on a 24/7 basis, must aggravate your issues tremendously, so I suggest that you part ways with A. Good Luck!
         

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